Thursday, January 26, 2012

2nd therapy appointment yesterday

So I had my 2nd session yesterday.

She said that we will start doing something called EMDR in a few more sessions.  Before my next appointment (in 2 weeks) I have to work on a timeline for her of positive and negative events in my life that I remember.

That may well be challenging because, frankly, most of my memories are negative as those are the ones that stick whereas the happy ones are harder to hold onto.

Yesterday I described the fact that, to me, happiness is transient whereas, in my ideal world, it would be a constant.

I think there were a number of emotional factors and stressors related to my unfortunate re-gain.

The counselor that I meet with told me yesterday that it is not her job to diagnose me or prescribe anything, it's her job to help me accept what has happened in the past and release all the negativity and fear that I hang on to.

Though she did suggest that I talk to my family DR about medication.

I'm still thinking about that.

If anyone reading has some experience with anti-depressant and/or anti-anxiety medication, feel free to comment or to message me privately.

weight:  247.6 lbs

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

a few pics


So, just had a fight with Hubs re: my anxiety/panic/PTSD -- he doesn't understand it and I try not to make a big issue of it all. But, I've been struggling with it lately.

I have my second therapy appointment tomorrow... am feeling pretty keyed up about it.  I debated back and forth and back and forth on whether or not to write about it here and, as you can see, I did NOT detail the session.

I still find myself feeling somewhat "raw" from it in ways.  Even though, overall, I think it went well but I have been having more times where I feel really disconnected as well as times where I am really emotional.

I suppose it's all part of the process.

In other news, I've made a new friend and her son and Little Man get along EXTREMELY well and that's really nice for both of them.

My appointment with Little Man's school was re-scheduled due to poor driving conditions re: my support coordinator from DSRC so hopefully the weather cooperates on Thursday which is also the day back in 2007 that Hubs and I really connected and started talking.

Have been working on saving money on groceries thanks to H's advice and Walmart's price matching policies.

Budgeting on a low income is a must - but is still challenging.

Am hoping to swing a discounted Y membership into February's budget so I have something to do to help re-motivate me.

Right now my one motivation is, apparently, house-organization.  It's a slow, arduous process but worthwhile if we can actually get this place all sorted out.

Baby Girl is 22 months old today.  I'll have to log in with one of my other email addys so that I can add a photo of her.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Happy New Year!

Well hello 2012.

I hope everyone is doing well.

I *finally* have my therapy appt on Friday (the therapist called in Dec and said she had to re-schedule) so I am excited and nervous and apprehensive all at the same time.

Xmas was alright - though we have one more to do on Sunday the 8th and then we will actually be done.

Still a battle with moodiness around my household.  Some days it seems like we are all out of sorts and other days it might only be one or two of us.

But we are alive and we haven't given up!