Friday, July 30, 2010

another potentially helpful tool <-- to calculate your basal metabolic rate

Your BMR, or basal metabolic rate (metabolism), is the energy (measured in calories) expended by the body at rest to maintain normal bodily functions.


According to Fat

My Weigh in Report
You lost 0.4 lb (0.1 %) since you last weighed in on Thursday 29 Jul 10.
At that rate it will take you about 10 months to get to your goal weight.

weight: 276.4

Thursday, July 29, 2010

water calculator

If I get in one hour of exercise and drink one alcoholic beverage I need this much water...

177 ounces of water today, or 5.3 liters.

If you eat a healthy diet, about 20 percent of your water may come from the foods you eat. If you eat a healthy diet you can drink 141.6 ounces of water today, or 4.2 liters.

Remember that water is the best source for your daily fluid needs. Other good beverages include milk, herbal teas, low-sodium broth, 100% fruit and vegetable juices. Soft drinks will also count toward your daily total of fluid, just remember that sugar sweetened soft drinks and fruit juices add extra calories to you daily diet that you don't need.


When I am stressed, anxious and/or depressed I have a history of doing "unhealthy" things.

In the past I used to drink a LOT. In high school, back when I would lightly cut the inside of my thighs (which I don't do anymore) or pull out my hair (which I still do) or bite my nails until I drew blood (which I still do) I also drank quite a bit of alcohol.

I used to have a bottle of Tia Maria hidden in my bedroom. I used to take shots until I felt like I could fall asleep at night.

At its worst - my insomnia allowed me 2 - 3 hrs of sleep per night.

At my worst - I was single but sleeping with 3 different guys in the same time frame and considering others.

At my worst - I drank so much that I blacked out and had to be talked off a balcony after revealing some of my deepest, darkest secrets of what I survived as a child.

At my worst - I actually tried to cultivate an eating disorder because I thought that was the only way to gain some control of my life but I hated trying to make myself throw up.

At my best - I sleep 6 -7 hrs a night.

At my best - I am faithful and committed to my romantic partner (Hubs).

At my best - I consume alcohol in moderation. 0 - 4 alcoholic beverages in a month.

At my best - I try to eat in moderation and make healthier choices without cultivating a sense of denial or a feeling of being deprived.

I've decided that fatsecret seems a better site for charting my food.
Here's a cut'n'paste of what I ate yesterday:


Total Calories: 2088

This is some of what I ate
This is exactly what I ate
RDI(%) Sod(mg) Fat(g) Carbs(g) Prot(g) KCals
87 2408 93.79 210.45 91.23 2088

Breakfast 11 140 5.00 48.00 18.00 270
1 serving starbucks chocolate banana
11 140 5.00 48.00 18.00 270

Lunch 16 913 17.85 42.88 17.68 392
1 slice lifestyle, lean, turkey breast
1 213 0.35 0.88 3.58 22
1 serving spreadable omega 3 butter with canola oil
3 75 8.00 - 0.10 70
2 servings Twelve Grain Bread
10 320 5.00 40.00 10.00 240
1 serving Velveeta cheese slice
3 300 4.50 2.00 4.00 60
1 cup Water
- 5 - - - -

Dinner 27 744 32.93 15.30 43.20 647
2 patties Ground Beef (70% Lean / 30% Fat, Patty, Cooked, Pan-Broiled)
15 142 23.93 - 35.20 367
1 serving Rickard's Red beer
7 - - 11.30 - 160
2 servings velveeta cheese slice
5 600 9.00 4.00 8.00 120
1/2 cup water
- 2 - - - -

Snacks / Other 32 611 38.01 104.27 12.35 779
1 serving barq's root beer
7 70 - 45.00 - 160
1 serving crispy minis ketchup flavour
4 190 3.00 14.00 1.00 90
0.67 serving milk chocolate bunny
6 20 8.71 15.41 2.01 147
1 serving skippy peanut butter
8 150 16.00 7.00 7.00 190
1 medium sugar twist doughnut
8 181 10.30 22.86 2.34 192

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Kids say the damnedest things!

Was just talking to my oldest child and was asked why I was on the fatsecret site and I said, "Because I want to lose over 100 lbs."

The reply: "Then you should wait until you have lots of money."

me: "Why?"

The follow-up: "Because then you can do Herbal Magic because it works and it lasts."

me: ROLLING MY EYES!!! Trying not to laugh!

So I added the smoothie rep to Fat Secret

Don't know if it is going to get approved or not but by doing that it figured out the calories for me so when I make the smoothie like this:


  1. place 1/2 cup fresh or frozen raspberries into blender
  2. add 1 medium-sized sliced frozen banana or mashed fresh banana (so your blender does less work)
  3. add 1 cup of frozen spinach "nuggets" or fresh, washed spinach (I use Europe's Choice Chef's Spinach) that I let partially thaw so I can chop them to save strain on the blender) This is approx. 3 frozen "nuggets"
  4. add 1/2 cup Blue Diamond unsweetened Vanilla almond milk
  5. add 3/4 cup of Mapleton's fat-free vanilla probiotic organic yogurt
  6. add 1 tsp ground cinnamon & 2 tsp cocoa powder & 1 tsp honey (I use raw, unpasteurized wildflower honey from the Farmer's Market) Then blend, pour and enjoy. Makes one big serving :>
The nutrition summary is:

There are 374 calories in 1 serving of Raspberry/Spinach/Banana/Choco... smoothie.
Calorie break-down: 10% fat, 73% carbs, 17% protein.

weight: 276.8 lbs

consumed thus far:
- Chocolate Banana Vivanno from Starbucks 270 calories
- water

Sorry I didn't post yesterday - I was busy and headachey and cranky.

Monday, July 26, 2010


weight: 277.2

Are you fucking kidding me? I thought since I actually got a workout in I'd see something better than this?!?!?!

Consumed thus far:

1/2 cup lean, lifestyle, turkey breast

Been awake since 9ish.

Rough night with the little one though, was up 3x.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

I'm sweating!

OK 22 minutes on the elliptical of naughty noises - maybe I should call it ENN???

Anyway, got Hubs to take the kids upstairs to watch a movie but he really seemed to be stalling. Then before he went up he was complaining about the lack of chocolate and chips in the house.

I told him to eat some baby carrots and I got bitched at.

Seriously, he needs to make up his mind to either be fully supportive of healthy lifestyle changes for the whole family and vocalize or he needs to SHUT UP!!!!!

Because whether anyone in this family likes it or not -- we've got to change our ways. And it really feels like it will be now or never.

For supper I had 1 lean hamburger patty. Meat is from the farmer's market and the patty has no filler - just beef (and garlic powder and black pepper).

Had two tsp of Diana's honey garlic sauce on it and a slice of processed Velveeta.

For snack I had 1 evil 2 bite cupcake but I didn't eat the frosting and just before my workout I had a Skippy PB sandwich.

Had 1 500 ml bottle of water during workout and half a bottle while typing this.

Now it's time for a shower!

Had a smoothie for lunch

same as the smoothie I made yesterday except I had 3 nuggets of spinach in it this time.

Have a headache, am a little cranky and I really want to eat some of that damn leftover pizza.

Think I will have ONE piece (rather than 6). Seems a fair compromise to my cravings.

Well I royally screwed myself yesterday

weight: 277.6

I blame the stress, my stress-induced eating, and actually having pizza and cupcakes in the house.

When it's here - it's hard to resist as a battle royale of my willpower vs my need to eat when I am upset -- willpower always loses.

Been awake for about an hour and a half.

Consumed thus far:

I did not get on the squeaky elliptical yesterday as hubs didn't want to take the kids out and the portion of time I did leave him alone with the kids, I was disposing of items we no longer needed.

Of course the housework I was doing should've helped but 6 slices of pizza does not equal weight loss.

Confessions (from yesterday):

Checking out Calorie Count but I am not so good with logging things.

Today is a new day - let's see how it goes.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

what a day

Kind of a rough day... caved and ate pizza after a blow out with hubs re: housework.

grr arrgh!

OMFG! Can I blame my kids for my weight gain?

And not just the pregnancies themselves but the fact that when my kids have a tantrum all I want to do is eating a fuckton of chocolate.

They make poor choices and then I have to discipline them. We'd all be much happier (and I bet you I'd be thinner) if they would just make good choices.

And when they are in trouble - instead of apologizing they throw even more of a fit so they get in even more trouble.

OK, drinking more water - and I ate.

- toasted poppyseed bagel
- small amount of omega 3 butter
- 1 processed cheese slice
- 1/2 cup lean, lifestyle, turkey breast

weight: 276.0 lbs

my head is killing me

I've been awake for an hour and I still haven't eaten.

Am drinking some icy cold water right now while I debate my options. Not sure if hubs is going to take the kids out at some point today for me or not so I can get back on the squeaky elliptical of cheap motel sex sounds or not.

Hmmn, SEoCMSS is too long too. EoCM? Whatever.

I've heard that apple cider vinegar is helpful re: weight loss. I remember years ago I used to take a capsule of that with some St. John's Wart.

I don't even know where to buy raw, unpasteurized apple cider vinegar but if I could find some, I think I could deal with taking a tsp or 2 before each meal - seems a small thing and even if it helps via a placebo effect -- I'll take all the help that I can get!

Friday, July 23, 2010

Weight loss ticker

As you can see I now have a weight loss ticker on the blog from

It shows how much weight I want to lose (118 lbs) and it shows my starting BMI and what my BMI will be when I achieve my weight loss goal.

BMI at 277 lbs is: 45.4
BMI at 160 lbs will be: 26.2

I'm dying - holy crap!!! Sweating like a pig!

OK, kudos to me for 20 mins on the semi-operational elliptical.

me - 1
Apathy - 0

For music I flipped on channel 100 aka ROD and then selected TV shows, MuchMusic and The Wedge ep 217

I have sweat dripping down my face and I drank 500 mL of water while on there.

It's a little hard to breathe right now but I thought I'd update and then go hop in the shower (not sure I can make it up the stairs right this second) so this is my breather.

WHOOSH (the sound of me exhaling loudly).

While I am cooling off I will tell you the tale of the elliptical. The one in the store was awesome but when I bought this, I had no idea how un-handy hubs was. So instead of paying an extra 200 or 300 on top of the price of the elliptical, I figured hubs would be able to figure it all out.

Well, it did get assembled after great amounts of swearing and, somehow, the electrical component was not completed properly so the monitor (which you can use to program resistance and all sorts of nifty things) only works with 4 or 6 C sized batteries.

I don't have any batteries so I'm using this old school, baby!

However, for some reason (maybe because I weigh so much) it creaks like a son-of-a-bitch!

It creaks so badly it reminds me of the first time I spent the night in a cheap motel.

Sounds like well-used mattress springs. And it's sort of rhythmical.

I hope the neighbours can't hear it or they'll think I'm screwing around on hubs since he is out with the kids.

Shower time!

Smoothie recipe

3/4 cup organic fat free yogurt
1/2 cup unsweetened vanilla almond milk
1/2 cup frozen raspberries
2 frozen spinach "nuggets"
1 frozen medium-sized banana
1 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp Saugeen Country unpasturized raw wildflower honey
2 tsp cocoa powder

I'm drinking it with a straw as I am adding the links to the post...

If it's on the internet, it must be true!

OK, so a lot of my friends have teased me about believing this to some extent. And it was hilarious when this line was used in a episode of a very funny show called, "Cougartown."

Please note that not everything on the internet is actually true and, when in doubt re: an email forward that you are thinking of sending to your entire contact list - please check the information on!

Back to what I was going to write about... according to the internet, Smoothies are the best energy snacks to have before a workout.

an excerpt from the linked article:

Smoothies are possibly the best pre-workout snack. They provide hydration and are easily digested. If made with milk they provide additional protein, whereas fruits provide natural sugars to fuel your muscles and boost glycogen reserves.

Guess it's time for me to make a smoothie then now that I am alone.

Must see how many of my daily servings of fruit and veggies I can fit into one smoothie made with the Magic Bullet (which I love!)

I built my own food guide

I built my own "food guide" via the Healthy Canada link I have on my blog. Go there, then click Canada's Food Guide and then you get to where you can make your own.

Or a quicker way do one yourself is if you click HERE.

Mine looks like this (btw, you can click on the pic to enlarge it):

So far I have had 1 bagel, 1 banana and 1 serving of lean deli meat (cooked lifestyle chicken breast) and water and 2 cups of tea.

That means before the end of the day I still need 6 servings of fruit or veggies, 4 grain servings, 2 milk servings and 1 more meat or meat alternative serving.

But meat is my favourite thing.

Did I mention this is hard?

Also, I must combat apathy and get some physical activity done today too!

So far it's been 7 trips on the stairs. Am I supposed to time them or something? And how many stairs before I should count them?

No matter - have arranged with hubs for him to take the kids out for awhile later so I can get my ass moving in PRIVACY.

I can't go to the gym because I already have issues with people seeing me, had the issues years before the weight problem began.

That also means I can't go swimming (plus I don't have a suit that properly encases "the girls") the suit I have now is a 3X but my breasts have gotten bigger (so has my stomach and my ass) and I refuse to buy a 4X suit.

Next summer I want the 3X suit to be swimming on me (yes, the pun was cheesily intended).

Apathy is winning today

I've been up for 2.5 hours and have eaten nothing.

I know I ought to be eating when I get up. Hell, the internet tells me so!

Excerpt from that link:

Eating early in the day keeps us from "starvation eating" later on. But it also jump-starts your metabolism, says Elisabetta Politi, RD, MPH, nutrition manager for the Duke Diet & Fitness Center at Duke University Medical School. "When you don't eat breakfast, you're actually fasting for 15 to 20 hours, so you're not producing the enzymes needed to metabolize fat to lose weight."

But I had a banana around 2 a.m. so that means I've only been fasting for 10.5 hrs.

And I am on my 2nd cup of tea. With skim milk and 1 tsp of farmer's market honey.

Guess I ought to eat something. Or blend something and then drink that.

So far today:

Apathy - 1
me - 0

weight: 277.6 lbs

OK, I paused in typing this to grab the last banana.

After this I might have my bread for the day in the form of a toasted poppyseed bagel with a bit of butter and some lean turkey breast.

The baby carrot weight-loss solution

Just a not-so-quick random thought post before I drag myself back to bed.

As you can see - I just started this blog.

At the moment I am drinking some water and I just ate a banana even though I know I bloody well ought to only drink water at this time of night.

weight: 278 lbs

So according to the internet, the proper weight for my age, height and gender should be within the following range: 117 lbs (low) - 159 lbs (high) *

I also found a site about Better Ideal Weight and calculating myself on the shorter side, my People's Choice Ideal Weight is listed as 184 lbs.

My personal ideal is 160 lbs. But I am setting my goal weight at 273 lbs for now. And each time I hit a goal, my new goal will be 5 lbs less than my current weight.

That way I am less likely to be demotivated.

Also - I would have to say that I have a few factors that I think have definitely contributed to my current weight.

The I-am-going-to-bitch-about-this-stuff-rather-than-owning-my-weight list:
  • genetics
  • two full-term pregnancies
  • emotional eating related to stress
  • mental health issues/disorders
  • I hate exercising
  • I love tasty food and am a picky eater
  • I don't cook
  • affordable food is usually the least healthy
  • I am afraid if I try to lose weight (again) and fail to keep it off (again) that I'll end up over 300 lbs which is my worst nightmare
Anyway, I need to get to bed so here's the random thought I had when I was upstairs in bed, after giving hubby the hand-job I mentioned in my first post.

"If I ate a baby carrot every time I had a negative thought about myself - I'd be too full to eat anything else in a day."

OK then, good night!

*I am between 5 ft 5 and 5 ft 6 hence why I used the low range of 5 ft 5 to the high range of 5 ft 6

Fat as Hell!

I'm fat as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore!

(So, I tweaked a famous line from "Network" - it's an homage, damn it!)

So here I am. Sitting mostly naked in front of a computer screen in the middle of the night.


Because I am sick of myself. I am tired of being tired. Of not being able to do the things I used to do.

Of being FAT!

Yes, the real F-word.

Fatty, fatty two by four, can't get through the bathroom door.

Fat like Weird Al pretended to be in his video, "Fat."

Fat like a bunch of those "Yo Momma..." jokes.

Fat like Gwenyth Paltrow in the fat suit in "Shallow Hal."

Need I say more?

At this point in my life, I would rather give my husband a hand-job than to let him have sex with me because no matter what position I am in, somewhere on my body, my fat will slap against me and disgust me so much that I will then lose all desire and want to curl up and cry.

I am the "fat friend" for everyone that I know (and don't pretend you don't know what I am talking about, you skinny bitches. Everyone has a friend where you can look at them and say, "Well, at least I'm not as big as _______." Enjoy it while you can, because someday you might end up where I am right now.)

Oh, and in case you haven't noticed, this is not going to be a blog that is all sunshine, rainbows and unicorns.

I am fat and I am angry and even if I can't share this with anyone in my life because they wouldn't know what to say or how to look me in the eye again - I am going to say it all here.

I see all these inspiring weight loss blogs thanking whatever meal plan or weight loss guru, book or inspiration that has motivated them. For the people who feel that way, I applaud you sincerely - without even a hint of sarcasm (but with a damn good dollop of envy).

If you can be positive and upbeat on your journey to health - more power to you.

But that's just not me.

Will it ever be? I don't know.

Will I ever fit into anything under a size 24 again? I fucking well hope so!

So this is my fat, angry blog - aka FAB.

What to expect in future entries:

  • swearing
  • occassional sex talk
  • venting
  • my personal "score card" aka ME vs APATHY
  • weight updates
  • random thoughts
  • emotional purging (not the same as venting, more of a "kissing cousin" to venting)
  • excessive punctuation, run-on sentences, probably some bad grammar