Had to get this off my chest

I realize that even writing this may be opening myself for a shitstorm of vitriol and that's NOT what I am looking for.

This has been kicking around in my head for a bit.

There is a somewhat well-known blogger who had one blog back when I started FAB. Then he stopped writing in that one (I think the story was that it was hacked or something - but it was awhile ago so I can't claim to be clear on the details). Whatever it was, that blog he was first using - stopped being used.

Then, there was 2nd version/incarnation of his previous blog. That made sense, it had a similar name so his followers could locate him etc...

But, for some reason he decided to stop using that one and he even posted a goodbye post.

OK, lots of bloggers stop blogging or some even have different blogs for different topics (I do that thought this one sees the most action).

But THEN, there was a new blog, started out with a fake name and occupation (compared to the listed info on his previous 2 blogs) but then as the writing style and content was the same so it was obvious to all that it was that same previous blogger. And, in fact, he rather quickly "came out" as himself on his new blog.

But for all the dissing I've seen him do on his various blogs that's been directed at other bloggers - it just seems odd that he's on his 3rd blog and still craps on other people for how they blog, what they blog, abandoning their blogs, leaving their weight loss blogs and starting new weight loss blogs et cetera.

As well, there was a WAY out of line comment recently that seemed specifically aimed at someone very important to me. Considering that the blogger (who you will notice I am not naming) had some personal information from the person that he then used as a joke at the person he seemed to be slamming - it just pissed me off.

Of course, he didn't name names either, giving himself some plausible denial-ability I guess BUT with the specific circumstances used in the slagging -- I can't see it being applied to a very broad portion of the weight loss community bloggers.

And, frankly, I think it was shitty.

So, despite my original resolve to ignore it - I had to at least write this.

Something strange with the comment add-on feature I have on my blog

I got a notification that I had comments to moderate... Um what now?

There were some from over a month ago.

WTF?

Giving Advice

I received an email this morning - though I will not reveal the name of the person who sent it...

On 3 June 2011 07:09, *somebody* wrote:

Hi FatAngryBlog,

I visited your blog and saw that you are into dieting/fitness. I think I've reached the lowest point in my life, so I really need your advice....

I've been struggling to lose weight ever since I graduated from college. I've tried diets, exercising, fasting... My problem is that I have literally no motivation and discipline.

I'm ___ years old, and *private information removed*. I feel like such a loser for being undesirable to men, and for gaining so much weight since college... some days, i just ask myself what's the point of it all? Even if I lost all this weight, I'll still look ugly and flabby =(

Do you have any advice you can give me on motivating myself to eat less and exercise more? It's such a vicious cycle.. I'd try and go on a diet, and be discouraged and end up eating junk food to comfort myself...

I hope you can be of some help - I really need it at this point. God Bless~~~~

Take care,
*somebody*

Here's the reply I sent (how do you think I did with it?):

Hi *Somebody*,

You know - it's really hard to say what will really motivate you. For me it was a sense of hitting rock bottom, of feeling like a failure and being worried that I wouldn't end up being alive to be here for my kids as they got older that finally got me into a healthier state of mind.

I know what it's like to have no motivation, discipline and willpower. I really do!

If it's that much of a struggle and you may or may not be sure if you've hit rock bottom where you will make a bunch of changes then I'd suggest trying SMALL, manageable changes.

Like, making sure you eat something on the healthy side within 30 minutes of getting up in the morning to help start your metabolism.

Or reducing your portion sizes at meals (without changing or adjusting what you are eating yet).

Or by increasing your daily activity (even if it's walking) by 5 - 10 minutes each day.

Those are just a few ideas.

Once you stick to a new change or alteration for a week, then work on that one a little more and/or add in a new change.

Does that make sense?

And hey, I'm going to be 39 this year -- so you have a *age revealing info removed* year head start on me ;>

Also - for me -- I CANNOT deny myself the food I like because then I crave it SOOO badly that I will end up purging.

For example -- If I have a craving for chocolate -- I'll have chocolate but instead of a regular sized chocolate bar, I'll share that chocolate bar with Hubs or a friend or the kids so I am only eating 1/3 of what I would have had.

It satisfies the craving without getting out of control.

I hope this helps!

Also - if you have a good relationship with your family DR - that's a plus. And/or if you can afford to consult with a nutritionist and a naturopath -- that can also be helpful.

But before you make any changes -- make sure you consult with a professional. Remember, I'm just a SAHM who still has weight to lose -- so make sure the choices and changes you make are safe and advisable for you.

Have a great day and good luck!

And start a blog (if you haven't already) because it really helps.


Cara-Mae


Then I wrote one more...


Just a P.S.

It might not be that you are unattractive to men... that might be a self-perpetuating reality that you could be creating with your attitude and energy.

Yes, some people (male and female) can be really superficial but all men have a type and maybe the men who would like you aren't getting the chance to meet you because, perhaps, you aren't as social as you could be because of how your weight is adversely impacting upon your self-esteem and self-image.

People always say that people can't love us until we truly love ourselves and that can be a real challenge when we are unhappy with some aspect of our physical self and/or some aspect of our life.

Hope that made sense to you.

cara

My 2nd guest-blogger -- my friend Sarah

The wonderful Sarah is from Finding my Fabulosity!

I was glad to get a post from Sarah since she also likes the term "FAB."  As well, my step-daughter, like Sarah, has ADHD so it's something they have in common.

I introduce you to, Sarah...

-------

My name is Sarah, I am overweight, and I have ADHD (also known as Attention Hyperactive Attention Disorder).

Over the years, I have been on NUMEROUS “diets” such as the Atkins Diet, Weight Watchers, and multiple variations of these and counting calories.

I’ve been skinny twice in my life, well since hitting puberty that is, after doing the Atkins Diet at the end of 2003 and with Weight Watchers in 2006.

Both of those skinny times were because others were around me to help, in some way, shape or form. My family decided in 2003 to do the Atkins Diet, so it was easy to just eat the meals my mom made, not stray because there weren’t ANY temptations in the house, and just simply lose weight.

I would say I was about 178 lbs (a size 12) for about 6 months before some emotional issue sent me crawling back to food. In 2006, I had moved into my first apartment. My roomie was doing Weight Watchers, so I decided to try it. She kept me accountable, and helped me keep junk out of the apartment. That was my longest stretch of “skinnyness”, and it lasted about a year.

Weight loss is hard. Weight loss with a mental disorder is, honestly, harder. It’s one thing to eat mindlessly, but you eventually go “Why am I eating this?!” then put it away. With my disorder, I eat mindlessly, put it away, and 2 minutes later wonder WHAT I had just ate.

It’s a struggle for me to remember to do normal daily tasks, such as put on deodorant or brush my teeth; and yet I wonder why I can’t remember to take my multivitamin once a day.

“Out of sight, totally forgotten” should be the motto for anyone that has ADHD, or I will at least claim it’s my motto.

I wish I was somewhere near “normal”, but then I think I would take the weight loss for granted.

Since the end of July 2010, I have lost 23 lbs. However, at the peak of my weight loss, I had lost 31 lbs, but gained some back over the past few months.

This journey takes work, and I just have to work that much harder to get what I want. I should be used to it by now as that’s the way it is with everything for me, not just with weight loss.

My 1st guest-blogger - say hello to my friend, Ellen!

So, I was thinking it might be fun (and inspiring) to have some of my wonderful blogging friends to do a guest-post for my blog and my first guest-blogger is the wonderful, warm and inspiring Ellen from Fat Girl Wearing Thin.

We decided that she would do a post for my blog and that I would do a post for her blog.  Please go to her blog, read my guest post and then stick around because she's an awesome blogger!

I am waiting for guest blogs from some of my other friends which I hope to post in the future and if any of my readers would be interested - email me and we can talk about it.

Now, without further ado, here's ELLEN! :>

---

When FAB asked me to guest post on her blog, I eagerly accepted.  While reading her blog I can’t help but be reminded of my own transition as I went from my heaviest weight of 235 pounds to a normal weight for my 5’2” frame of 130 pounds.  I didn’t have a blog when I began losing, however, I am frequently asked what it was that I did to jump-start my weight loss.

When I first started losing the weight I’d carried for so long, I wondered how I was going to convince myself that I actually had to exercise as part of my weight-loss program.  I hated to exercise; the pounds I carried made me feel awkward and uncomfortable.

The single biggest change I made was also one of the simplest: I purchased a pedometer. Wearing it gave me instant accountability and access to see how I was doing at any given time.  It wasn’t long before I was exceeding 10,000 steps a day, and this is how I did it:  I moved.  When I was on the phone, I walked around the house.  When I brushed my teeth, while waiting for my dog to come back inside, while waiting for my bathtub to fill with water, I stepped in place.  As long as I was standing anyway, I figured I could just as easily move around so that’s what I did.  Before long I was averaging 16,000 steps a day and it showed.

By creating one goal, just one – I didn’t feel as though I had turned my entire life upside down.  It really didn’t feel that different from before, other than the fact that I was becoming more aware of how much (or how little) I was moving.  I started feeling stronger; I wanted to move more.  And I wanted to eat healthier.  Notice that I emphasize on the word want.  I did it because I wanted to, not because it was part of a series of strict rules I had to follow.  Things began falling into place; one good habit triggered another, which triggered another, and so-on.

I am now entering my seventh year of maintenance, but being here has it’s challenges, too.  There was plenty of information out there to show me how to get to maintenance, but there is very little information as to how one stays in maintenance.  For example, I never realized how difficult it would be to start reintroducing foods back into my diet that were once forbidden, or only eaten in smaller portions.  As my body readjusted to being able to eat more calories I had to become keenly aware of how much or how little was acceptable in order to maintain my weight.  Learning how to achieve that kind of balance takes some trial and error; every person’s body is different and there’s no manual to show you how it’s done, but it can be done.  Awareness is key.

Whether you are working on losing your first 10 pounds or that stubborn last 5, I want to share with you something which I learned along the way that’s become the mantra of my blog:  You don’t have to wait to lose that weight in order to live your best life now. Changing my body did not change who I was.  In the end, I’m still me, a work in progress; whether I’m 235 pounds or 130 pounds.   Being of a desired size is simply a perk of an already fulfilling life.

Ellen, aka Fat Girl Wearing Thin
--
http://fatgirlwearingthin.com

Blogger problems

I installed intensedebate for my comments because Ellen and Colleen have it and seem to like it.

I have msgs in my email saying I have comments and yet, I can't currently access them or reply to them on my blog...

???

Son thinks I should rename my blog and my Twitter

He says, "It should be SkinnyHappyBlog and SkinnyHappyTwitter."

His second suggestion is, "FemaleAwesomeBlog and FemaleAwesomeTwitter."

Hmmmn...

Son and Step-Daughter have blogs now

Although they are not viewable to the general public.

But I thought it might encourage them to work on spelling, grammar and writing skills in general as well as being a way for the kids to share their feelings.

Son has already written some things that have cracked me up...

Here is one post, in its entirety:

"I am a goodbad boy.I am a goodbad boy because I am good at kung-fu but bad at math. I looooooooooooove chocolate milk.And I looooooooooooooooooove chocolate sprinkled,double fudge all the junk in the world donuts!And I looooooooove video games.I don't like school so much.When I grow up I want to be invincible!I want a blackberry.I have a muscle."

And here is two sentences from his Saturday post: "I liked today because we got to eat cupcakes and play Lego rock band. Except that I had to have a lot of healthy food."

Women's Health Magazine - Blogs we love

Some of the bloggers I follow have mentioned this on their blogs and Hubs told me that he nominated my blog when he heard about it on Sunday or Monday (of course, since I frequently have sex with him -- I'd expect him to do something like that).

However; I don't know if multiple nominations are what people need so - just in case...

If you enjoy my blog, please nominate me (** please note, this does NOT mean that I will have sex with you - only Hubs gets that fringe benefit**)

http://www.womenshealthmag.com/features/blogcontest

To nominate my blog you will need to provide:

Your first and last name
Your email addy
My blog URL:   http://fat-angry-blog.blogspot.com
My blog genre:  weight loss
50 words or loss on why you love my blog.

Thank you for your support! :>

Since I am behind on my blog reading, I am not going to tag the others I know who are looking for nominations (in case I miss someone) BUT feel free to post in the comments if you are looking for nominations too.

awards, tmi girl stuff, general thoughts and Fraggles

OK so my head and back are killing me...

I can't promise that this post will be strung together with any sort of meaning.

First, the lovely and verbose My Big Fat Super Super Obese Blog (soon to be: My Getting Skinny Super Super Teeny Weeny Blog gave me the stylish blogger award.  As I've already received it - I say thank you very kindly and again, invite those who don't have it to snag it out of my sidebar.


Though I have never received a Versatile Blogger Award or a Life Is Good Award (and there may well be other blog awards out there that I don't have) though I really don't write my blog for awards or even to have X amount of followers (I was pleasantly surprised to see I have over 100 followers now - and I appreciate all your comments!)


I blog because it's a good outlet for me.  For years I had a livejournal.  Then when I left Son's father, I abandoned my first LJ and started a new one but then I just strayed away from using LJ so much and I got into Facebook and then Blogger, but not as much as I am now - if you know what I mean... and Babycenter when I found out I was pregnant with Baby Girl.


I started my FIRST post-partum period today... ugghy!


After Son my period was back super-fast but I was actually hoping it just wouldn't bother coming back this time...


*sigh*


Now I'm watching the Dr. Oz ep we taped earlier.. the guest is some guy I've never heard of Dr. Joe Mercola.


I did my Wii Sports Active workout and I think I'll still be going to the track with the girls later.


I've still been kicking around the idea of doing a vlog but I'm still too nervous.


Oh and coolest of cool - I bought 3 Fraggle puppets today.


Baby Girl (who has EIGHT teeth now if I didn't mention it before - I can't remember) loves Fraggle Rock.


She first saw it on Teletoon Retro and then we bought the DVDs but I was astounded to find Fraggle Rock puppets!


So we have Red, Boober and Wimbley.

OK - Can't think of what else to say... ciao for now!

Be accountable to yourself - why does someone need to do it for you?

I am going to talk about one of the blogs that I read. 

The blogger has been extremely successful with their plan and has posted a number of challenges that many of my blog friends have also found success with.

This verbose blogger is the subject of a lot of blog chatter, most of it positive and some of it negative.

However, last year the blogger (whom I am not naming ) would frequently quote and link to other blogs and then add their own editorial comments in their own blog posts.


All that being said, what prompted this post was my confusion regarding the following...

People, by their own words, are apologizing to this blogger for not following the plan/challenge to the letter and I don't understand why they seem to be making that blogger the person they are accountable to.

Shouldn't your ultimate in accountability be to yourself?  Or perhaps I'm reading it wrong.

I applaud the blogger's success and the successes of other bloggers on that blogger's plan/challenge but I think it's a healthier mental attitude to be accountable to yourself.

If you aren't ultimately accountable to yourself, as your own final authority, how can you expect to continue losing weight and/or maintaining your healthier lifestyle changes in the long run?

A good question

Goodbye Mirror asked me the following question within her reply to my previous blog post:

"...Since you asked a question on my blog, I think I am going to return the favor. :)
How do you blog about something personal (such as weight loss or religion), and try to keep your emotions in check?"


And here is my response (since I thought it was long enough to be used as a new post, even though I still have it as a comment on the previous post but here I corrected my typo - LOL!).

OK and now for the good question...

How do I blog about anything personal and try to keep my emotions in check?

Well, that's a tough one.

Truly.

I realize that putting my thoughts and feelings out here mean that I could get comments or replies that I don't care for or that may well be hurtful.

I try to find the spirit within which the comments or remarks are intended, and if they are meant to be helpful and out of a place of kindness, love and genuine concern, I try to respond in kind and moderate my response and literary "tone" for internet consumption.

Does that make sense?

Whereas, when it is meant in a hurtful way or is indicative of a manner that a person always uses - I equate it to rudeness, a superiority complex, or just someone being (or trying to be) a bully and in that circumstance - I don't care what someone like that thinks because that is not the sort of person/blog/energy that I want around me.

If the words come from someone I cannot respect, then why should those words have meaning to me?

I find it easier to make that separation or distinction when it comes to the internet and find it far more difficult when dealing with people in "the real world" - but does that help explain it?

Thoughts on individual choices

OK, I haven't been awake for very long so we'll see if I can make the thought in my head unfurl itself and grow into a post on my blog.

I know many people, at this time of year, can clash about their spiritual and/or religious beliefs just as I've seen people throughout my weight loss journey (thus far) clash about their method or ideology of weight loss, on whether the best approach is tough love or forgiveness or something in the middle...

I really think the comparable thing about weight loss and religion and/or spirituality (for some people - like myself, consider spirituality and religion to be separate and some see them as the same thing) is that we are ALL each on our own individual journey.

How we perceive and personalize our weight loss methodology can be compared to how we perceive and personalize our relationships with the Powers that Be (however you may choose to name them, He, She, It, Science, Nature, nothingness etc...

I am not here to rail on others about how they choose to lose, though I will respectfully comment out of concern in some cases.

And I am not here to try and enforce my own beliefs, be they about weight loss, Xmas, paganism, or the freakin' Tooth Fairy on others.

I am expressing thoughts and feelings about my own personal journey and on other things that I think and feel.

Some bloggers are very pro something and anti something else, some are blogging about keeping Christ in Christmas, some are blogging about not being into any sort of "holiday spirit", some are participating in various weight loss challenges from various sources, some are doing WW or Atkin's or are like me and just trying to do what seems to fit them best.

Why is there so much strife in the blogging world right now?

Why do sometimes people feel that using the internet gives them the right to be needlessly cruel or superior or just plain bossy?

I link blogs and bloggers and individual posts that make me think.

And I like to think that when I am linked, it happens in the same way.

I do not link blogs, bloggers or individual blog posts for people to mock or judge or humiliate.

Once, fairly early on in the life of this blog (if I recall correctly) I did comment specifically on an issue where a blogger I was reading had pulled things from the blog of a real life friend and made fun of that person.

I then commented on the blog post (where my reply was not posted) and then I also made a blog post here without naming or linking to my friend and without naming or linking to the person who mocked my friend.

So if you are following me or I am following you or both -- know that, that is not how this blogger works and know that I am not judging your religion, your faith, or your method of weight loss.

If I make a comment out of genuine concern or just confusion because I need to learn more about your choices - it will be respectful.

So, in the spirit of this post... I wish all of you the happiest of holiday seasons, no matter what you believe/worship/or abstain from participating in and I wish you all healthy choices and healthy weight changes going forward into the coming year.

Thanks for listening.

And the Award goes to... (yes, 5 of you are getting an award)

OK so I received clarification from Sarah that yes, I should choose some people/blogs to pass the award on to.

Let me add that it was very difficult to pick 5 of you as I could have easily handed out many more!

#1 Is my friend, Ellen @ Fat Girl Wearing Thin because she writes from the heart, she really cares about people and I just love her blog - plus she has an excellent hate-loss challenge for 2011 that I think everyone should join.

#2 Is Colleen @ Goodbye Fat Girl because although she doesn't have a lot of followers yet, I think she has a lot to say.  She also has another blog about her kids, that I've been back-reading and enjoy though it hasn't been updated in a bit.

#3 Is bd160 @ Dancing Towards Myself because although she hasn't been blogging for long, when she updates - she's interesting to read.

#4 Is Life as a Caterpillar because I enjoy her blog and she is really dedicated about tracking her food intake, which is one of the things that I think has really helped me thus far on my own journey.  Plus check out how nicely she rocks her new dress!

#5 Last, but not least, is my homegirl and one of my BFFs of many years, H. @ 1girl1dress1year because she makes me get my ass out of the house to exercise as well as she gets me out when my anxiety and panic make me want to hide away from the world.  She is smart, sarcastic and a damn good friend!

So ladies, enjoy your award!  And please pass it on to 5 other bloggers you admire.

Read a great post

Read a great post by Ann this morning. I know a lot of us are watching our BMIs and are enjoying going down into different category.

I think it was Princess Dieter who wrote sometime in November about celebrating BMI changes as well (though I could be wrong)...

Essentially, I read a lot of very interesting bloggers and sometimes they are all writing about being in a similar emotional place and/or weight.

I find it inspiring and interesting and sometimes I feel like the blog-world can be like a woman's cycle... you know how when you have a group of women who are together a lot and their cycles sync? Well, that's what I think about blogs at times as well.

Many of the people I follow are participating in a challenge by a well-known blogger named, Allan. I am not one of those people but for those that are doing it and seeing successes, good for you!

And for those who are not doing it and/or are not fans of that blog/Blogger - that's fine as well.

I read your blogs because I am interested in what you are writing/doing/feeling/experiencing and not because you are all Gung-ho about a particular approach to weight loss or because you are not a fan of a particular approach.

OK that's it for the moment - I am having my hot water, lemon and honey for my stupid cold now...

One last thing - more like a note to myself...

THIS BOOK sounds interesting. I may have to look for it after Xmas.

Now I can't find the blog post someone wrote that got me thinking

I've been reading a lot of blogs, some that I am following and some that I have bookmarked but am not committed enough to follow.

But there was an excellent post someone wrote about their differing views on being 180 lbs depending on which side of it they were at at the time.

Going to take another peek through for it.

*Edited to add that it was the lovely Lyn and here's her post: http://escapefromobesity.blogspot.com/2010/10/thin-or-fat.html

Last night

I slept like complete shit.

Baby Girl was up every couple of hours. Hubs was horny and having a hard time sleeping because I was too tired for any "adult fun". And I was having completely whacked out dreams.

You'd have thought I'd been consuming illegal substances or was really, really drunk or SOMETHING had you been able to join me in my dreamscape last night.

I'm sitting here, listening to the coffeemaker in the kitchen and Baby Girl babbling happily to herself while the silly orange cat is attacking a purple crayon and Hubs is out walking the hairy beast.

Son is quietly playing with Lego.

And I need to eat something (or drink a smoothie).

But instead, here I am - reading and blogging.

I think Hubs is afraid this is an obsession for me or something. I mean I use a food scale, I write down what I eat if I am not near a com to add it to my food diary on http://www.fatsecret.com and I am slowly taking off weight while also slowly increasing my activity level.

I worry about having milk issues quite a bit now that Baby Girl has started on some solids and have been debating whether or not I should try the Organic MilkMaid Tea that I have not needed to open yet.

And I've been thinking about http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_dysmorphic_disorder a lot. It's something I was talking to my therapist about back in 2009 and I've noticed some other bloggers talking about it as well.

I seriously thought it was only me.

I know, I know - how ridiculous. It's so strange to me that so many other bloggers and dieters and lifestyle changers have similar feelings and experiences.

My life so far has kind of taught me to view myself as an oddity because there have not often been others in my life who could relate.

Well, welcome to the internet.

Call me naive but I really had no idea that this time around, I wouldn't feel as "alone" in my journey.

So - to those who are helping me - even if they don't realize it - Thank you!

I had to comment on one of the blogs I am following

A blogger I started reading tells some hard truths in their blog, but I've been interested in waht I've read thus far.

This morning though, I noticed that they blogged about an unnamed blogger. And as I started reading their post, I realized that I also read the post from the blogger that they were quoting.

So I replied.

Hubs wanted to know what I was typing about so I am putting my reply in this post to show him since the blog I commented on has moderated comments so I don't know when my comment will show up.

*Edited 2x to add: my comment was not posted, though subsequent ones have been, and that person no longer follows this blog but did make a subsequent post featuring my reply. I replied to that too but again, I do not know if it will be posted or not.

I am used to copying things before I send them due to years of issues with coms so here's my comment on the original post (not the follow-up post that featured my comment):

I've read the post and I notice you didn't mention that she's dropped 2 dress sizes. She's also over 5 ft 5.

A lot of the weight loss blogs I read have the bloggers utilizing cheat days or cheat meals.

I don't do it that way myself - I decided with my lifestyle change that I can eat anything I want to but with moderation.

I track my food & calories on fatsecret.com and I am losing because I am making myself accountable but not making things off-limits because I know from experience that I cannot "diet" but I can make a gradual lifestyle change to make me healthier.

But if it's working for the aforementioned blogger (as well as many other bloggers I've encountered) it's a part of their journey.

Slow changes that lead people in the right direction just mean that the journey may take longer or be slightly different than yours (or of some of the previous people who commented on this post).

Edited to add the reply I wrote on the post about my previous reply:

Yes, eating BK wasn't a good choice. But I am being honest in my blog about what I am doing whether it helps or hinders me.

I've gone through a lot of things in my life where I hid things and it hurt me.

As I go through this journey - I expect to hit highs and lows emotionally and have good days and bad days.

I also expect that my views on how to effectively achieve my goals might evolve and change as well.

And in sorting out all these thoughts and feelings, I expect to hit roadblocks, experience confusion and maybe change my mind or mindset about things as I find what works for me.

I'm OK with that.