My relationship with Hubs has been extremely crappy, though I am hopeful that a lengthy conversation we had the other night will keep us in a better head-space with one another.
I just could NOT come on here and even attempt to post with Hubs and I getting into multiple arguments per day.
Him still being jobless and constantly feeling bad about himself and life really generated a negative cycle with a life of its own that impacted me so that I also got worse and reactionary and really, it has just been a really tough time.
And what do I do during a tough time?
I find forms of escapism.
Eating, drinking, general avoidance of some things and throwing myself into things designed to distract me from my unhappiness and my pain.
If I don't stop this fucked up ride I'm on now - I'll keep re-gaining the weight that I lost and that, in turn, will feed (what a great word, eh?) my negative pattern cycle.
THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANT FOR MY LIFE!!!
Surprisingly, I can still manage to feel hopeful.
Yesterday was the first day in AGES (at least a month, honestly) where Hubs and I did not have one single argument.
I'd like to repeat that today and let this be the beginning of a new, more positive and loving time for Hubs and I and our relationship.
I believe if I can reduce my negative experiences and feelings that I can regain control over my emotional eating/self-destructive behaviours.
And I am pretty embarrassed to post this.
But - there it is.