Sunday, November 27, 2011

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

I am still alive - just struggling

So, instead of keeping my promise to post once a week - instead I got sucked further and further into depression, stress and anxiety.

My relationship with Hubs has been extremely crappy, though I am hopeful that a lengthy conversation we had the other night will keep us in a better head-space with one another.

I just could NOT come on here and even attempt to post with Hubs and I getting into multiple arguments per day.

Him still being jobless and constantly feeling bad about himself and life really generated a negative cycle with a life of its own that impacted me so that I also got worse and reactionary and really, it has just been a really tough time.

And what do I do during a tough time?

I find forms of escapism.

Eating, drinking, general avoidance of some things and throwing myself into things designed to distract me from my unhappiness and my pain.

If I don't stop this fucked up ride I'm on now - I'll keep re-gaining the weight that I lost and that, in turn, will feed (what a great word, eh?) my negative pattern cycle.


Surprisingly, I can still manage to feel hopeful.

Yesterday was the first day in AGES (at least a month, honestly) where Hubs and I did not have one single argument.

I'd like to repeat that today and let this be the beginning of a new, more positive and loving time for Hubs and I and our relationship.

I believe if I can reduce my negative experiences and feelings that I can regain control over my emotional eating/self-destructive behaviours.

And I am pretty embarrassed to post this.

But - there it is.