Tuesday, November 30, 2010

I'm bloggy today

Why am I so bloggy today?

I have no freakin' idea! I've got things on my mind and I've shared some of them while the rest are still sort of circling without clarity at the moment.

Thanks for bearing with me!

I made a gmail account for this blog

I was previously using an email addy from a now defunct blog that was actually about sexuality and other adult content.

But I can't figure out how to switch my blog to the new email and instead I had to add the new account as a new author.

Grr Arrgh!

Blog envy - all the pretty blogs out there

OK so if you haven't noticed, I am neither an internet nor an html whiz.

Aside:  BTW - my latest blog issue is that when I click to add new blogs I am following to my list of the most recently updated 25 blogs, some of the ones I've added aren't showing up and I've had to add them by hand 9so to speak)... if you know I am following you and have a very recent update but you aren't showing in the list, please comment with your blog link and let me know. Thanks!

And now we return to my scheduled post:

I see a lot of very pretty blogs out there with custom images and designs and I am taking this moment to say that I am experiencing blog envy.

I'm not linking links or naming names because there are so damn many of you that I'd be afraid of accidentally forgetting someone but I just wanted to let you know...


*Note:  I also love the more basic blogs (like mine) because I follow you because of what you write and not what your blog(s) look like but it's kind of like when I see someone with flawless make-up.

I think to myself, "Wow, she looks great!  I wish I could do that."

But, I assure you, I am ham-fisted with a makeup brush as I am with html.


TMI Tuesdays! (This time it might actually be TMI)

This was fun last time so I'm doing it again.

(See how much blogging I can do when Hubs is out and about?)

13 things about me (last time I did 13 things that make me me)

1.  I weighed 3 lbs and 11 oz when I was born and dropped to 3 lbs and 4 oz shortly thereafter.  I then had surgery when I was 2 weeks old because I had patent ductus arteriosus.  This was a big deal back in 1972. And I am extremely thankful for Toronto's SickKids Hospital  since that's where the surgery was performed.

I still have the scars and here's the proof (the pic was taken a long time ago to go with a poem I wrote).

2 a).   I have 1 half-sister via my birth Mom.  She and I are close and she went to school with my oldest niece (re: my adoptive side of the family) so they would tell people they were cousins.

 (I was 22 in this pic and my sis was 14)

2 b).  I have two half-brothers via my birth Dad who I have not had any direct contact with since like 1992 though one or two Christmases ago he told my half-brother who I am in sporadic touch with to tell me he (birth Dad asshat) said, "Hey."

I have only seen my other half-brother ONCE in his adulthood.

Both my half-brothers have addiction issues.

I have two nephews and one niece from my half-brother who I am in sporadic touch with and one of those nephews has autism to the same degree as Son.

2 c).  In my adoptive family, I have an older brother and two older sisters.

 This pic is of my brother's wedding.

In it (from L to R) are my brother-in-law and his wife, aka my oldest sister, my late father, my sister-in-law and her husband, aka my brother, me (down in front in the same dress I was baptized in), my late mother and my other sister (who is now married to her 2nd husband).

I have 4 nieces and 2 nephews, a nephew-in-law, a niece-in-law and an ex-nephew-in-law.
Here is an old pic of  my nieces and nephews.

I also have 2 great nephews and 1 great-niece. This pic was taken in July... it's Son, great-nephew #1, great-niece and Baby Girl.

My youngest great-nephew was just born on Nov 21st (no photos of him yet).

3.  Sometimes I dream things that come true, even if some of the details of the dreams are off-kilter.  I have predicted pregnancies, moves, accidents, deaths and then more mundane things like home improvements or furniture purchases.

4.  I am very excited that Hubs goes in for his vasectomy on Friday morning!!!  He (finally) has his consultation this morning and was lucky to be scheduled so soon since there has been NO intercourse since shortly before I had Baby Girl on March 24th.

I miss "adult fun time."

5.  I can't sleep if the closet door is open even a crack.  That sucker needs to be fully closed!!

6.  I was baptized twice as a child.  Once before my heart surgery (I was baptized Catholic) and once again after I was legally adopted, when I was 6 years old, and that baptism happened at a United Church.

This is me with my late Godparents on the day of my (2nd) baptism...

7.  On the church theme, I was confirmed at the same United Church when I was about 15 years old and the only reason I went through with it was because I had a MASSIVE crush on one of the boys who was in my confirmation class and he also attended my high school.

He never paid any attention to me.

8.  Both of my Moms had breast cancer.  One died from it.  (the pic is of me with my Moms when I married Son's father in May 2001).

My Mom had two of those mint green outfits.  She was buried in one of them.

9.  **NO PICS FOR THIS ONE***    I often blog naked (or naked under my housecoat) because I hate wearing clothes.  This is not a weight-related thing, I started spending most of my time nude once I lived on my own with no roommates.

I also breast-feed Baby Girl while blogging - hence why I often edit my posts - LOL!

10.  I think Vick's Vapour Rub is awesome!  Seriously!  I put it on my forehead and temples for migraines, my back, neck and chest for coughs and colds, and I even put it on the bottoms of my feet and then cover my feet with cotton socks to help with the coughs, colds or migraines.

11.  I have a lot of ex-lovers.  Sometimes I'm ashamed of it, sometimes I'm almost proud of it but usually I'm rather matter-of-fact about it.

Hubs knows my number and he knows the most important thing about the number (which is not the fact that it is more than 8 times of his single digit number of lovers) -- he knows that the most important thing is he is the last number.

12.  I used to be obsessed with New Kids On The Block.

13.  I still worry that I look like a boy and it drives me nuts when people say that Son looks like a girl and Baby Girl looks like a boy!

Eventually this becomes a "thank you for reading and understanding" post

The kind where you pause and say, "I'm ____ years old and I still don't know how to be what I want to be when I grow up."

For me - the number is 38.

When I was in kindergarten I wanted to be a Mom and a writer and over the years other things got added in, I think when I was 13 or so I wanted to be a Mom, a writer, an actress, a singer and a dancer.

The only things on that list that never changed were wanting to be a Mom and wanting to be a writer.

I have tons of unfinished fiction pieces, I have a lot of poetry, and I have some blogs.

Does blogging make me a writer?  (A poor, unpaid one, but a writer nonetheless???)

This is the main blog that gets my attention and I keep debating whether or not I should merge my main blog with this one but I have a main blog (mostly filled with hypothetical tumbleweeds at the moment), a poetry blog and a blog about my kids all affiliated with my non-anonymous life.

I have a Twitter account (that I rarely use), I have a Facebook, I have a real name that's not "Jayne Doe" or "FatAngryBlog" (though even on my other blogs, I don't use my real name because I get paranoid since at least on FB I can use privacy settings).

The reason I started this Fat, Angry Blog was because I wasn't ready to tell people in my real life about my weight loss journey.

I had a fear of failure and even a fear of being mocked for trying to change AGAIN and lose weight AGAIN.

Now my other blogs don't have many followers,  but I have always sort of separated my life and my identity into different pieces and certain pieces are what some of my acquaintances relate to and a few people get the whole package in all it's sarcastic, self-depreciating glory.

So I am still not ready now to merge the blogs, I have started to consider it.  Though the poetry/fiction should probably still stay on it's own even if I do decide to roll everything else into one in the future.

But I have to say that I am so pleased to have "met" so many wonderful people on this journey to health.  Some of you are in the same place I am, some of you are way ahead in maintenance-land and some of you are just starting out and I have to say that I learn things from and/or relate to all of you and I hope that you (the collective you) find the same things when you come here.

Thanks for listening, thanks for reading, thanks for understanding and thanks for commenting so I know I'm not just yelling into the wind!

Finally a small drop

This cold has been kicking my ass.

My activity level has dropped overall, my water intake has dropped and my eating has been not so great nor on a regular basis.

This is the first drop I've seen since Friday.

weight::  232.6 lbs

But I'm very glad to see it.

I feel less congested this morning so maybe I'm on the mend?

update re: burlesque and belly dancing classes.

The schedule for the studio is up and, at present time, the burlesque class time doesn't work as it is on Friday evenings.  With Hubs picking up Step-Daughter every other Friday way out of town, I have to take Baby Girl with me to Son's Kung Fu class (which he has 2x per wk) so I can't do it :(

The belly dancing, I might be able to attend one of the 3 nights they have it -- the Tuesday evening because it's after Son will be home from Kung Fu class so Hubs can be home with the kids.

The problem is that 1G1D1Y cannot do any of the 3 nights listed.  If we can come up with 7 people minimum, we could have a private class but we do not have 7 people at this point.

But there's still time to see if we can sort things out somehow.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Aftermath of the bellydance trial class

OK I enjoyed it but I was embarrassed and I hate to watch myself.  Even when I was thin, I was not a fan of mirrors in clubs and such because I always had an odd feeling of being disconnected from myself when I saw (or still see) my reflection.

When I got home, I emailed the studio owner the following message:

"OK so I tried the class today and I had fun but I am worried because I couldn't really feel the muscles you were talking about for part of the class.

I mean, yeah, I am overweight and out of shape and I'm sure the c-section I had in March didn't do me any favours either.

So I have to ask you, honestly, have you ever had someone who was so uncoordinated and out of shape that they just couldn't pick it up?

Because I still think I'd be interested in the class but I need to know if there has ever been a no-hope-er because I think I was probably the worst one in the class today (hence why I mostly hid behind you).


She replied with:

"You are far too hard on yourself!  You were not the worst in the class - and honestly, feeling horribly uncoordinated is not at all uncommon!
I've had lots of people come in with two left feet. We generally do not move that fast in dance classes, so its a bit overwhelming at first.

Muscles, yes, exactly. You won't feel those yet at all.
Especially with a Csection, you need to rebuild and restrengthen those core muscles over time.
Most people have no control over glutes, or obliques. It took me at least a year before I started to feel those.
When I started dancing I was _____lbs - It was harder to feel the muscles.. but when i pushed in those areas I could eventually feel them, and as they built up i noticed certain moves and postures were so much easier to do. But the trick is to build them, it takes time and use to get them stronger. Everyone has core muscles or we'd be toppled over... Maximizing on those core muscles is a whole other story!  When i first started, my instructor kept saying "use your inner thigh"  I had NOOOO clue what that felt like. Honestly, I never felt that for at least 5 years into dance, and then one day i realized what was being used.

Bellydance isolates these muscles, and its a nice low impact way to strength and build them. I'm sure even just standing them doing hip slides you broke a sweat!  the room got very warm, very fast!! Its all part of it!  These are all weird, and isolated awkward moves.. once you break your body in, control it and have it listening to you, then the graceful feelings, the flexibility and strength really show their faces.. but the very first steps always seem like a battle. Its breaking muscle memory from your entire life!

So her reply made me feel a lot better about my feeling of having no coordination.

After the class, we got to stay and watch the instructor/owner dance with her troupe and they were marvelous!  I just couldn't help but smile as I watched them. 

When taking actual classes, the pace is a lot slower for learning certain moves and such, but the trial class tried to give a bit of an overview on a number of the moves one would learn.

Oh and there's an open house at the studio on Jan 2nd and there is a free mini-trial of all the classes they offer then, so I hope I can get over there and try the mini-trial of the burlesque class.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Trial belly-dance class in 45 minutes!

Down Hips Dance Studio also offers a burlesque class (which I might be interested in) but there's no date on the free trial class for that one yet.

I really wasn't keen on the boot camp I tired and it was really hard on my knees.

But learning to bellydance (something I've been curious about since I was in my early 20s) or learning burlesque (something I've sort of fantasized about for about 5 or 6 years) could be awesome health-wise and self-esteem wise plus Hubs would be keen on it for his own nefarious reasons...

Super Sore throat

OK so I looked online and a lot of people use ACV & honey or honey & lemon for a sore throat.  I also found this one on a forum:

01/20/2010: Rhapsodie from Belfast, Ny replies: "Stephen, I love my cider vinegar mix. 1-2 tbsp. of vinegar, 1-2 tbsp of honey, 1-2 cups of hot water, ginger to taste, cinnamon to taste, and sweetening to taste. My recommendation is to use the same measurements of vinegar and honey as you do water. The benefits of the honey, ginger, and cinnamon are very healthy. Honey is a healing agent, cinnamon reduces the glucose effect of the honey, and ginger decreases inflammation. I am diabetic and have no sugar problems with the use of this recipe. I have also noticed the benefit of reduced appetite, increased healthy feeling, loss of arthritis pain, more regular bowel movements and NO ACID REFLUX or pain from the combination."

Have any of you tried it?

And as of last night, Baby Girl suddenly had a runny nose like a faucet and my throat feels like I swallowed a steel wool pad plus I started sneezing.

As you know, I'd been fighting off the start of a cold for awhile now but we picked up Step-Daughter on Friday and she was a little sick and here we are.

Here's what I am trying this morning:

2 TBSP natural, wildflower honey mixed with 1 tsp cinnamon
added 1 TBSP apple cider vinegar
added 2 TBSP RealLemon juice
added 1 cup warm water

It tastes OK though it looks a little funny (because the cinnamon is floating on top a bit still).

Saturday, November 27, 2010

An NSV that I just noticed

Guess what I noticed?

I have ANKLES!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't know when I lost the cankles and I started to have more traditional looking legs consisting of a calf and then an ankle for each leg but -- HURRAY!!!!

My ridiculous winter coat from last year

Check this out...

The crappy subject of constipation (pun intended)

OK this makes me crazy!

Since I had Baby Girl I have continued to have serious issues with constipation.  At least they are for me.  For years and years I had issues at the opposite end of the bowel movement spectrum - which was also icky!

But I really get upset and cranky when I am constipated. 

Of course, i haven't had my supplemental fiber the past few days because it makes my stomach feel a bit MORE off on top of me still feeling rather yucky.

I'll update my weight once I get things moving, so to speak.


Friday, November 26, 2010

It's snowing outside

This Canuck is not a fan of winter. :(

Sleep is still an issue around here and I still feel rather icky, though marginally improved compared to yesterday.

weight:  233.0 lbs

We're supposed to pick up Step-Daughter after school today to bring her here for the weekend.  Since I am not keen on the drive out there and back in winter (since in ideal conditions and traffic it takes 2.5 hrs to get there from here) Son is staying home from school today because the plan is that we will all go in today since as winter really takes hold, Son and Baby Girl & myself will NOT go.

But we thought it would be good to go in this once before Christmas.

I have the Weather Network on right now.

Now I am re-thinking the decision to go in today because it sets off my anxiety.

Right now it is -3 degrees with light snow where we are... with cloudy flurries predicted for the rest of the day (maximum 5 cm predicted) I'll have to go to the Weather Network's website to see what it says about the town where Step-Daughter resides.

Hmmn wet flurries there.

What to do?  What to do?

Yesterday I discovered that Baby Girl is very amused when people are skipping.  Son is very good at skipping and when I was a kid, I was too.  I participated in the Skip-a-thons at school and things like that but now, I find it far more difficult.

Step-daughter is a very awkward skipper and apparently she comes by that honestly because Hubs is one of the worst skippers I have ever seen.  I love the man but seriously, I thought he was full of it when he told me how bad he was at skipping until I handed him the skipping rope and saw for myself!

Not sure how today is going to pan out... I guess we'll see.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

from the x-weighted website

Paul Plakas’ Sample
Circuit Workout
Circuit training is great for fat loss, muscle building and heart-lung fitness. We have listed a
sample circuit below to get you started. Complete the number of minutes or repetitions (reps) specified for each exercise.
Sample Circuit Training course
1 to 2 minutes skipping rope
15 to 20 reps of squats
15 to 20 reps of push-ups
1 to 2 minutes of jumping jacks
15 to 20 reps of lunges
15 to 20 reps of dumbbell rows
1 to 2 minutes of step-ups
30 to 60 seconds in plank position
15 to 20 reps of dumbbell shoulder presses
1 to 2 minutes of skipping
30 to 60 seconds of side plank position
15 to 20 reps of tricep bench dips
1 to 2 minutes of jumping jacks
15 to 20 reps of standing dumbbell bicep curls
15 reps per side of a dumbbell wood chop
1 to 2 minutes of step-ups
*If you are unsure of how to do an exercise, please consult a fitness professional at your local fitness centre.

Between my pseudo cold and Baby Girl's night time antics - I feel like crap!

Yes, like crap.

I haven't done any real exercise in a couple of days and my weight shows it.

weight: 233.2 lbs

I'm sneezing, my head hurts, my back hurts and I am full of phelgm which makes my head feel like it's super-huge!

I feel like Jim from MTV's The Head!

Baby Girl has just NOT BEEN SLEEPING at night.  We are lucky if she's gone to sleep by 2 a.m. and then she's up for boob around 4 (where she falls asleep again quickly but we don't) and again around 6 at which point she then conks out until around 11 a.m.

During the day, she tends to wake up as soon as we put her in her playpen (just like she mostly does when placed in her crib at night) but will sleep when being held.

I keep hoping this is teething related or just a growth spurt but it seriously SUCKS and it's making Hubs and I rather cranky (though he is worse than I am).

That being said, Baby Girl is still super-cute and she is 8 months old as of yesterday!

I feel a little light-headed, headachey and my tummy feels off so food has been tricky.

Though I forgot to blog about this -- but we had Lipton's chicken noodle soup the other day and I'd mistakenly grabbed a regular box rather than the low sodium.


And I grew up on Lipton's chicken noodle soup.  I seriously had it sometimes multiple times a week from my childhood onwards.

It was so salty I could barely stomach it!

I think I need to learn how to make soup since the only soup I've ever had when I lived at home or from when I was out on my own has come from a can, a box or a restaurant.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Fat to Fit bloghop

Thoughts on the journey

I ought to be in bed, but I needed to post.

I came down to look up what season of "Castle" is currently on the air since I recently watched S1 and S2 on DVD that one of my BFFs lent me.

While down here, I - of course - had to check out some of the blogs I follow.

I may not always comment but I so often identify with what you are writing and feeling and experiencing.

Tonight was a bit polarizing. Posts about the journey, posts about self-sabotage, posts about self-realizations - some positive, some fearful. Posts about making changes not just physically but mentally, emotionally.

Finding the strength in yourself to do things you haven't done before.

I am not going to link anyone since it's been a bit of a theme across a number of the blogs I read through this account as well as through non-weight-related blogs I read through my personal blog (which doesn't get much attention from me).

So I have to say this.

Recognizing what you've done in the past can go one of two ways. Either history repeats itself OR you carve a new path and each day, you ingrain that new pathway into yourself further so that instead of it being something overgrown where you might get lost, eventually - you will find your way to the destination you seek.

I believe in change.

I believe that every person has the power and ability to tune into the synchronicity of the universe so that things start to fall into place and that what we once struggled with can come naturally once we reach the right mindset.

I gave up before.

In 2006 I got down to 206.8 lbs and I gave up. Yes, there were other things that happened that had an impact in my unvoiced choice to give up, but I have to accept the responsibility for what happened.

Plus, my attitude back then was so negative and full of demeaning self-talk. I was exercising but I hadn't even attempted any REAL changes to my diet.

I was still drinking on the weekends when Son was with my ex and not always in moderation.

I wasn't really committed to changing, I just disliked so much of myself and my life that I thought if I got thin that everything would get better.

But it's not about getting thin to fix my life this time, or to find a new way to hide myself or re-invent myself.

This time, it's about making my body reflect my healthier attitude about my life.

Even with the bitching and common annoyances, I love Hubs. He's a good man and I am happy we found each other back in '07.

Even with the challenges, I love our kids. Yes, Son's behavioural issues re: autism and Step-Daughter's behavioural issues re: ADHD can be a challenge and then let's not forget my little sadist, Baby Girl, she of the biting, the pinching and the sleepless nights.

But I love them all.

And, the big thing, the thing I sometimes forgot in the past is a biggie -- I love myself.

I am a good person.

I care about people; I'm honest; I'm friendly; I'm funny (though not always on purpose) and a multitude of other things that make me who I am.

A person.

A good person, like I said before.

And it doesn't mean I have to be fat OR thin to be a good person.

And I don't have to try to hide myself or protect myself with extra flesh -- I can just get to where I am meant to be.

I am not going to be fat forever because the more weight I gained, the more I felt I lost my connection to my true self.

I'm not sure what weight I'll end up at, but I think I'll feel it when I'm where I should be.

So kudos and my love and support to everyone getting to where they want to be - no matter how long the journey may be.

We can all do this.

And we can do it for the love of OURSELVES.

I love myself enough to choose to be healthier, day by day, week by week, month by month and year by year.


Because I deserve to be healthier and because I can choose to do this for MYSELF.

It makes me think of that whole airplane spiel... take care of yourself before you take care of someone else re: the masks and protective equipment in case of an emergency.

Well, I've been taking care of someone else since I had Son in 2002. And even before that, I was always the type to put other people first.

I still tend to do that.

The difference is that now I've realized I need to acknowledge my own needs and that I do need to make myself a priority in my own life.

It's the right thing to do. And it is NOT selfish (which is how I used to feel).

And I am doing it!

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Sometimes when I click on my followers - I can't find your blogs

OK so those of you who are following my blog -- I want to make sure I am following yours so please post a reply if you think I am not following you (as some of my followers do not have public profiles for me to get your blog addys from).

Thanks in advance!

I got an answer to my Blogger problem.

I posted a help topic about it and the answer had to do with an html issue.


I am much happier now!

A new day

weight:  233.4 lbs

Still feeling under-the-weather.  Did not go to boot camp yesterday - went to bed early after Hubs had a soak in the tub because he's feeling like crap too!

This morning he and Baby Girl are sleeping in since she was up 3 times last night.

However; I'm putting in a load of laundry right after I post this.  Yesterday when Hubs let me sleep in you know what he got done while I was sleeping...

Have you guessed yet?

Here's your last chance to guess.

He got NOTHING done.  He was just dinking around on the internet.  Didn't throw in any laundry. didn't start dishes (like he promised he was going to get done on SUNDAY), just nothing.

That's one of the things that drives me nuts.

If you promise you are going to do somehting - DO IT and do it in a timely fashion.

I can't tell you how many times I've started to do dishes or something and Hubs will say, "Leave it alone, I'll do it."

And I will say, "I'm right here and I can do it."

Then he gets pissed off and says, "I said I'll do it so I'll do it.  Leave it alone."

But it takes him DAYS to finish the job.

Unfortunately, that really makes me really pissy.

Grr Arrgh!

Monday, November 22, 2010

Someone tell me how to fix my blog, please!

It's still messed up. If you comment, on the comment page -- my
sidebars and gadgets all appear as per normal.

But otherwise -- they are MIA when viewing my blog as a whole.

This is really frustrating me!


Good morning!

Slept in today.
(Thanks Hubs!)

Baby Girl didn't finally settle down until 1 a.m. then she was up around 2:30 a.m. for some boob and then again at 5:30 though I was having a hard time sleeping.

Got her back down around 6 a.m. and then I finally got some sleep - Hubs let me sleep as long as Baby Girl did which meant we got up at just after 11 a.m.

I had a piece of 100% whole grain, whole wheat toast with some peanut butter and 1 cup of unfiltered apple juice.

Haven't weighed in yet because I like to weigh it after I've breast-fed Baby Girl and after I've gone to the bathroom.

Though I tend to see even small losses when I've done cardio rather than floor and weight exercises so I don't anticipate seeing anything.

(If I do - I'll let you know).

EDIT:  weight:  233.8 lbs

I went out with 1G1D1Y to the store yesterday.  Other than that, I was house-bound.

I've had a headache and the feeling like a cold is about to envelop me for almost a week.  But yet, it hasn't progressed.

But that leaves me feeling rather out-of-sorts throughout my days.

Anyway, Baby Girl is babbling... I have S2 of Castle on the DVD player and Hubs is reading (still no luck for him on the employment front).

Here I sit at the com, blogging, while there is housework to be done by the adults of the house.

Trying the video AGAIN

(Don't know why because it's not, shall we say - flattering!)

This time I made it small so it MIGHT work...

Sunday, November 21, 2010

replies for "meet me on monday"

from the meme at: http://nevergrowingold.blogspot.com/search/label/Meet%20Me%20On%20Monday


1.  How many pillows do you sleep with?

Only two.  I used to sleep with 3 but I switched to two when I was pregnant with Baby Girl.

2.  Where will you eat on Thanksgiving?

Thanksgiving already happened in Canada but we didn't celebrate it with anyone this year.

3.  Would you rather go to a party or host a party?

I'd rather go to a party so I can leave when I want to.

4.  How many purses (for the guys..wallets) do you own?

I only have one functional purse.

5.  What is your favorite kind of seafood?

I am not a big fan of seafood but we do like steamed haddock.

Seriously annoyed by Blogger

I tried changing my template and stuff and I STILL can't get my other items to show up.

Though on the comment page -- it all shows. Just not when you view the blog as a whole.


Anyone else having problems like this?

Technical difficulties

I am having probs uploading a damn video.

Screw you, Blogger!

Also, my sidebars aren't working properly!

In case you are curious

New pic in workout clothes

Ellen posted a link

I've done a lot of these personality tests over the years and the funniest one was a number of years ago when I had all my percentages at just over 50% for each category.

Today I had Introverted 33%  iNtuitive 56%  Feeling 56% and Perceiving 11%.

When I was younger I was usually ENFJ but the one I did this morning indicates INFP.

http://keirsey.com/4temps/healer.asp says that means I am an Idealist Healer (whereas ENFJ would have me as an Idealist Teacher).

Here's an excerpt from that description that really applies to me:

"Healers might well feel a sense of separation because of their often misunderstood childhood. Healers live a fantasy-filled childhood-they are the prince or princess of fairy tales-an attitude which, sadly, is frowned upon, or even punished, by many parents. With parents who want them to get their head out of the clouds, Healers begin to believe they are bad to be so fanciful, so dreamy, and can come to see themselves as ugly ducklings. In truth, they are quite OK just as they are, only different from most others-swans reared in a family of ducks."

In Ellen's post she linked to this version of the test.

I used to use http://www.similarminds.com/ because they have a TON of related tests on that site!

Just did a big one on there and this is what I got:

Jung Explorer Test
Actualized type: ENFP
(who you are)
ENFP - "Journalist". Uncanny sense of the motivations of others. Life is an exciting drama. 8.1% of total population.

Preferred type: ENTJ
(who you prefer to be)
ENTJ - "Field Marshall". The basic driving force and need is to lead. Tend to seek a position of responsibility and enjoys being an executive. 1.8% of total population.
Attraction type: ENTP

(who you are attracted to)
ENTP - "Inventor". Enthusiastic interest in everything and always sensitive to possibilities. Non-conformist and innovative. 3.2% of the total population.

Take Jung Explorer Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Day 122 - I just woke up and BOOM achieved another goal

Good morning!

Since my weigh-in was done later on in the evening last night I was hoping I'd be lower than that this morning since I am usually up a bit near the end of the day.

I have passed my Nov 23rd goal weight of 235 by 1 pound!

weight:  234.0 lbs!!!!

Nice start of the day for me... (we slept like crap again last night due to Baby Girl's fussing).

ACHIEVED weight goals based on my 278 weight as of July 23, 2010

Goal 1: lose 10 lbs by Aug 23, 2010 - CHECK
5% of my July 23rd weight lost = 264.1 lbs - CHECK
Goal 2: get to 265 lbs - CHECK
Goal 3: get to 258 lbs by Sept 11, 2010 <-- CHECK as of Sept 18th
Goal 4: total weight loss at least 23 lbs by Sept 23, 2010 - CHECK
** 10% of my July 23rd weight lost = 250.2 lbs - CHECK
Goal 5: get to 249 lbs by Oct 11, 2010 - CHECK (248.0 actually)
Goal 6: total weight loss at least 33 lbs by Oct 23, 2010 - CHECK (exactly 33 lbs lost since July 23rd)
Goal 7: get to 239 lbs by Nov 11, 2010 - CHECK 239.0 lbs as of Nov 9th, 2010
**15% of my July 23rd weight lost = 236.3 lbs (lower than I was when I first met Baby Girl's godparents in the summer of '07) - CHECK 236.0 as of Nov 19, 2010 
Goal 8: total weight loss at least 43 lbs (I'd be 235 lbs) by Nov 23, 2010 - CHECK 234.0 lbs as of Nov 21, 2010

Saturday, November 20, 2010

BTW - day 121 almost forgot a weight update

Quick post because Baby Girl is cranky...

weight: 235.4 lbs!!!!!!!!!!

Here's the goofy picture... edited to add the PJ bottoms pic

"walking" pjs - LOL!

NSV - I fit into an old pair of my jeans (pics added)

I pulled out two pairs of old jeans from Reitman's and tried them on.

The size 14 pair did not fit (and I had Hubs take a photo of that but it shows to worst of my belly so I don't know if I'dd add it to this post later or not).

The other pair was size 16 and I am wearing them right now.

I also got a little crazy and tried on a size M top (which I am wearing despite it being tight) that I bought on sale once and never wore because I couldn't get it on.

It's not the most flattering fit at the moment but screw it -- I'm wearing it anyway!

OK here come some not so great photos - LOL! (The ones in my outfit of today would be better if I was wearing a bra, but I just threw my shirt back on after breast-feeding Baby Girl and skipped the bra)

Friday, November 19, 2010

Owwie, owwie, OW! My boobs hurt!


I said it.

My boobs HURT!

Baby Girl has been very... shall we say... BITEY lately!

She's already horrible for pinching but add the biting on top and I am shocked that my girls are not black and blue!

When Son was breast-feeding (oh so many years ago) when he bit, I would say, "Ow! That hurts!" Then I would remove him from my breast and say, "No" in a stern voice.

He stopped.

Baby Girl looks at me, smiles and then LAUGHS.

Apparently I am raising a cute, tiny, 4-toothed sadist.


I think I did this right - I created a Blog Hop, please join!

How many people can we get?

I hope I get at least 13 (my fav number).

Day 120 - 15% of my July 23rd weight is officially gone!!!!!!!!!!!!

Woke up and hit another goal.

weight:  236.0 lbs!!!!!!!!

Must thank 1G1D1Y for getting me to join her for the walk last night (I was already in my warm jammies so that's what I wore.)


  • I've lost 60 lbs from my highest recorded weight (which was 15 days before I had Baby Girl)
  • I've lost 50 lbs since I got home from the hospital after having Baby Girl in March
  • I've lost 42 lbs since I began this journey in earnest on July 23, 2010
  • I am 1 lb away from my Nov 23rd goal of 235 lbs

Good morning! :)

ACHIEVED weight goals based on my 278 weight as of July 23, 2010

Goal 1: lose 10 lbs by Aug 23, 2010 - CHECK
5% of my July 23rd weight lost = 264.1 lbs - CHECK
Goal 2: get to 265 lbs - CHECK
Goal 3: get to 258 lbs by Sept 11, 2010 <-- CHECK as of Sept 18th
Goal 4: total weight loss at least 23 lbs by Sept 23, 2010 - CHECK
** 10% of my July 23rd weight lost = 250.2 lbs - CHECK
Goal 5: get to 249 lbs by Oct 11, 2010 - CHECK (248.0 actually)
Goal 6: total weight loss at least 33 lbs by Oct 23, 2010 - CHECK (exactly 33 lbs lost since July 23rd)
Goal 7: get to 239 lbs by Nov 11, 2010 - CHECK 239.0 lbs as of Nov 9th, 2010
**15% of my July 23rd weight lost = 236.3 lbs (lower than I was when I first met Baby Girl's godparents in the summer of '07) - CHECK 236.0 as of Nov 19, 2010

Thursday, November 18, 2010

day 119 - weight update

Feeling kinda crappy physically.

But happy about this...

weight: 236.6 lbs

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Day 118 - Non-scale victory

OK this one is very personal.

And I am really proud of it personally but it's also a very humbling confession.

I think I've mentioned that I love a good soak in the tub.

We've got a standard sized tub in the place where we reside.

I just noticed the other day that the water all comes out.

Not sure what I mean?

Well, without using visuals... here's the skivvy.

Previously, when I had a bath, I would have to get out of the tub right away or the water would drain away from my feet and legs but would stay behind me because my thighs and behind acted like a dam.

But I just noticed the other day that the water was draining and that my thighs and behind were no longer creating an impasse for the water.

So that's my NSV.

Even if I find it a bit embarrassing to blog about.

another blog hop

Concerned about Step-Daughter

OK so I think I've told you that Step-Daughter resides with her mother a min 2.5 hour drive (one way) from where we live.

Well, at our home, we are very concerned re: Step-Daughter's health.  She will be 11 next year.  She is about 5 ft 1" tall and when she was here this past weekend she did two things.

While I was giving Baby Girl a bath, she stepped on the bathroom scale and asked Hubs to see how much she weighed.

129.6 lbs

Earlier in the day, she found my soft tape measure and was playing with it (and now I can't find it - but that's another story) and she measured some furniture, tried to measure the cat's tail, and she tried to measure herself and then asked for help.

She wanted to know how big her waist was.  It was 37 inches.

Hubs' waist is 36 inches.  Mine is down to 43 inches.

When we had Step-Daughter for 4 weeks this summer (2 in July and 2 in August) and during her last week (before she broke a bone in her foot), she had lost some weight and was down to 124. something.

Now she can't fit into the jean jacket she was given for her birthday and can't do up the jeans that she wore ON her birthday.

The first time we had Step-Daughter in October, she was up 2 lbs from her summer weight and now she's up 3 lbs from October.

And last night when Hubs was talking to MOSD (mother of step-daughter) it came up that Step-Daughter has been "stealing" food at her mother's house again.

This has happened here in the past and at her mother's and even at Step-Daughter's school in the past.

Now, MOSD is a large woman.  Shorter and much heavier than I am, plus she is a type 2 diabetic.

Step-daughter's family DR only says that step-daughter needs to eat a healthier diet and get more exercise.

I think her family DR (like many family DRs do) -- sucks!

We try and feed her healthier meals here since that fits in with my journey and quest for health.  And we talk about our family all getting healthier so we can do more things.

We get our kids outside (weather permitting) so we all (except Baby Girl) do some walking or other exercise

I think it's good that MOSD is at least talking to Hubs about this issue with Step-Daughter but I really don't know what she is doing about it.

Step-daughter does see a therapist - but I don't know if this issue has come up there.  I am going to suggest to Hubs that he suggest to MOSD that it be discussed there.

It's just frustrating.

I just hope that whenever Step-Daughter is here, she sees how much better our whole family life is because we are getting healthier and that she tries to apply that at her mother's house.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Day 117 -- Hubs let me sleep in!

Good morning, here I am, rolling out of bed at almost 10:30 a.m.

I'm nursing Baby Girl as I type.

Weight:  237.4 lbs

Yesterday was a rough day.  Son had an issue at school, an old friend had to finally decide to discontinue efforts to keep his father alive, and I felt kind of crappy all day but I still went to boot camp.

And I am glad that I did (although I am a bit sore today).

My friend losing his father was the worst... I have met his father only a few times during a friendship that spans 16 years and his Dad was very cool, and funny :)

After boot camp last night I had a bit of a cry on the drive home and I deliberately drove past the house I grew up in and gave into some sadness about the loss of my own parents.

Then I came home, had a post workout smoothie and caught up on some of the shows on my PVR.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Is it sad that I am scared to check?

I happened across the following information at this link:  http://exercise.about.com/gi/o.htm?zi=1/XJ&zTi=1&sdn=exercise&cdn=health&tm=27&f=10&su=p284.9.336.ip_p674.8.336.ip_&tt=2&bt=0&bts=0&zu=http%3A//www.workoutsforwomen.com/pregnancy_fitness_diastasis.asp


Checking For Diastasis

Diastasis is a separation of the two halves of your abdominal muscles in the middle of your belly. This condition commonly occurs during pregnancy.

Check your abdominal muscles weekly after 20 weeks gestation to see if your muscles have separated. 

1. Lie on your back with head and shoulders propped up on pillow, with feet flat on the floor.
2. Place the fingertips of your pointer finger and index finger 1 to 2 inches below your belly button, with fingers pointing toward your feet.
3. Exhale and lift your head and shoulders. Feel for a ridge protruding from the midline of your abdomen.

Still not sure if you have it? Press gently on your midsection directly underneath your belly button. The area where your muscles are separated will be softer than the muscles on either side. 

What If You Have The Separation?
A 1 to 2 finger width gap is considered normal. A gap of more than 2 finger widths requires modifications to most of your abdominal exercises to keep the two halves of your abdomen from further separating.

When performing abdominal exercises, wrap a sheet (folded to about 8 inches wide) around your waist and criss-cross it in front of you to splint the abdomen.

Hold onto the ends, and pull up and outward at a 45 degree angle as you contract your abdominal muscles, exhale and raise your head and shoulders up.

Well, now that I've read that I am worried that I have this issue but I am afraid to check.

Gotta love how my brain works sometimes... NOT!

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Went out for a nice walk today

It's a place Hubs and I have been once with just Baby Girl, once with Son & Baby Girl and then today with just Step-Daughter and Baby Girl.

More pics if you click on "are you ready for this"
Myself, Hubs, Step-daughter and Baby Girl

Still moody

Some stuff going on - nothing major but the sort of thing that really bums me out.

I may talk about it later.

Am getting ready to go out with Hubs, Baby Girl & Step-Daughter for a drive and a walk. (Son is at his father's house).

Am chugging my smoothie now.

Oh and a weight update.

Weight: 238.2 lbs

Thursday, November 11, 2010

I am grumpy today

Sometimes it is really hard being a Mom of a kid with autism.

Today was one of those days and that's all I feel like saying at the moment.


Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Went out with the girls this a.m.

Was out with 1G1D1Y and her bff, M. this morning and we had a meal at Cora's.

Of course now I am at a loss on how to record my food intake in my food diary.

Grr Arrgh!

I had 1 half glass of water there and 250 ml earlier at home.

I had 1 glass of a fruit cocktail juice made of orange, mango, papaya, raspberry and spinach.

And I had a crepemelette - it was a ham and swiss cheese crepe with added spinach.

I did ask for a breakdown and it was 5 slices of swiss cheese (but the slices were triangles so it's like 2 and 1/2 "normal" sized slices) and 4 similar width slices of ham plus a handful of spinach with 1/4 cup of crepe batter.

The crepe was like the size of one of the spinach wraps I buy but very thin (as crepes are known to be).

Not a clue what to put in my food diary though.


Am putting the fruit cocktail in my food diary as orange juice.

239.0 lbs pics

Remember - these were taken by an 8-year-old...


I slept like crap last night.

I have a load of laundry in and load of dishes in the sink.

Son has had breakfast and is finishing his home reading before it's time for school.

Hubs and Baby Girl are still asleep. (Baby Girl was up a few times last night - last time I breast-fed her was about an hour ago).

My stomach feels off and I have a headache. I know I SHOULD eat something (or make a breakfast smoothie) but I really don't WANT to.

I am tired and cranky today.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

The skunk song

OK so my son and I are a lil goofy.

And, because he has autism, sometimes he really likes to go on and on about the same thing.

Depending on what it is, sometimes I go with it, sometimes I redirect and sometimes I just like to distract him.

The dead skunk song happened because he had seen a dead skunk and then he wouldn't stop talking about it.

So I thought the best thing to do was to make a song about it.

But this was a bit ago so I can only treat you to the part I remember... (to be sung to the tune of "If you're happy and you know it")

"Oh poor, squished, stinky, sticky skunk. You create a very nasty funk. You didn't look before you crossed and now you're very very mussed. Icky, sticky, smelly, yucky, smushy skunk."

We've also used "There's a skunk in the road, dear Son, dear Son - a squished skunk in the road, dear Son a squished skunk."

A lot of the stuff I make up with the kids is set to the tune of songs I already know.

The it's bath time - get in there or else song is set to the tune of The Phantom of the Opera and is kind of ridiculous.

We also have songs about farts, washing hands and not touching the computer without permission.

Sometimes the songs get re-used but often I just sing whatever comes into my strange little brain.

TMI Tuesdays! (OK, not really TMI but I see a lot of blogs with cutesy titles)


As I soaked in a tub of eucalyptus scented Epsom salts last night I thought this might be a fun post.

If you read it, feel free to post a similar list in your blog and link back in the comments so I can come look.

13 things that make me-- ME!

1.  Bursting into real or made-up on the spot songs at random moments (sometimes to sing along with mall music and sometimes to sing about the dead skunk on the road).

2.  Being honest.  The people closest to me will attest to the fact that I am a lousy liar (though I rarely even attempt to lie).
3.  My unabashed love for TV shows where I am likely outside the target demographic (Vampire Diaries, the new 90210, the long-gone The O.C., pretty much a lot of the stuff on CW which used to be the WB).

4.  Tangents.  I have a lifetime pass on the Tangent Train.  Sometimes I share the tangents aloud and sometimes I go through them in my head and will often reply to something Hubs had asked or said an hour ago right after talking about something completely unrelated.

5.  I will ALWAYS ask, "Do you know this song?" when I have maybe a sentence or less of the lyrics and a minimal grasp on the music and will expect Hubs or one of my BFFs (Son's godmother) to know what the hell I am talking about.

6.  I am spiritual but do not consider myself religious.

7.  I have deodorant/anti-perspirant in various places in the house because I can never remember if I've put it on.

8.  I hate using any form of instant messaging.

9.  When I get bill collectors calling for people who previously had my phone number, I look the name of the person up on Canada411.com and tell them that the person's new number is ___________.

10. I like to eat dessert before supper, but Hubs usually guilts me into waiting.

11. I hate amusement park and carnival rides.  A ferris wheel can make me vomit.

12. I like graveyards.  I find them peaceful.  Even when I was in grade school, I enjoyed going to graveyards.

13. I like to groove to music, even if it's just in my own living room.

Blog hop

Day 110 - hit my Nov 11th goal today!

weight: 239.0 lbs

Am frustrated because when I came home from boot camp last night, Hubs was on the computer dealing with a trojan virus thing.

And Hubs was using my "side" of the computer, not his.

So I ran anti-virus and such on my side but the damn virus wouldn't let me deal with it.

As I type now, I am logged in on Hubs "side" of the computer and it seems to be fine so far.

But I am seriously fucking irritated!

Monday, November 8, 2010

Blog Hop & I puked at Boot Camp

So yeah, I puked at boot camp tonight.

Felt bad and embarrassed but Michelle said that meant I was really working hard.

Had the modifications to the moves and I got some knees protection.

Day 109 - post # 5 for today thus far...

Wow, I'm posty today!

Weight: 239.2 lbs

So now, since I can round down to 239 lbs Hubs REALLY thinks I should count this as reaching my Nov 11th goal of being 239 lbs.


P.S. I am still having problems with my weight loss ticker - it wouldn't register my update unless I changed the size of the damn thing!

Suggestions for other free tickers would be appreciated.  Thanks!

I tried this one but it won't let me enter the .2

LilySlim Weight loss tickers

And this one (but the site recommends diet pill usage -- which I don't recommend doing at all!):

Why isn't there an Adult Fitness Tax Credit???

This is something I was discussing with Hubs last night...

Here in Ontario, Canada - there is a Child Fitness Tax Credit that was designed to help parents get their children more active and healthy without breaking the bank, so to speak.

Well, with the rise in obesity I can't help but wonder WHY there is not a similar tax credit for adults?

Think about it, if we could claim even a portion of the funds we spend on gym memberships or boot camps or personal trainers or home equipment etc... don't you think more people would be getting active and healthier?

For us, we are currently living on employment insurance since Hubs lost his job a month after I gave birth to Baby Girl.

With my panic and anxiety issues, before I got pregnant, I was only working PT for a max of 4 hrs a week outside of our home because otherwise I would hardly leave the house.

I feel and I hope that getting healthier physically will (or is) helping me somewhat mentally but my primary focus right now is tied between getting healthy and taking care of my kids.

That leaves Hubs a little lonely, but he's supportive.

The money that I am spending to help me get healthier is, as I said in a previous post, is thanks to MasterCard.

Does this worry me? - YES.

Do I think that many people stagnant in a state of hopeless and apathy because they feel they cannot afford to get healthier? - YES.

Do I think that depression, panic, anxiety and other disorders contribute to poor physical health? - YES.

Do I think that preventative medicine and assistance would greatly improve Canada's health care system for the better? - YES.

So why in the hell doesn't the government DO something about it?

I decided to google an adult fitness tax credit and see if anything came up.

Guess what?

The first link that came up is for a site that won't work and is asking me for a login: http://www.adultfitnesstaxcredit.ca/

I read this about Manitoba:

Manitoba’s Fitness Tax Credit

Manitoba’s Child Fitness Tax Credit currently applies to children up to and including age 15. Starting in 2011, Manitoba’s Fitness Tax Credit will allow claims for fitness activities by young adults aged 16 through 24. The cost of eligible fitness activities up to $500, as defined under the federal legislation, can be claimed by the young adult, or by a spouse or parent. This will provide an annual non-refundable benefit of up to $54 per youth. Young adults with a disability, on whose behalf at least $100 is spent for qualifying fitness activities, will be eligible for an additional $54 credit for a maximum credit of $108 – mirroring the treatment of children with a disability. The credits reduce Manitoba income tax otherwise payable in the tax year.

I read that Nova Scotia has changed their Healthy Living Tax Credit to include adults http://www.canadataxcredit.ca/health-tax-credit-healthy-living-tax-incentive and here's what it says:

"Health Tax Credit (also known as Healthy Living Tax Incentive) is a tax credit of up to $500 per child. It is intended to help with the cost of registering children and youth in sport or recreation activities that offer health benefits.

Young people aged 17 and under who are registered in an approved organized sport, physical recreation, or physical activity program qualify for the tax credit.

However, as part of the newly expanded program for 2010, the Health Tax Credit or Healthy Living Tax Incentive will be extended to include all ages, encouraging adults and children to participate in a healthier lifestyle through fitness.

Adults and children enrolling with an eligible sport and recreation organization in 2010 must keep registration tax receipts to claim the health tax credit on their 2010 tax return. Only receipts from those sport and recreation groups who have registered with the Department of Health Promotion and Protection are eligible.

Receipts for health tax credit submitted with your 2010 taxes must be dated on or after January 1, 2010 for an adult to benefit from the newly expanded program and receive the credit.

Parents can still submit receipts for their children for the tax year

Please note that This is a tax credit not a tax rebate. A tax credit is a reduction against income tax. A person who claims the maximum of $500.00 can expect a tax reduction of $43.95. This amount will be deducted from your provincial income tax, much the same way your charitable donations are deducted."

And why is Ontario resting on its ample laurels and not following Manitoba's or Novia Scotia's good examples?

A Monday Moment of Laughter

Sometimes things really amuse me... here are some pictures I've taken of things that make me laugh.

You'd think this would have been made in CANADA...

Answer the questions Blog Hop

1.  What is your favorite kind of pie?
My late Mom's Bartlett Pear pie or an oh so bad for me pecan pie from the Stone Crock.

2.  Have you ever ran out of gas in the car you were driving?
No, because I am SUPER paranoid about that.
3.  How many languages do you speak?
Just English.

4.  Do you take daily vitamins?
I take Vitamin D, a B12 sublingual and my Omega oil (yuck!)

5.  What is your worst eating habit?
I *HATE* eating in the morning and it is still a struggle for me to get ANYTHING into my stomach before 11 a.m. no matter what time I get up.


Getting ready to walk Son to school

Not as cold this a.m. so I am going to walk Son to school with 1G1D1Y and the kids in her care (including her own kids).

Very tired from staying up late and watching "Remember Me" last night.

Even being unspoiled re: the ending - I pegged what was going to happen beforehand.

Sometimes I hate that - this was one of those times.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

comment I made on Miss Holly's blog

I don't know why, but sometimes I feel like I express myself better making comments on the blogs of others than I do in my own posts.

This is the reply I made to a post I just read from the Good Golly Miss Holly blog, and my answer was specifically geared towards the statement, "There are so many accidental addicts out there, all seeking solace in calories. How does one break the addiction?"

This was my reply:

"For me it has really been logging everything I eat (even the stuff I'm ashamed of) and trying to make conscious food choices rather than just eating my feelings.

Nov 2nd was the 6th anniversary of my Mom's death and it's the FIRST time I didn't pig out and have an emotional meltdown.

As I've been logging my food choices, I've found my cravings have been easier to deal with and I am measuring and weighing what I eat and have started to re-train my body to realize what proper portion sizes are."

And it's true.

Re-training both my eyes and my stomach has been a challenge to say the least but it seems to be getting easier.

9 times out of 10 I can cut a 30 g portion of cheese, I still weigh it every time but I am getting better at doing it by eye.

When I do buy chocolate, I am consuming it in moderation. In the past, I would eat 1 or 2 chocolate bars in a sitting and later have a half of a big bag of chips.

I would eat an entire package of Cheese Nips instead of having lunch or I'd polish it off as a later in the day snack.

But I am really working on acknowledging my feelings instead of trying to squelch them with food.

Re-structured my goals display on the blog

I decided to split them up so I have my achieved goals in one section and then the goals that are in-progress underneath.

I think it looks better -what do you think?

Day 108 - issues with my weight loss ticker

weight:  239.6  <-- my Nov 11th goal is to be at 239 -- hubs thinks that I should count this, but hopefully I will be at least 239 even by the 11th (or lower)

Tried to update the ticker but it's not working.

Time change happened last night and I feel off today, even though we are gained an hour.

Heading out to Shoppers in a bit - we're out of adult Tylenol and infant's Tylenol.

No breakfast yet, just a glass of orange juice.

No idea what I might write about today - hence the choppiness of this post.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

My 3rd post of the day and it's not even noon!

I saw a family member yesterday who I haven't seen since August (when I was 25 lbs heavier).

She mentioned that I look thinner in the face and the body.

It was nice to hear.

Hubs and I were talking the other day because it seems as if my double chin is almost completely GONE.  And that makes me very, very happy!

My weight loss is stagnating at the moment.  I need to stop injuring myself at boot camp because then it also means that I am not completing 30 mins of cardio a day either.

Later today or tomorrow I need to get a Pilates mat (for when I am doing floor work at home since we don't have carpeting), flexible knee protection and maybe a tensor bandage for the spot on my left thigh I keep injuring.


I sent Hubs out to the Farmer's Market this morning because we've eaten a lot of crap in the past week.  Having to be home for some repairs equaled not doing normal grocery shopping which lead to some shitty eating (especially yesterday when we were out and about all day).

I really need to get off the com and make a breakfast smoothie...

Great post by one of my BFFs

1G1D1Y and I have been friends since we were with our 1st husbands.  She helped me move my things out when I left Husband 1.0 (Thanks to

She wrote a great post today about Starbucks

Let me tell you, I would have 1 or 2 non-fat chocolate banana smoothies (with 2 tsp of cinnamon blended in) per day.  I only stopped drinking them recently.

So now I can't help but wonder where I might be on my weight loss journey if I had skipped them.

I've been tagged again

I noticed today that I was tagged by Stacey.

Remember, this is how it works:  I have to answer the 4 questions that Stacey gave me and then I ask 4 different questions to 4 other people. However; I am not going to tag anyone - instead, answer the questions if you so choose.

1. Do you have a plan to reward yourself along your weight loss journey and if so what are your rewards along the way?

I actually do not have a reward plan - though I have had to spend money on some exercise clothes and supplies.  This does not mean I do not reserve the right to change my mind and reward myself down the road though!

2. What would you say is your greatest achievement in life and your greatest failure?

Greatest achievement is easily my kids.  Ever since I was a child, I wanted to be a Mom.
My greatest failure is the fact that I am a victim of fear and it holds me back from other things (the big dream is to finish ANYTHING fictional that I start writing and get it published but I haven't gotten to a place of courage yet.)

3. Is there anything you'd like to change about yourself other than your weight?

I hate my teeth.  My parents couldn't afford braces when I was a kid so they went the retainer route and I still have quite the overbite and despite my brushing, my teeth are always kind of yellowy even though I don't smoke and don't drink coffee.

4. If you had to dye your hair a wild color (not blonde, brown, auburn, etc) such as pink, blue, green, etc, what color would you pick to show the world who you are inside?

Always purple.  I love having purple hair!  The top pic is from Aug 2005 and the second is from Nov 2005 (because the fade out colour of the F/X dye is also awesome)

New Questions for those who want to answer some.

1.  If you could change one thing about the country you live in, what would it be?
2.  If you could choose what time you lived in for your teen years, what years would they be and why?
3.  Tell me a secret.
4.  What TV show do you wish had NEVER been aired?

Friday, November 5, 2010

Who I am doing this for... PIC POST

I am doing this for myself.

I am doing this for my daughter.

I am doing this for my son.

I am doing this for my step-daughter. 

I am doing this for Hubs.

I am doing this to improve the quality of my life, my health, my heart, my mind, my soul...

Just realized something

I have lost just over 45 lbs since I got home from having Baby Girl!  (Though I am only tracking my weight loss on my ticker since July 23rd).

That's really freakin' AWESOME!

I think she looks like she's proud of me, too!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

cross-posted from my other blog

So last night Hubs, myself and two of our friends went together to see Kevin Smith perform.  My sister was also there but she had a better seat even though she bought her ticket that very day.

I took a picture of her with a Kevin Smith lookalike (though he was much shorter than Kevin).

Now, I adore Kevin Smith, and have done so since I first saw "Clerks."

I own all 3 of the Evening with Kevin Smith DVDs.  So I went into last night with high hopes and he did NOT disappoint me!

I actually laughed so much last night that I had pain at the end of my jaw today.

He was engaging, intelligent and far more reflective and introspective in this live performance than in the Evening DVDs I've watched.

It really felt like he was tuned into the universe and was "where the puck is going to be" as opposed to "where the puck was" as he was saying during the show last night.

He spoke quite a bit about Walter Gretzky, and all he'd done for his son, Wayne and I teared up.  And I am a Canadian who does NOT like hockey.

He also got me when he was talking about the late, great, amazing and irreplaceable George Carlin.

One of the coolest moments was when he mentioned loving Hal Hartley's brilliant movie, "Trust" (my VHS copy of it was misappropriated by the ex-cousin-in-law of my ex and it still hasn't been released for R1 on DVD yet).

He also did a bit where he said, "I want my two dollars!" which I took as a total shout-out to a movie I love called, "Better Off Dead."

All in all, I think he seemed more mature and he seemed to fall into the self-depreciation out of force of habit rather than actually still feeling that way.  I think he has a good handle on who he is now and he accepts and loves himself more than he seemed to in the past.

Of course, I really love to read into things so I could just be nuts - who knows?

Kevin spoke for almost 4 hours.

A handful of people got to ask questions (though the questions weren't that good, people were asking more than one and a bunch of people were whoring out their bdays -- I wish Hubs and I could have since the tickets were our bday presents to ourselves).

A FB friend of mine was actually in line to ask a question behind the last questioner (who did all the questions from "Inside the Actor's Studio") so she was really disappointed and pissed off.

I had a fantastic time and 1G1D1Y was babysitting Baby Girl for me whilst Son was with R.'s boys.  Of course, we hadn't realized we would be out so late so today 1G1D1Y tweeted Kevin Smith... and gave him hell for running late and he responded.

But I can't post it since it links closer to my IRL identity - but it was cool!

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

I survived yesterday - Non-scale victories...

My toast to my late Mom was a 1/3 cup of Pepsi (not a whole can like it would have been in the past).

I managed to walk to Son's school and back to pick him up after school, even with the pain in my leg.

Did some more exercising using Baby Girl as a weight.

And I did not let myself overeat to deal with my emotions.

I've been tagged

"The Fat Mom" tagged me in her blog post so here are my answers...

I have to answer the 4 questions that "The Fat Mom" gave me and then I ask 4 different questions to 4 other people.

1. If you had a penis for one day, what would you do?
I think I require more information for this question, if I was exactly as I am and had a penis for the day, I suppose I would masturbate. If I was a man - I'd have sex with a woman.

2. What would your pornstar/stripper name be and why?

Misty Midnight because I'd be a goth stripper.

3. If you would never get caught, what illegal activity would you participate in?

I would excessively speed EVERYWHERE!

4. If you could change a part of your past, what would it be?

This one is easy, I would change my filters of self-perception and maybe I wouldn't have had these struggles with weight.

I will tag:

Ellen aka fatgirlwearingthin
Sandy from Getting Fit and Loving It
Teena in Toronto

Your questions (should you choose to accept them) are:

1. If you could wear any colour from the rainbow, what colour would it be and what would it feel like?

2. What do you feel is the best part of your personality?

3. If someone made a movie about your life, how would you classify it (comedy, drama, horror, etc...?)

4. What was your favourite childhood toy?

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Day 103

Now on to my more regular posting.

Weight: 240.8 lbs

I attended boot camp last night and it seems evident that I will have to do modifications on some of the exercises.

There are only 2 of us in the class who are over 200 lbs and there are some things that, with how our fat is individually distributed, we cannot do as shown.

As well, I definitely need to get supports for my knees (but the knee braces at Shoppers Drug Mart were all too small as I need it to accommodate 25 inches width above my knees and 20 inches width below them.

(Yes, most of my excess lies from my knees to my belly button).

And I hurt my left leg in the same spot as I hurt myself last time except this time it felt more like a balloon popping and then someone stabbing me in that area.

Had to stop for an ice pack on the way home and then soaked in a tub of eucalyptus scented Epsom salts.

1G1D1Y has given me her scale for the moment to have a break from the addiction to the numbers since that can be an unhealthy fixation, especially when they aren't changing as much as one would like to see.

Yesterday afternoon I was practicing sit-ups while playing on the floor with Baby Girl and BG seemed to find it amusing.

I also lifted BG into the air and down again while I was on the floor for 12 reps.

Yes, Mommies of the world -- babies enjoy being used as weights!

It's a Pepsi day

I always toast in my Mom's memory on her birthday, on Mother's Day and on the anniversary of her death.

It was a Tuesday, like today, and I had spent the night at her bedside. Two of my siblings were staying at the hospital that night as well, because we had known the end was near since just before Halloween.

Her body was shutting down and had been ravaged by cancer.

The night before, she'd eaten a large supper (more than she had in a month) and eagerly consumed her favourite pop, Pepsi.

The last words my mother spoke, that could be understood were, "I'll never say no to a Pepsi."

It was hard for everyone.

I often think it was hardest on me because, as the much younger and adopted child - I only had 32 years with my Mom (and a mere 20 with my Dad) but I had my parents when they were older and mellower.

The parents I had were not quite the same as they were for my much older siblings so there was a disparity there, in sharing memories, because the images of our Mom came together in some circumstances but were quite different in others.

Son wasn't even 3 yet when she passed. But she adored him.

So I have a can of Pepsi in my fridge, and when Son gets home from school - Hubs and I will pour the can into three glasses (Son's will have the least since I rarely give him pop) and we will have a toast to my mother's memory.

I wish she could have met Hubs.

I know she would be over the moon about how Son is growing up and she'd be so tickled about Baby Girl...

She wasn't a very emotional person or an affectionate one with us kids but her grandchildren always got the best of who she was and who she could have been.

And I miss her.

She would be shocked that I've been going to boot camp. And she'd be pleased that I've been losing weight but she'd tell me to be cautious and to not get my hopes up and to not be too ambitious about getting in shape.

But my journey is not for my late Mom - it's for me, it's for my kids, it's for Hubs it's for my LIFE.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Boot Camp again tonight and I'm feeling a little scared

My knees and upper legs were killing me for days.

Today is the first day since Wednesday where I could get off a chair without feeling pain between my knee and hips.

I just googled it and the part of my legs that hurt SO MUCH is:

Rectus Femoris
The Rectus Femoris is the muscle between Vastus Medialis and Vastus Lateralis. Its function is to help extend the knee, but the rectus femoris also acts as a hip flexor. Hip flexor => When you lift the knee in front of your stomach.

As well, the tops of my knees are still hurting. Am wondering if I should pick up some of those knee pads or athletic knee cuff things.