Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Concerned about Step-Daughter

OK so I think I've told you that Step-Daughter resides with her mother a min 2.5 hour drive (one way) from where we live.

Well, at our home, we are very concerned re: Step-Daughter's health.  She will be 11 next year.  She is about 5 ft 1" tall and when she was here this past weekend she did two things.

While I was giving Baby Girl a bath, she stepped on the bathroom scale and asked Hubs to see how much she weighed.

129.6 lbs

Earlier in the day, she found my soft tape measure and was playing with it (and now I can't find it - but that's another story) and she measured some furniture, tried to measure the cat's tail, and she tried to measure herself and then asked for help.

She wanted to know how big her waist was.  It was 37 inches.

Hubs' waist is 36 inches.  Mine is down to 43 inches.

When we had Step-Daughter for 4 weeks this summer (2 in July and 2 in August) and during her last week (before she broke a bone in her foot), she had lost some weight and was down to 124. something.

Now she can't fit into the jean jacket she was given for her birthday and can't do up the jeans that she wore ON her birthday.

The first time we had Step-Daughter in October, she was up 2 lbs from her summer weight and now she's up 3 lbs from October.

And last night when Hubs was talking to MOSD (mother of step-daughter) it came up that Step-Daughter has been "stealing" food at her mother's house again.

This has happened here in the past and at her mother's and even at Step-Daughter's school in the past.

Now, MOSD is a large woman.  Shorter and much heavier than I am, plus she is a type 2 diabetic.

Step-daughter's family DR only says that step-daughter needs to eat a healthier diet and get more exercise.

I think her family DR (like many family DRs do) -- sucks!

We try and feed her healthier meals here since that fits in with my journey and quest for health.  And we talk about our family all getting healthier so we can do more things.

We get our kids outside (weather permitting) so we all (except Baby Girl) do some walking or other exercise

I think it's good that MOSD is at least talking to Hubs about this issue with Step-Daughter but I really don't know what she is doing about it.

Step-daughter does see a therapist - but I don't know if this issue has come up there.  I am going to suggest to Hubs that he suggest to MOSD that it be discussed there.

It's just frustrating.

I just hope that whenever Step-Daughter is here, she sees how much better our whole family life is because we are getting healthier and that she tries to apply that at her mother's house.


  1. Reading this is so sad.. The fact that she picked up the tape and (eventually) tried to measure her waist shows ya that she is picking up on others doing (or saying.. eek!) things..

    I hope the MOSD realizes that her life isn't something she wants her daughter to have, and will ask for some advice on healthy living..

    Btw, just a little blurb on the therapist, what 11 yr old is supposed to need a therapist?! That sucks.. :(

  2. You are doing a great job being a role model for your step-daughter. And good for you and you husband for letting her mother know you are concerned. Beyond those two things, I don't know what more you can do... just keep up what you're doing.. and hopefully she will take some lessons away from that.

  3. It's really hard to fix a child's weight problem when the parents are not doing it. I totally agree that the therapist needs to be involved. I'm glad you and your husband are setting an example for her. It's important that she work on her weight now because in a few years it'll be that much harder for her emotionally.

    PS-if you're not happy with her family Dr, find another one. We don't all suck. :)

  4. Hey Doc :) In Ontario, Canada there is a massive shortage of DRs so once you have one (whether or not you like them or get along with them) you are, essentially, stuck with them because a new DR won't take a patient on if they already have a DR.

    Then add in that Step-Daughter lives over 2 hrs away from where we live since her primary residence is with her mother.

    That = we are screwed.

  5. Jayne;
    That doesn't seem like an unreasonable weight for her height. It's puts her at a BMI of 24.4 which falls into the normal range for an adult, but I haven't done much research on what it should be for kids.

    What concerns me is that she's clearly concerned about her body - weighing, measuring, and sneaking foods can't be too healthy at that age. It doesn't sound like a very good example is being set for her at "home" either.

    Continuing to educate her about healthy choices and nutrition/movement can only have positive outcomes. Support her as much as you can. Being a tween is hard work. I feel for her (and you!).

    Hang in there!

  6. It puts her in the 95th percentile for a child which is considered "overweight."

    I am guessing at her exact height. I did a child's BMI calculator --

    putting her at 5 ft even (since my 5 ft 1" is a guesstimate).

    It says that "a 10 year and 8 months old (female) child who is 129 pounds and is 5 feet tall has a body mass index of 25.2, which is over the 95th percentile, and would indicate that your child is overweight.

    Your child's ideal body weight would be at a BMI at the 85th percentile or below, and so would be about 105 pounds."

    It goes on to say, "That doesn't necessarily mean that your child has to lose 24 pounds. As he gets older and taller, he may thin out some and therefore just need to stop gaining weight, gain weight more slowly or lose some of that weight. Talk to your Pediatrician for more help interpreting these results."

  7. It's sad that she is concerned about her body image and weight at such a young age. You and your family are being good role models, but if her mother isn't doing anything on a regular basis then it won't change. A talk with the theapist may be in order.

    My step son is in a similar situation. Thankfully, he lives with us but he has been declared obese for a 6 year old. His mom refuses to cook and will feed him McDonald's for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. He likes to brag that he can eat an entire pizza by himself because his mom will allow it. During the summer he gained almost 20 pounds. It's sad.

    I hope your step daughter gets some help!

  8. She's probably eating to feed a hurt. That's one of the reasons I eat.