Tuesday, June 14, 2011

One of those days

I'm having one of those days where I am reflecting on my past and, more specifically, my interpersonal relationships.

I was thinking about this on the weekend actually. And it all started because I was thinking about weddings.

This is a photo of my wedding party when I married Little Man's father in May 2001. I was 200 lbs which was, at that point in my life, the highest weight I had ever been as I had gained 40 lbs shortly after trying Depo-Provera for birth control.

Now, Husband V1.0 and I are quite obviously a thing of the past. The Maid of Honour was my oldest niece and the Best Man was HV1.0's brother.

Rounding out the bridal party on my side were my ex-best friend (the one who has since been diagnosed bi-polar and has been arrested multiple times for assaulting his on-again-off-again gf/common-law wife as well as assaulting and threatening his own mother and one of my (then) inner circle friends who was also an ex-lover of mine. He and I have not been close pretty much since he became very gung-ho for Primerica.

On HV1.0's side were the (then) fiancee of my ex-best friend (she's been happily married for a few yrs to someone else and is a great Mom as well) and the ex-gf of my Primerica zombified friend (they broke up shortly before the wedding) and she is also quite happily married now to someone else and is working on babies 2 and 3 :>

So it's like the wedding party of failed relationships.

But most of us are much happier now.

  • Hubs and I have been together since 2007
  • Hv1.0 has been with his fiancee since 2006
  • My niece and her hubby (who was her date at the wedding and fairly recent bf at that time) have 2 great kids with 1 on the way in July
  • The gorgeous curly-haired one & her hubby (1st bf after my crazy ex-best friend) have a beautiful child
  • The equally gorgeous, long-haired one & her hubby, like I mentioned have one lovely child with twins on the way
3 of the members of the wedding party do not seem (from my outsider's perspective) as happy

  • ex-BIL has had an on-again-off-again relationship with his wife with whom he has 2 adorable children
  • ex-best friend has had some stints in jail, some time (possibly currently for all I know) on probation and some time in the care of mental health professionals (with armed guards according to his mother) and has had sporadic contact with his gorgeous child
  • Primerica drone, last I heard, was still single (after many years) and had driven away a number of his other former close friends for a variety of reasons and was having other life difficulties
So what did I learn from this?

Sometimes relationships HAVE to end to get us to a new point, direction, person, SOMETHING in our lives.

Do I mourn my relationship with HV1.0 -- NOPE!

But I do miss the relationship I had with my ex-best friend.  He was there for me so much when Hv1.0 and I split up.

Were there ever any warning signs about him??  YES.  He had a bad temper and once he really verbally abused the gf he had when I first became friends with him.  S-girl and I called him out on it and he was very apologetic.

He had mood swings... very social/hyper and very introverted/depressed -- but we figured it was because of his artistic nature.

Once he got mad at his (then) fiancee and he punched her in the stomach after she'd playfully poked him in the gut.  Hv1.0 and I laid into him about it.  He blamed the instant response as his military training coming out and insisted it was because she'd hurt him first.

Once they split up -- I didn't see that behaviour.  Though he once got into a fight at a PIzza Pizza with a guy the girl he was sleeping with used to date.

Then he ended up getting obsessed with this girl that I just did not like.  She was a vortex of bad vibes and was a self-admitted drug user.  She was also big on "play-fighting" and she'd instigate and instigate and then cry foul when my friend would retaliate. 

At that point, he'd let her do a lot before he's respond.

But the two of them together were just so bad for one another on so many levels.  There was violence and drugs and a hell of a lot of lying.

I have no idea what status their dysfunctional relationship is at now and I don't care.

I do miss the friend that I thought I had.

But I do wonder if he ever really existed or if he just destroyed that part of himself with all his harmful choices?

I know that many people would look at my life... at our financial/employment-related difficulties, at my weight and mental health issues, at Hubs issues with depression and (possibly) Adult ADHD, and with Little Man having autism and Rhyme Girl having ADHD and say - hey it sucks to be them.

To that I say... I have close relationships with people that I love and who love me in return.  Overall, I am happy.

And I think that means a LOT!

Now - after all this -- let me end on a high note...

Super-cute pic I snapped of Baby Girl yesterday:


  1. I have had these moments of reflection in my life before and you are right, sometimes...you HAVE to push away the toxic. It's truly only when you are far removed that you can see EXACTLY how toxic it is! Look at how much better off you are...

  2. Dysfunction and Relationship should never get together.

  3. As much trouble as she was... after what I went through I am surprised to see you blame one of the victims in this situation.

    I'm not saying he isn't equally a victim of her temper, but there is absolutely no justification for the stuff he did to her.

    I don't care what she did... his job was to walk away, not to throw her against walls and beat the snot out of her in front of a toddler. period.

    any violence = no excuse, no reason

  4. There is no excuse for what he did OR what she did.

    The first time she called and told me he'd given her a black eye - despite the fact that she and I we not close - I told her to leave and when he called -- I took her side and I gave him hell.

    But I am going to say this -- they were BOTH victims and they were BOTH abusers.

    I blame both of them for the things that happened and they things they did and the things they caused.

    Though she already had a history of drugs and hitting her boyfriends (causing a bloody or a broken nose with one) years before they got together.

    You know that the two of them brought out (and probably still bring out) the absolute worse in one another.

    Whenever I hear about an assault or a murder - my first thought is always wondering if it's going to be them.

    As horrible as it is, I still think their relationship will eventually end up in a murder-suicide scenario and I have no idea which one will end up in which role.

    I certainly hope that does NOT occur but it's what I feel in my gut.

  5. I'm with you on the tragic outcome. I hope for the sake of little m they stay the hell away from each other.