Friday, April 29, 2011

Today would have been my Mom's 81st birthday

She was 42 the year she and my Dad got me as a foster child (and then they adopted me 6 yrs later).

My Mom was also a big fan of the royal family.  OK, not Charles or really any of the males (other than Prince William) but she loved the Queen, the late Queen mother and the late and beloved of the world, Diana.

The fact that Prince William married Kate Middleton today - on what would have been my Mom's birthday, choked me up this morning.

Right now my son is having yet another meltdown upstairs.

I am really frustrated with this.  But again, he was playing video games a bit today and his meltdown was because I decided that he was not going to play additional video games today.

I think I really need to try a visual timer.  No playing until save points, no anything else.  Maybe if he can visually SEE the time he gets to play he'll understand.

Alternatively, I could just say the hell with it - give his father the Game Cube and any games he provided back and then sell the games we bought leaving only the Wii in the house.

*shrug*

All I can say is that this attitude is hard to deal with.  It seems like the medication is helping Son control his impulses at school but then he is having major freak-outs at home after 5 p.m. almost daily.

Had to switch Son's follow-up appointment with the DR to Fri the 6th at 11:00 a.m.

Wondering if there will be any matinees of Thor that day?

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Why do kids put everything in their mouths?

Seriously.

I want to know!

I notice with Baby Girl that she puts EVERYTHING in her mouth and when it actually *is* something that is edible, she jams it in there. 

Son did have an issue with eating non-food items when he was younger (he LOVED to eat paper) but he put less things in his mouth and when it was food, he was really good about putting in only the smallest pieces at a time.

So is this a boy vs girl thing?  Or an autism vs neurologically "typical" thing? Or a first child vs second child thing?

Or just a coincidence???

Grr Arrgh!

I went to GreenFit today!

OK so you might recall that I mentioned there was an awesome deal for 4 personal training sessions that I purchased via www.dealfind.com the other day.  Well I went to my first appointment at GreenFit Health & Fitness which was, essentially, an information and fact-gathering session for Dave.

Although I was pretty anxious and nervous about going, I had a nice pep talk call from K. before I went and, really, Dave is really nice and the vibe/energy at GreenFit was positive and comfortable.

Nervous me, before heading to GreenFit...



I wish I could've been doing a vlog for y'all to show some of the movements that Dave had me doing for him to get an idea of my strengths and weaknesses. 

I think you'd have been rather amused and I was laughing quite a bit at myself.  Partly from nerves and self-consciousness and partly because I knew I needed work and partly just because I am ready, willing and able to laugh at myself.

There was actually a great quote on this week's ep of Cougar Town delivered perfectly by Brian Van Holt as Bobby Cobb: "Just remember, you can't hear the world laughing at you if you're laughing harder."

I think that statement really spoke to me because no matter how shitty life has been, I have always been able to laugh at myself.

Anyways, as uncoordinated and balance-challenged as I may be -- I enjoyed myself today and I go back for my first actual session on Tuesday.

Happy me after getting home...


Man, Tuesday is going to be a busy day... my physical, a haircut and a workout.

Speaking of hair... Baby Girl is finally starting to grow some more hair and get a bit of curl-action happening...



What else has been going on?

Well -- Hubs had his follow-up with the DR and we are happy to say that he has no more swimmers so hurray for the return of "adult fun time"!!!!

Yesterday I had fun with S-girl, running some errands - diving through a gigantic DVD bin searching for "The Goonies" for $5 (and yes, we both got a copy!) and hanging out.

Son scored an awesome solar system for his bedroom light (Thanks to Auntie S-girl) and a Thor hammer to go with his Thor helm (thanks to moi).












I need to go out today because we are out of lactose-free milk (for everyone except Baby Girl) and I am almost out of my Special K (still not as good as Honey Nut Cornflakes - which I can't find anywhere these days) but tasty.



Hmmn, and last but not least, I was a little bummed that Ellen didn't get much feedback on her wonderful post here yesterday but I'm still really glad she posted :)

Hope everyone is having a good day!

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

My 1st guest-blogger - say hello to my friend, Ellen!

So, I was thinking it might be fun (and inspiring) to have some of my wonderful blogging friends to do a guest-post for my blog and my first guest-blogger is the wonderful, warm and inspiring Ellen from Fat Girl Wearing Thin.

We decided that she would do a post for my blog and that I would do a post for her blog.  Please go to her blog, read my guest post and then stick around because she's an awesome blogger!

I am waiting for guest blogs from some of my other friends which I hope to post in the future and if any of my readers would be interested - email me and we can talk about it.

Now, without further ado, here's ELLEN! :>

---

When FAB asked me to guest post on her blog, I eagerly accepted.  While reading her blog I can’t help but be reminded of my own transition as I went from my heaviest weight of 235 pounds to a normal weight for my 5’2” frame of 130 pounds.  I didn’t have a blog when I began losing, however, I am frequently asked what it was that I did to jump-start my weight loss.

When I first started losing the weight I’d carried for so long, I wondered how I was going to convince myself that I actually had to exercise as part of my weight-loss program.  I hated to exercise; the pounds I carried made me feel awkward and uncomfortable.

The single biggest change I made was also one of the simplest: I purchased a pedometer. Wearing it gave me instant accountability and access to see how I was doing at any given time.  It wasn’t long before I was exceeding 10,000 steps a day, and this is how I did it:  I moved.  When I was on the phone, I walked around the house.  When I brushed my teeth, while waiting for my dog to come back inside, while waiting for my bathtub to fill with water, I stepped in place.  As long as I was standing anyway, I figured I could just as easily move around so that’s what I did.  Before long I was averaging 16,000 steps a day and it showed.

By creating one goal, just one – I didn’t feel as though I had turned my entire life upside down.  It really didn’t feel that different from before, other than the fact that I was becoming more aware of how much (or how little) I was moving.  I started feeling stronger; I wanted to move more.  And I wanted to eat healthier.  Notice that I emphasize on the word want.  I did it because I wanted to, not because it was part of a series of strict rules I had to follow.  Things began falling into place; one good habit triggered another, which triggered another, and so-on.

I am now entering my seventh year of maintenance, but being here has it’s challenges, too.  There was plenty of information out there to show me how to get to maintenance, but there is very little information as to how one stays in maintenance.  For example, I never realized how difficult it would be to start reintroducing foods back into my diet that were once forbidden, or only eaten in smaller portions.  As my body readjusted to being able to eat more calories I had to become keenly aware of how much or how little was acceptable in order to maintain my weight.  Learning how to achieve that kind of balance takes some trial and error; every person’s body is different and there’s no manual to show you how it’s done, but it can be done.  Awareness is key.

Whether you are working on losing your first 10 pounds or that stubborn last 5, I want to share with you something which I learned along the way that’s become the mantra of my blog:  You don’t have to wait to lose that weight in order to live your best life now. Changing my body did not change who I was.  In the end, I’m still me, a work in progress; whether I’m 235 pounds or 130 pounds.   Being of a desired size is simply a perk of an already fulfilling life.

Ellen, aka Fat Girl Wearing Thin
--
http://fatgirlwearingthin.com

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

On a rainy day

Good morning, my friends!

It's raining like crazy here but Baby Girl and I are going to be hanging out with S-girl this morning.  Hubs has his DR appt and Son is at school.

Tomorrow, you will be treated to the first ever guest-blogger post on my blog.  And it will be from my friend, Ellen from Fat Girl Wearing Thin.

Yesterday Son had one of his scary meltdowns and he actually jumped up on my back and hit me. 

It's times like this where I really worry about what will happen as he gets older...

What else has been going on?

I was out yesterday morning for a bit.  Oh and I signed up for a dealfind.com deal yesterday... $39 for 4 Sixty Minute Personal Training Sessions and a Fitness Consultation at GreenFit Health & Fitness ($375 Value)

For that price, I thought it was worth trying in the hopes that some of the things I do/learn are ones I can then continue to do at home without any personal trainer.

My calf is slowly feeling better and I hope to resume C25K with K training this week.  Even if it's just walking or stairs for me while she gets some actual running done.

What else?

I just had a total mind blank.

OK I'm posting this entry.  Sorry I'm a bit scattered.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

A little tired

So when I went out to do my Couch to 5K training with K. on Thursday - I had a mishap.

Not exactly sure what happened but suddenly I had massive pain in my left calf. I can best describe it as follows:

Imagine, if you will, a tennis ball, then carve it so there is a mouth (so it resembles Pac Man or Ms. Pac Man) and then imagine that the mouth is filled with sharp, pointed teeth.

Now imagine that it has eaten partway into my calf (like a pirhana) but has stopped and continues to keep its jaw clenched in bite mode halfway through my calf.

And then imagine that, even now, a few days later, I'm still slightly limping and it ACHES.

So yeah -- that's how I am feeling and it sucks.

Have also realized, with some fear, trepidation and nervousness that my official one year date rapidly approaches (July 23, 2011 is my blogiversary).

And I *must* be down almost 30 more lbs by then to achieve a 100 lb loss in a one year time frame.

I was out with 1G1D1Y earlier today and I told her that I have this crazy thought that if I don't hit 100 lbs down in one year that, despite everything I've done, that I'll feel like I've failed.

Those of you who have stuck with me for some time will recall that I tend to look at every loss as a good loss and that when I've missed goals, I've been happy when I've eventually gotten to them.

So why this feeling and why now?

Is it (like so much of my stress and feelings of depression) tied to the continued state of joblessness that Hubs is in?

Because I can state that this continued struggle for him to find employment is the biggest source of stress in my life at the moment.

And I feel like I can't even really plan other activities for myself. Because I can't do something like sign up for a new exercise class or dance-related class because I have no idea when or if Hubs will be working and I don't want to commit to something and then have Hubs get a job that conflicts with what I want to do.

This makes me feel trapped and like I have NO CONTROL and *that* seriously PISSES ME OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!

Grr Arrgh!

Hence why I've been a bit quieter on the blog because I'd much rather be positive when I share things on here.

Being positive is part of the changes I am making with myself.

Ask those who've known me for years and years and they will tell you that I am a self-depreciating, perky CYNIC! I know it sounds like a strange combo, but that really is what I've been like for as long as I can remember.

I uploaded a pic I took in 2008 as my background image... here's what it looks like...



And, to end off, here's a pic of my wee girl asleep on me that my friend B. took the other week...

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Girl stuff, the movie Limitless & other things

My fashionably late period has shown up and I feel like HELL this morning!

:(

And I do have pernicious anemia but I do take B12 sub lingual tablets plus iron so I still can't figure out why I've been so wiped out lately...

Before I forget... if any of my readers are on Facebook, please go to http://www.facebook.com/fitnessdepot click "like" & then go to the wall, find the pic that you see at the top of my blog & click "like" on the photo of Cara-Mae (me).

If I get the most "likes" by May 15th, I can win a $250 gift card from Fitness Depot and I could certainly use some new equipment and since Hubs has STILL not heard from anyone re: getting a job - y'all know I can't afford to buy anything.

Yesterday Hubs and I used our two-for-1 movie coupon to attend the "Stars & Strollers" matinee showing of "Limitless" which, unfortunately tested the limits of my patience.

Despite the lead role being filled by the dreamy and charismatic Bradley Cooper, the movie was extremely predictable, overall rather boring and relied far more on "tell me" rather than "show me" in regards to the voice-overs from the aforementioned Cooper.

Robert De Niro was drab and played a minor role.  All in all, a very disappointing outing.

On the good news department, Son found my missing car key!  So now the only missing items are my pedometer (lost outside) and Hubs' cell phone.

Here's another video of Baby Girl from Hubs' camera... it's very cute!

30 days of songs - Day 30 - the last day!

Here we are on the last day...

day 30 - your favorite song at this time last year

It was probably still Kids by MGMT



Though I am not overly fond of the video...

For those who viewed any of the songs - I hope you enjoyed them :)

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

So exhausted

I really don't know what is wrong with me... if Hubs and I had actually had any nookie lately I'd be a little concerned because I am SO EXHAUSTED and my period is late.

However, we have NOT had nookie since the last time I mentioned it in my blog. Yep, no wonder we've been grumpy around here.

But I did go out yesterday morning with K. to continue our Couch to 5K goal. So we are on week two of the training.

I am really noticing what a difficult time I am having breathing when I am doing any form of exercise and am really starting to wonder if I may require an inhaler or something.

What else?

Gotta go see my birth Mom today and get her to do our taxes for us (did I mention that math is not my friend?).

Going to try to upload a video that Hubs took on his digital camera (my old one) of Baby Girl. (I was in a big fluffy housecoat because I had just had a bath.)

30 days of songs - Day 29

day 29 - a song from your childhood

This one has to be oowatanite by April Wine. My sister used to play this really loudly in our parent's rec room and I would run and dance around like a miniature crazy person!



The next runner up would be Heart of Glass by Blondie



The last day:

day 30 - your favorite song at this time last year

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Is very sad to say that actress Elisabeth Sladen has passed away

I suppose not a lot of my TV-adoration and fandom has been featured on this blog but, in case you may be unaware... I am a HUGE Doctor Who fan.

My favourite all-time Doctor was the Third Doctor who was wonderfully portrayed by Jon Pertwee.  And one of my all-time favourite Companions was portrayed by the talented Elisabeth Sladen as the wonderful Sarah Jane Smith (Catherine Tate's "Donna" edged Elisabeth Sladen from the #1 spot).

I cried when I heard the news today.

So, here are some iconic SJS moments:











What message is the universe sending to me?

Alright so you may recall that Hubs lost his cell phone (it's still missing) and that I lost my camera battery charger (which has since been found) and my pedometer (which seems to be long gone) and now, I've lost my car key.

So, I drive a PT Cruiser. It has two locks. One on the hatch and one on the driver's door. However; the only one that works is the one on the hatch. As well, I have (had) two key fobs. One which works and one which even after a battery change does not.

Guess which car key I lost??

Yep, the one with the functional fob.

Now if you spoke to people I know well in my life, they would tell you that although I sometimes seem to misplace things - it is rare that I actually lose things.

They could also attest to the fact that in the midst of a bunch of disorder, I often can come up with exactly what I am looking for with no seeming rhyme or reason.

So why in the world am I losing things now?

I really think there is a message/meaning within this to me from the universe but I do NOT know what it is.

Thoughts?

Edited to add, I googled "if I am losing things, what is the universe trying to tell me" and here are a couple of the links I found:

http://www.formerfatguyblog.com/2007/12/19/understanding-messages-from-the-universe.html

http://psychedelicadventure.blogspot.com/2010/01/synchronicities-messages-from-invisible.html

http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Jonathan_Safran_Foer

Then narrowing it to pages from Canada, here are some more...

http://www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=9&m=2084075

http://www.lousycanuck.ca/?p=3898&cpage=3

http://www.intense-workout.com/weight_loss.html

http://momentumgathering.com/what-is-the-world-trying-to-tell-you-are-you-listening/

http://breathingprosperity.com/blog/law-of-attraction-do-you-ask-for-things-then-tell-the-universe-%E2%80%98no-thanks%E2%80%99-part-2

Now on top of that - last night I had a bizarre dream where John Travolta & Blair Underwood were trying me to accept a contract to have a baby with one of them.

(And I'm not attracted to either of them).

30 days of songs - Day 28

day 28 - a song that makes you feel guilty

Guilt isn't fun...

day 28 - a song that makes you feel sexy

OK let me clarify - the video is NOT sexy but DANCING TO THE SONG makes me feel sexy!

Mambo Witch by A Split Second




Still to come:

day 29 - a song from your childhood
day 30 - your favorite song at this time last year

Monday, April 18, 2011

30 days of songs - Day 27

day 27 - a song that you wish you could play

Again, not into the whole instrument thing...

day 27 - a song you HAVE to listen to with the volume loud

It's a Sin by The Pet Shop Boys







Still to come:

day 28 - a song that makes you feel guilty
day 29 - a song from your childhood
day 30 - your favorite song at this time last year

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Couch to 5K

Did Day 2 of Couch to 5K training with K. this morning at the rec centre.

The weather outside is crappy, yesterday it was raining and today -- it's SNOWING.

I am SO SICK OF WINTER!!!!

The C25K plan we are following is this one.

Wk 1 consists of 3 days of this:

Brisk five-minute warmup walk. Then alternate 60 seconds of jogging and 90 seconds of walking for a total of 20 minutes.

Haven't been online much - am reading "The Explosive Child", started C25K, hung out with S-girl and Susan... I guess I'm just still feeling a little bit moody.

Also, a lot of my friends are facing some seriously stressful situations and it makes me feel a bit like it's silly to blog about what's bugging me when I am very grateful to not be dealing with some of the crap they are, if you know what I mean.

Hope you are all doing OK though!

P.S. Edited to add - I finally found my camera battery charger the other day (still no sign of the lost pedometer and the missing cell phone though).

So here are a couple of pics...

From the kitchen window today

Friday

Rock Band on Saturday

Saturday

Saturday

Saturday

Today

30 days of songs - Day 26

day 26 - a song that you can play on an instrument


Since I do not play an instrument, I'm changing this one to...

day 26 - a favourite song that you sing at karaoke or perform whilst playing some version of Rock Band

For karaoke: These Boots Are Made for Walkin' by Nancy Sinatra



For a version of Rock Band: Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler



Still to come:

day 27 - a song that you wish you could play
day 28 - a song that makes you feel guilty
day 29 - a song from your childhood
day 30 - your favorite song at this time last year

Saturday, April 16, 2011

30 days of songs - Day 25

day 25 - a song that makes you laugh

This one is because I like the song but I LOVE the video...



day 26 - a song that you can play on an instrument
day 27 - a song that you wish you could play
day 28 - a song that makes you feel guilty
day 29 - a song from your childhood
day 30 - your favorite song at this time last year

Friday, April 15, 2011

30 days of songs - Day 24

day 24 - a song that you want to play at your funeral

I've given this a lot of thought over the years and I've only got these two songs from my favourite movie, "Harold & Maude"...

On the Road to Find Out by Cat Stevens



Don't Be Shy by Cat Stevens





Still to come:

day 25 - a song that makes you laugh
day 26 - a song that you can play on an instrument
day 27 - a song that you wish you could play
day 28 - a song that makes you feel guilty
day 29 - a song from your childhood
day 30 - your favorite song at this time last year

Thursday, April 14, 2011

30 days of songs - Day 23

day 23 - a song that you want to play at your wedding

Considering the post I made a few minutes ago --- this one is tough for other reasons.  I almost said to Hubs that if he keeps up with his attitude and negativity that he and I will never get married.

During days/weeks where he hasn't irked me, this one would STILL be really tough for me... because Hubs and I don't really share the same musical taste (and we are common-law).

Hubs has previously said that the song Someday by Rob Thomas makes him think of me/us:



Maybe Beloved (the acoustic version) by Ben Harper...



Or "Greatest Day" by Take that... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zHzMLGH1Rfs




With Husband v1.0 we had the song Beautiful Freak by the Eels as our first dance at our wedding in May 2001:



day 24 - a song that you want to play at your funeral
day 25 - a song that makes you laugh
day 26 - a song that you can play on an instrument
day 27 - a song that you wish you could play
day 28 - a song that makes you feel guilty
day 29 - a song from your childhood
day 30 - your favorite song at this time last year

Stressy yesterday & kicking around some exercise thoughts

Exercise thoughts

I've been really thinking about kick-boxing for awhile. Back in 1997, one of my PT employees did kicking boxing and I was trying to work up the nerve to try it when the entire company got sold and some of the stores within the company went bankrupt and I ended up out of a job.

I was googling local kick-boxing establishments last week. But with our financial situation where it is -- I don't think I can invest any money into this sort of thing for now.

I've done some reading about 100 sit-ups and 100 push-ups and C25K and am thinking I should start one of these programs at home.

So if any of you have done any (or some or all) of them - I'd love to hear your thoughts on them.

And now I am going to move into my stressy yesterday post because I don't know that anyone would want to read it... yet, I still needed to write about what's going on because this isn't JUST a weight-loss/getting healthy blog.  It's become THE place where I write about everything.

Stressy yesterday

I spent a good chunk of yesterday fighting with Hubs.

That makes me really unhappy but then, he's really negative and unhappy and is really dumping it onto me.

I sincerely hope he is going to make more of an effort today re: his attitude/outlook.

Some of the stuff was little, stupid things.

We needed groceries but I had a friend coming over who I hadn't seen in awhile. So I reminded him about it and when B. came over, then Hubs went to go have a shower.

After quite some time, he had not returned. I went upstairs and he was lying down and watching TV.

So I said that I thought he was going to go to the grocery store because we needed some specific items for Baby Girl as well as general groceries.

There is often a lapse of common sense with Hubs approach to the world. If Baby Girl is crying, he'll try holding her in the hopes that she'll fall asleep first and then he'll try feeding her, followed by changing her and lastly he'll try giving her a drink.

But if she doesn't take the food or drink he's offering her, he gives up when it's also likely that she just wanted something else to eat or drink (or a drink at a different temperature).

And then he gets mad when I'll ask if he's tried anything else or if I take her (like if I've just come in from belly-dancing or a walk) and what I do calms her down on the first try.

The worst thing yesterday was the fact that both of us had applied to be one-day only election officers.

I was the one who received a call back and I will be working for 12 hours on May 2nd.

I told him about it when he got back from the grocery store.

He was pissed off.

It prompted a litany of "I'm not good enough" type of statements from him about himself.

I felt like I needed to apologize for getting the call instead of him.

He bitched, and sulked and complained.

It was like dealing with one of the older two children.

We had to have more than one "discussion" about his attitude yesterday.

The last one was last night where I reminded him that I've been a single parent before and I could do it again if I had to because I was drowning in his negativity and that it's not healthy for me or the kids.

Yes, I love him.

Yes, I want to be with him BUT not like this.

He has an interview at a temp agency today. If they can find something for him, I hope it helps turn around his attitude.

Seriously though, I really wish he'd go back and try a different psychiatrist because I think he needs to be treated for severe depression and ADD (neither of which has been diagnosed but I feel 95% positive of it.)

I still don't know what's happened to my camera charger and not being able to take photos really depresses me.

*sigh*

Sorry for another grumpy post :( This is not what I want to be writing about in my blog, but it IS what's going on.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

30 days of songs - Day 22

day 22 - a song that you listen to when you’re sad

Remember When by Alan Jackson

My Mom loved this song... and she had a mad crush on Alan Jackson too. At her funeral, instead of typical funeral music we followed her request which was to play Alan Jackson's Greatest Hits album. Her coffin was taken out to the song "Livin' on Love" but that one makes me a basket case of grief -- this one is good for just being sad and missing her without the major meltdown.



day 23 - a song that you want to play at your wedding
day 24 - a song that you want to play at your funeral
day 25 - a song that makes you laugh
day 26 - a song that you can play on an instrument
day 27 - a song that you wish you could play
day 28 - a song that makes you feel guilty
day 29 - a song from your childhood
day 30 - your favorite song at this time last year

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

I confess, I've been sulking

Some of my friends have some real life drama going on... my issues seem minor in comparison.

But we've been having issues losing things lately and I am still really upset as I realized last night that my pedometer was gone.

I had it on yesterday when I went out to supervise Son & some friends at the playground (I've got a story about that but I don't know if I feel like typing it out right now) and when I went to get into my PJs last night - when I reached to remove it - I discovered that it was gone.

So that was just under $40 (after taxes) wasted. Hubs said I should buy a new one but frankly, that's not in the budget -- he's still looking for work so money issues are drawing closer and closer to me having a major meltdown.

Add that to Hubs' missing cell phone AND my missing charger for my digital camera lithium battery and that all adds up to a grumpy, pouty ME!

I can't take pictures until I charge the battery and I have NO CLUE where the damn charger is!!!

I am most upset by this, followed by my anger at losing the pedometer.

So there you have it.

Enemies & Allies -- a disappointing read

Enemies & Allies by Kevin J. Anderson.
 
I have to say that I was sorely disappointed by this cookie cutter approach to the iconic characters of Superman and Batman.

There was no depth to the characters whatsoever. As an avid superhero enthusiast, I was expecting a lot more from this novel.

I did enjoy the setting, but there was more attention to detail with brands of soda and the cost of things in that era than I felt were used in regards to the origin stories of our heroes, even when they reflected on how they came to be where they were.

The tension between the two was enjoyable but the rest of it was so lacking in personal warmth and detail that I kept reading, in the hopes that it would get better.

I have to say that it did not do so.

It was almost like reading a caricaturization of these comic book legends because some aspects were defined or stressed upon but there was so much more that did not appear in this novel.

Batman came across as a James Bond wannabe. Superman (always referred to as Kal-El when in the famous suit) seemed more invested in contemplating Lois than in finding out more about Batman, despite the on-going mistrust and curiosity between them.

All in all, no single character stood out in this book and while it might be an OK introduction to the characters for people with little knowledge of them, there is more depth in many of the comics and even cartoon outings of these characters.

Save your time and your money.

30 days of songs - Day 21

day 21 - a song that you listen to when you’re happy

Breath of Life by Erasure



day 22 - a song that you listen to when you’re sad
day 23 - a song that you want to play at your wedding
day 24 - a song that you want to play at your funeral
day 25 - a song that makes you laugh
day 26 - a song that you can play on an instrument
day 27 - a song that you wish you could play
day 28 - a song that makes you feel guilty
day 29 - a song from your childhood
day 30 - your favorite song at this time last year

Monday, April 11, 2011

Day 263 - did NOT hit my goal for today

So as those of you who have been with me for awhile know, I've set a number of goals on my weight loss journey. 

Earlier on, I tended to hit them most of the time, here or there I was late on the date I set to hit them, but it wasn't too bad.

Well, I am 7.4 lbs more than I wanted to be today.  And that was giving myself a generous timeline to hit my 199 entry to ONEderland.

I'm a bit down about it but I can look at where I've come from so far and realize that sometimes I was late on my previous  goals but I ALWAYS ACHIEVE THEM EVENTUALLY!

So that's how I am going to look at this as well.

This is not going to make me binge or give up.

It's a reminder that I need to re-focus because, admittedly, I've been really stressed with the whole Hubs still doesn't have a job situation and it's a real emotional and energy drain on me.

I can't make someone hire, I can only place it in the hands of the Universe and have faith that everything happens for a reason and that something good will come out of this.

What I CAN do, is re-invest that energy I've been spending worrying and venting back into myself because, frankly, I am feeling exhausted on ALL fronts lately and that's not how I want to be feeling.

30 days of songs - Day 20

day 20 - a song that you listen to when you’re angry

Wish by Nine Inch Nails



day 21 - a song that you listen to when you’re happy
day 22 - a song that you listen to when you’re sad
day 23 - a song that you want to play at your wedding
day 24 - a song that you want to play at your funeral
day 25 - a song that makes you laugh
day 26 - a song that you can play on an instrument
day 27 - a song that you wish you could play
day 28 - a song that makes you feel guilty
day 29 - a song from your childhood
day 30 - your favorite song at this time last year

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Yesterday - over 12000 steps

Had an evening out at my old stomping groups.







Though I also drank alcohol & pop (a few rye & ginger ales), plus water.  Ate a big street-meat hotdog with a bun and had chocolate earlier in the day. So let me get the crappy part out of the way first...


Weight: 206.4 lbs

Hubs was home with Baby Girl (who was still wide awake when I got home after 2 a.m.) and he was very cranky and pissed off at me.

When I got home he was complaining that if he was due home at such and such a time and then was late and didn't call that he'd be read the riot act.  I pointed out that he often doesn't call me when he arrives or leaves from his parent's place - which is much farther away than the club is.

He said that that is not the same.

I also pointed out that I had said, "I think we'll probably leave around midnight."

Whereas Hubs took that to mean, according to what he said last night when I got home, that I would be home between 11 and 11:30.

Also, when he called as I was standing outside the bar having a late night street meat hotdog (yep, can't even remember how long it's been since I had one of those) he was mad that Baby Girl was still up.

I asked if he'd heated up a bottle for her and tried that rather than cold milk in the sippy cup.  He said yes he had.

This morning I checked and he had not.  When I called him on that one, he apologized and said he was angry and confused last night.

Now you may recall that the last time I went out to the club (Xmas Day night) I also came home around this same time and he was made and upset that I didn't call to say that I was going to be later.

I think the next time I go - I'm just going to tell him that I'll be home around 3 a.m. and then when I roll in earlier than that - he'll be happy that I was home earlier than I said.

Sound like a plan???

Late afternoon yesterday - Hubs and I took Baby Girl up to St. Jacob's for a walk on the trail that we like.  It wasn't very crowded and was still a little muddy but it was nice.  By the time we got home I was up at just over 6000 steps for the day.




In the a.m. S-girl and I went out to MEfest.  Two of my friends were vendors at the event and there were a lot of different work-from-home/start-your-own-business type things as well as services geared towards women.


















Let me look in my bag of handouts... and I'll post links for the people at booths that I spoke to:

(Apparently I do not have cards for a few booths we visited... the one that had the paci-strings and the one that had the yummy, decadent pretzels... I'll have to check with S-girl about those ones.)

www.susanmurphyrmt.com <-- my friend, Susan :>  Awesome massage therapist!
http://www.marykay.ca/jennifereades <-- my friend, Jen :> Beauty Maven!
www.journeyhealers.com
http://sophiaglutenfree.com/166www.arbonne.ca
Distinctly Tea <-- though the Waterloo location is not listed
www.gnldu.com <--- this one was pretty interesting re: food and cleaning products
www.qswellness.ca
www.sunsetgourmet.ca
www.rddesigns.ca
http://shelbyhairaccessories.com/
www.fitforaking.ca
www.jeuniquecanada.com
www.tomboytools.info/heatherhuston
www.littlemushroomcatering.com
www.nbphotos.ca
www.partylite.biz/lydia
www.educationfun1.com
www.clicktherapy.ca
www.cookingwithsin.com
www.epicureselections.com
www.stelladot.com/glamandsass
https://Alexis3.scentsy.ca
www.beautyfit.com
www.crystalrainbows.ca
http://myxocai.soundconcepts.com/xobiotic

30 days of songs - Day 19

day 19 - a song from your favorite album

Ringfinger from Nine Inch Nails' album "Pretty Hate Machine"



day 20 - a song that you listen to when you’re angry
day 21 - a song that you listen to when you’re happy
day 22 - a song that you listen to when you’re sad
day 23 - a song that you want to play at your wedding
day 24 - a song that you want to play at your funeral
day 25 - a song that makes you laugh
day 26 - a song that you can play on an instrument
day 27 - a song that you wish you could play
day 28 - a song that makes you feel guilty
day 29 - a song from your childhood
day 30 - your favorite song at this time last year

Saturday, April 9, 2011

30 days of songs - Day 18

day 18 - a song that you wish you heard on the radio

I'm not a big radio listener so I am changing this one to

day 18 - a newer song (or songs) that you really enjoy:

I'm going to put up Save Ourselves by the Post War and Relax by Blake McGrath



and



day 19 - a song from your favorite album
day 20 - a song that you listen to when you’re angry
day 21 - a song that you listen to when you’re happy
day 22 - a song that you listen to when you’re sad
day 23 - a song that you want to play at your wedding
day 24 - a song that you want to play at your funeral
day 25 - a song that makes you laugh
day 26 - a song that you can play on an instrument
day 27 - a song that you wish you could play
day 28 - a song that makes you feel guilty
day 29 - a song from your childhood
day 30 - your favorite song at this time last year

Have I ever mentioned one of the annoying quirks of my personality???

OK, so I really enjoy reading true crime novels.  I find them horrifying and fascinating.  I also enjoy fiction based on real-events.

The downside is that sometimes what I read about is so fucking horrible that I can't get it out of my head and I end up with anxiety and/or panic attacks as well as nightmares.

*small voice* "I don't wanna go to bed, I'm scared."

Luckily Hubs is back from his movie with Jeebus so I'll get him to rub my back until I can fall asleep.

I'm checking out Me-Fest with S-girl tomorrow morning while Hubs takes Son and Baby Girl to Kung Fu.

So I do need some sleep.

And sorry I didn't write a poem today, Baby Girl had a massive crank-attack earlier this evening and I was busy with her.

G'night!

Friday, April 8, 2011

a sort of random post

Yesterday we went to the Farmer's Market and in one of the buildings they sell models and stuff and I had to take a picture of this one, simply because "Clara May" was almost my first name when my parents were choosing a name for me when I was adopted.

It had nothing to do with the ship -- it was because my social worker's first name was Clara and my parents really liked her (and so did I apparently, though I do not remember my "Auntie Clara").


Now this morning, Son had an appointment with his pediatrician and we are going to be trying him on a low dose of medication.

It is called "biphentin" and is typically prescribed to ADD/ADHD patients.

I tend to be very anti-medication when it comes to autism, so this is a big thing for us to try it but I really have a lot of faith in Son's pediatrician.

I was cautioned that it could impact Son's sleeping and that, if that occurs, that I should pick up some over-the-counter melatonin in such a circumstance.

In 3 wks, I am supposed to have his teacher fill out a Snap-IV assessment and I'll be filling one out re: his behaviour at home and then in a month, we go back to the pediatrician with the information to assess how it's working for Son.

Upcoming medical appointments are:

April 26th @ 10:50 a.m. - Hubs goes in to find out if the Big V was successful and if he is "swimmer-free" or not.

May 3rd @ 10 a.m. I go in to my DR for my physical (btw, my DR mentioned my weight loss when I had Baby Girl in yesterday).

May 11th @ 11 a.m. I have to take Son back to the pediatrician.

June 27th @1:40 p.m. Baby Girl goes in for her 15 month appt.

Still no luck on the job front for Hubs... he followed up with one place and was told they aren't choosing potential applicants for interviews until after April 21st.

He did get a pre-screening call from a warehouse but he won't know if he made it past the pre-screen for at least a week.

So please keep sending good vibes :>

30 days of songs - Day 17

day 17 - a song that you hear often on the radio

*I don't listen to the radio often but last week I heard "Bring Me to Life" a total of 4x, plus the video while channel-flipping and the Elektra was on so - what the hell...



Still to come:

day 18 - a song that you wish you heard on the radio
day 19 - a song from your favorite album
day 20 - a song that you listen to when you’re angry
day 21 - a song that you listen to when you’re happy
day 22 - a song that you listen to when you’re sad
day 23 - a song that you want to play at your wedding
day 24 - a song that you want to play at your funeral
day 25 - a song that makes you laugh
day 26 - a song that you can play on an instrument
day 27 - a song that you wish you could play
day 28 - a song that makes you feel guilty
day 29 - a song from your childhood
day 30 - your favorite song at this time last year

Thursday, April 7, 2011

poem for today

Head pounding
teeth clenched
trying to breathe

muscles tight
fingers ache
eyelids flutter

stressed
tired
angry

© C. D. Hackett 2011

Baby Girl's (belated) 1 year appointment

Height: 29 and 1/2 inches (between percentile 50 and 75)
Weight: 20.37 lbs (between percentile 25 and 50)

Nurse didn't tell me the HC.

She got her MMR in her right arm and Menjugate in her left arm.

I did not know that the MMR can have a delayed reaction. The nurse told us that any fever in even the next 10 - 14 days could be because of that.

We were also warned that she could get a slight rash and to not worry if that happens.

And that if the injection sites get red and inflamed - then we need to bring her back in.
Look, Ma!  No hands!

30 days of songs - Day 16

day 16 - a song that you used to love but now hate

**I am going to switch this one too... day 16 - a song that I tolerate because it ear-wormed me

Like A G6 by Far East Movement



Still to come:

day 17 - a song that you hear often on the radio
day 18 - a song that you wish you heard on the radio
day 19 - a song from your favorite album
day 20 - a song that you listen to when you’re angry
day 21 - a song that you listen to when you’re happy
day 22 - a song that you listen to when you’re sad
day 23 - a song that you want to play at your wedding
day 24 - a song that you want to play at your funeral
day 25 - a song that makes you laugh
day 26 - a song that you can play on an instrument
day 27 - a song that you wish you could play
day 28 - a song that makes you feel guilty
day 29 - a song from your childhood
day 30 - your favorite song at this time last year

This vlog is for Ellen...

*I've set this to post just after midnight



re:  Moving Mountains

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

today's poem - going for a short haiku

moonlight slides over
goosebumps raised on naked skin
joy brightens the night


© C. D. Hackett 2011

Asking for the guidance of the Universe

As you know, Hubs has been out of work for quite awhile.

His employment insurance ends at the end of April. Then we are screwed financially.

He has been applying for jobs but hasn't had any luck getting a job.

We've talked about his attitude and his moodiness and on him working on putting positivity into the universe so that good things come to him.

It's really getting down to brass tacks here.

Neither of us have ever made a lot of money. I've always worked retail, so even when I worked in FT management positions, I never made as much hourly as he has with his years in car parts or even in his warehouse experience.

As well, I am more in tune with the kids needs, so to speak.

Because we live in geared-to-income housing, we are able to survive with one person working (though it's not like living in luxury by any means).

In the past, when he was out of work and I was still working (albeit part-time) things got pretty stressful between us because of my anxiety and panic plus the fact that Hubs and Son are surprisingly alike in some of their more aggravating personality traits which makes it challenging for them to get along when I am not around.

*sigh*

So, basically, I am opening myself to the Universe in the wish and hope that the answer(s) will appear in a way that cannot be ignored.

That ideal employment will present itself and be taken on ASAP.

That it will all happen for the good of all involved.

Any and all good vibes will be accepted and appreciated.

30 days of songs - Day 15

day 15 - a song that describes you

I'm really having a tough time with this one... in the past I would have automatically chosen this one:

Homeward by VNV Nation



Mainly because of the following lyrics:

"I try to find the strength I need
To calm the doubts in my beliefs
With the will, I know my heart won't break

And if I have strength then I've belief
If I have love my heart still beats
Here under stars
Far from home
"

Or this one just because a lot of it fits the way I felt for the majority of my life...

Anybody Listening? by Queensyrche



But I'm having a hell of a time coming up with something that fits me NOW...

Hubs suggested Paranoid by Black Sabbath...

S-girl suggested "Firework" (which used to really irk me because the singular version of fireworks seemed awkward but, lyrically it fits).



Still to come:

day 16 - a song that you used to love but now hate
day 17 - a song that you hear often on the radio
day 18 - a song that you wish you heard on the radio
day 19 - a song from your favorite album
day 20 - a song that you listen to when you’re angry
day 21 - a song that you listen to when you’re happy
day 22 - a song that you listen to when you’re sad
day 23 - a song that you want to play at your wedding
day 24 - a song that you want to play at your funeral
day 25 - a song that makes you laugh
day 26 - a song that you can play on an instrument
day 27 - a song that you wish you could play
day 28 - a song that makes you feel guilty
day 29 - a song from your childhood
day 30 - your favorite song at this time last year

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

this poem a day re: National Poetry Month is hard!!!


-------

A sweet face
with rounded cheeks
and bright blue eyes
slams against my nose

chubby fingers grasp
my ears, my nose
sometimes poking me in the eye
or pulling my hair

then there are the teeth
tiny and white
which show during smiles
and hurt during bites

This miracle
laughing or crying
talking or sleeping
holds my soul

© C. D. Hackett 2011

The way things fit

OK so seeing JP aka PriorFatGuy's post with his "goal shirts" the other day made me realize that I hadn't yet taken a snap of my next pair of goal jeans (another pair passed along from the continually slenderized S-girl).

Here's the amusing part... the previous goal pair (which fit now), the new goal pair and the pair I am wearing today are all labeled size 14.

But check this out...

First, the new goal jeans:














Next - my Reitman's size 14s:

(Had to make myself black and white because I was just out of the shower and my skin was still pretty flushed...)


And then the previous goal jeans which I think I last mentioned in this entry...















But see, all three pairs are size 14... and yet, look at the differences.

The only thing that might have been wiser for these pics would have been if I picked a shirt that actually fit me (this one is still a bit too small for where I'm at after c-section #2 and the extra belly fat but it is one of my old faves!)

Oh and as proof that the shirt has looked better before... (but those are my old fav size 18 jeans from Reitman's I'm wearing in the 2005 photo, strangely enough)

30 days of songs - Day 14

day 14 - a song that no one would expect you to love

Here it is... Hubs is not a fan of it but it cracks me up. My Mom *loved* this video (it came out the year she died).

Mr. Mom by Lonestar



Still to come:

day 15 - a song that describes you
day 16 - a song that you used to love but now hate
day 17 - a song that you hear often on the radio
day 18 - a song that you wish you heard on the radio
day 19 - a song from your favorite album
day 20 - a song that you listen to when you’re angry
day 21 - a song that you listen to when you’re happy
day 22 - a song that you listen to when you’re sad
day 23 - a song that you want to play at your wedding
day 24 - a song that you want to play at your funeral
day 25 - a song that makes you laugh
day 26 - a song that you can play on an instrument
day 27 - a song that you wish you could play
day 28 - a song that makes you feel guilty
day 29 - a song from your childhood
day 30 - your favorite song at this time last year

Monday, April 4, 2011

quick poem before bed (only for the month of April)

Awkward motions
my hips jingle
mocking my missteps
as I curse
repeatedly
losing the beat
defeated
by Lazy Accents
and Egyptian Walks

© C. D. Hackett 2011

Something to make me laugh

I could not find any awesome quality uploads of this scene from "Grown Ups" but this scene makes me laugh until I cry...


Having a day...

Hello and how are you?

I'm in kind of a mood today... I am buried in laundry - I am feeling like I am drowning in the disorganization of this house.

And I say "this house" because it doesn't even feel like "home" right now. Instead it feels like something I need to battle and overcome.

I can't even count how many times I've gone into a frustrated clean & purge to then turn around, later the same day, to find an area I've cleaned and organized, covered AGAIN with stuff that isn't even MINE!!!

Hubs and I are both rather disorganized people. This comes out in a lot of ways... we struggle with things like grocery shopping, meal planning, time management and organization.

My late parents were working their way into being able to be featured on the show "Hoarders" (although they were what I would call organized hoarders).

With me being the extremely unhealthy and what my older sibs would call "spoiled" youngest child -- I didn't have a lot of responsibility growing up.

  • I was never taught how to cook
  • I never had to help clean up inside the house (not even in my own room)
  • I never had to do my own laundry until I was in my late 20s
  • I was never taught about managing my finances
Now we can add to that, just how "sheltered" I was... I did not have a bath ALL BY MYSELF until I was going into Grade 7 and that's because I was having a sleepover at one of my sister's and I had to ask her for help shampooing my hair.

Why did my Mom insist of giving me my baths?  Because she was afraid that I would drown.

Even in my early 20s, after Daddy died and I still lived at home with my Mom, I had to leave the bathroom door unlocked and ajar so she could call in and make sure I wasn't dead.

This might have been related to me trying to kill myself back when I was about 9 (I drank the grossest looking thing I could find in the medicine cabinet - and puked my guts out).

I just read what I have so far to 1G1D1Y because I'm feeling super-venty.

Of course we can add that to my upset tummy & bowels - thank you stress!!!

*sigh*

Silliest thing that's stressing me... I do NOT have my Lazy Accents move down pat for belly-dancing tonight...

OK -- I'm cutting this off for now.  Hopefully I'll have a happier post later.

30 days of songs - Day 13

day 13 - a song that is a guilty pleasure

I will ALWAYS love "Barbie Girl" although the whole album makes me smile as I remember hot, hot days in an apartment without A/C, wishing I had stocks in Gatorade & young love...



Still to come:

day 14 - a song that no one would expect you to love
day 15 - a song that describes you
day 16 - a song that you used to love but now hate
day 17 - a song that you hear often on the radio
day 18 - a song that you wish you heard on the radio
day 19 - a song from your favorite album
day 20 - a song that you listen to when you’re angry
day 21 - a song that you listen to when you’re happy
day 22 - a song that you listen to when you’re sad
day 23 - a song that you want to play at your wedding
day 24 - a song that you want to play at your funeral
day 25 - a song that makes you laugh
day 26 - a song that you can play on an instrument
day 27 - a song that you wish you could play
day 28 - a song that makes you feel guilty
day 29 - a song from your childhood
day 30 - your favorite song at this time last year

Sunday, April 3, 2011

under the weather today + a vlog from Hubs + a poem

I am sporting a low-grade fever today.

Spent large portion of the day cuddled up with Son and Baby Girl watching BTVS and Angel on DVD.

Oh and running to the bathroom - which was not of the fun.

:(

To top it all off - we've got a bunch of snow outside AGAIN so once Hubs finally made it home from dropping off Baby Girl - he took the dog for a walk and decided to do a vlog for my blog... I'll add it once youtube processes it (though it says that's going to be an hour so I might add it tomorrow - who knows?)



And I do still want to try to do a poetry entry for today re: National Poetry Month

Hmmn...

A cold kiss
promising nothing
neither love nor warmth
only acknowledging
that she remains

Long, icy fingers
connected to pale hands
spread a thick blanket
over the ground
masking dirt with beauty

The White Queen
smiles in silence
Knowing that she
has yet to be
overthrown


© C. D. Hackett 2011

30 days of songs - Day 12

day 12 - a song from a band you hate <-- I don't often listen to bands that I hate so my EDITED day 12 is... a song I *want* to hate, that I do not go out of my way to listen to but that I actually like (not a guilty pleasure because I don't LOVE it)

Somebody to Love (remix) - Justin Bieber & Usher



Still to come:

day 13 - a song that is a guilty pleasure
day 14 - a song that no one would expect you to love
day 15 - a song that describes you
day 16 - a song that you used to love but now hate
day 17 - a song that you hear often on the radio
day 18 - a song that you wish you heard on the radio
day 19 - a song from your favorite album
day 20 - a song that you listen to when you’re angry
day 21 - a song that you listen to when you’re happy
day 22 - a song that you listen to when you’re sad
day 23 - a song that you want to play at your wedding
day 24 - a song that you want to play at your funeral
day 25 - a song that makes you laugh
day 26 - a song that you can play on an instrument
day 27 - a song that you wish you could play
day 28 - a song that makes you feel guilty
day 29 - a song from your childhood
day 30 - your favorite song at this time last year

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Comparison...

OK here's the comparison pic... big thanks to 1G1D1Y who took both pictures...

So, any thoughts?

I do think it's cute that the kids have more hair in today's pic and Hubs and I have less...

And, yes, I decided to make a whole new post and crap, I just realized I took off the pedometer when I had my shower and forgot to put it back on... crapola!

I did have over 6000 steps before I had my shower but I've walked around a fair bit since then... *sigh*

Here are a few other pics from today...