Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Confessions of an almost 39-year-old slacker

It's hard for me to commit to things.  I'm easily distracted and I tend to hide out rather than fight when it comes to things in my own life - because I'd rather stand up for someone else before I stand up for myself.

There are a lot of things going on in my head - some stress related to my life and some related to the lives of those I love.

I know that's natural but it's still hard to deal with.  I am hoping that Hubs continues to enjoy and do well at the new job (it's been a week and a bit now) so that we will eventually qualify for benefits because I am thinking it would be good and healthy for me to get back into therapy.

As of now, I am not sure what coverage we'll have  but I believe it's psychologists only that are covered (Hubs borrowed another employee's handbook to peruse for a day because he hasn't received the info on benefits yet).

I've been considering Cognitive Behavioural Therapy - but I'll have to see if I can find someone that our benefits will cover, when that time comes.

This wk I've really made an effort to re-motivate myself and get back on track.

BUT even though I will not hit my 178 lb goal by my 1 year date of July 23rd, I can still make a dent in this and start getting the scale to work with me in the direction that I want.

I drop off the heart monitor on July 4th and I meet with the cardiologist again on July 12th and hopefully they will put my fears to rest so I can get back to the activity level I was doing before without worrying that I'm going drop dead.

Another thought I had was that I think my general life stress was making the chest pain and breathing issues worse because even when the monitor has gone off, it hasn't been as intense as it was before and the only real change since then is that Hubs started his job.

time is wonky re: receiving a phone call

my "getting serious" expression

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