Went out with the girls this a.m.

Was out with 1G1D1Y and her bff, M. this morning and we had a meal at Cora's.

Of course now I am at a loss on how to record my food intake in my food diary.

Grr Arrgh!

I had 1 half glass of water there and 250 ml earlier at home.

I had 1 glass of a fruit cocktail juice made of orange, mango, papaya, raspberry and spinach.

And I had a crepemelette - it was a ham and swiss cheese crepe with added spinach.

I did ask for a breakdown and it was 5 slices of swiss cheese (but the slices were triangles so it's like 2 and 1/2 "normal" sized slices) and 4 similar width slices of ham plus a handful of spinach with 1/4 cup of crepe batter.

The crepe was like the size of one of the spinach wraps I buy but very thin (as crepes are known to be).

Not a clue what to put in my food diary though.

*sigh*

Am putting the fruit cocktail in my food diary as orange juice.

comment I made on Miss Holly's blog

I don't know why, but sometimes I feel like I express myself better making comments on the blogs of others than I do in my own posts.

This is the reply I made to a post I just read from the Good Golly Miss Holly blog, and my answer was specifically geared towards the statement, "There are so many accidental addicts out there, all seeking solace in calories. How does one break the addiction?"

This was my reply:

"For me it has really been logging everything I eat (even the stuff I'm ashamed of) and trying to make conscious food choices rather than just eating my feelings.


Nov 2nd was the 6th anniversary of my Mom's death and it's the FIRST time I didn't pig out and have an emotional meltdown.


As I've been logging my food choices, I've found my cravings have been easier to deal with and I am measuring and weighing what I eat and have started to re-train my body to realize what proper portion sizes are."

And it's true.

Re-training both my eyes and my stomach has been a challenge to say the least but it seems to be getting easier.

9 times out of 10 I can cut a 30 g portion of cheese, I still weigh it every time but I am getting better at doing it by eye.

When I do buy chocolate, I am consuming it in moderation. In the past, I would eat 1 or 2 chocolate bars in a sitting and later have a half of a big bag of chips.

I would eat an entire package of Cheese Nips instead of having lunch or I'd polish it off as a later in the day snack.

But I am really working on acknowledging my feelings instead of trying to squelch them with food.

My 3rd post of the day and it's not even noon!

I saw a family member yesterday who I haven't seen since August (when I was 25 lbs heavier).

She mentioned that I look thinner in the face and the body.

It was nice to hear.

Hubs and I were talking the other day because it seems as if my double chin is almost completely GONE.  And that makes me very, very happy!

My weight loss is stagnating at the moment.  I need to stop injuring myself at boot camp because then it also means that I am not completing 30 mins of cardio a day either.

Later today or tomorrow I need to get a Pilates mat (for when I am doing floor work at home since we don't have carpeting), flexible knee protection and maybe a tensor bandage for the spot on my left thigh I keep injuring.

*sigh*

I sent Hubs out to the Farmer's Market this morning because we've eaten a lot of crap in the past week.  Having to be home for some repairs equaled not doing normal grocery shopping which lead to some shitty eating (especially yesterday when we were out and about all day).

I really need to get off the com and make a breakfast smoothie...

Happy Halloween!

I ate some junk but I did so in moderation.

In the past I'd eat an entire package of those tiny little chocolate bars/treats.

I can't remember if I've talked about goal clothing before but I am leery of buying anything to be "goal clothes" but I did find an old pair of size 14 jeans packed away.

At the moment, I can get them just past my knees and that's it. But I was wearing them in 06 or 07 and I shall do so again.

Getting into them won't have me at MY GOAL but they will be part of getting me to my goal so I guess that should count!

New shake combo

Good day!

Weight:  242.2 lbs

So I don't tend to think I get enough protein so this morning's breakfast shake was made of the following items:

• 1/2 cup frozen raspberries
• 1/4 cup frozen blueberries
• 1/2 a large banana
• 1 scoop unflavoured protein powder
• 1 scoop ground flaxseed powder
• 1 tsp benefiber
• 2 tsp cinnamon
• 1/2 cup tropicana pure no pulp orange juice w/ added vitamin A & D
• 1/2 cup unsweetened Blue Diamond chocolate almond milk
• 1/4 cup organic vanilla yogurt
• 1/2 cup chopped spinach

I don't find shakes as tasty when I add the spinach but I do have to be more diligent with getting some veggies in.

I got my blood work results back from the DR.

my tsh was 2.04
my glucose random was 3.9
my ferritin was 17

Of course I don't know what it all means so I googled things.

The TSH # is normal,  but I read that one can still have thyroid problems when the TSH # is normal and that a T3 and T4 test are required to be certain.

My glucose random # was the lowest number still considered to be "normal" though it said that a low glucose random number can indicate thyroid problems and my ferritin is low (out of the normal range) and it also says that it can be indicative of thyroid problems.

So I guess I'll see what I am advised of next.  I see my naturopath near the end of November so hopefully she'll have some good suggestions.

Avocado Chocolate Pudding

Don't think I mentioned this but we've made some before and are going to do so again.

Last time we had one avocado so it made for a small but tasty portion for all of us not still in diapers (since it has honey in it - there's no way we'd give it to Baby Girl, plus she's only starting on whole foods - avocado only so far.  Sweet potato is up next.

But the pudding was good (despite being room temperature - I should have chilled it).

My naturopath had mentioned it to me, so I googled it when I got home later that day and there are a number of different ways to make it.

Her version is the simplest:

1 avocado (ripe)
1 tbsp honey (only for babies over 1 year - use maple syrup for younger children)
1 tsp cocoa powder (or to taste)

Mix and serve.

Here are a few of the versions I've found online:

Version 1:

1 avocado, diced

¼ c raw agave nectar, or more to taste

¼ c cocoa powder

¼ c water

2 t vanilla extract

¼ t sea salt

Version 2
* 1 or 2 ripe, soft avocados (3/4 to 1 avocado per person)
* A few spoonfuls of raw cacao powder
* A few spoonfuls of natural sweetener (honey, agave nectar, or maple syrup)
*A dash of salt and a squeeze of lemon or lime juice
*A dash of cinnamon, to taste

Version 3
2 medium avocados
1/3 cup maple syrup, honey or agave (or to taste)
1 tsp vanilla extract
1/3 cup cacao powder
1/3 cup water or coconut water

I'm tired and the day just started

Getting ready to go to the Market.

Natural food, no pesticides, no growth hormones.

BTW, today is day 91 of making healthier choices.

Confession: I over-ate today

Yep.

Hubs & I were out tonight and we both were feeling really hungry and we got BK.

I had a plain double cheeseburger (but I threw out 1 half of the bun) and medium onion rings.

And now I am PAYING for it. My guts are KILLING ME!!!

I am gassy and bloated and I feel a little nauseous.

Pay back IS a bitch!

Still crazy around here

Feeling a little trapped in the house - no walk today or Sunday - though I had a nice one yesterday.

Also, no privacy for the elliptical of naughty noises.

weight: 268.6

Not being at home and eating out makes for bad food choices. Not sure how to combat that.

Though the other day I did have very tasty cream of potato soup with spinach, carrots and a bit of cheese and 1 tsp of bacon pieces.

Glad I resisted the craving

weight: 268.8

Almost 10 lbs down.

I ended up making a 2 egg spinach, ham & mozzarella cheese omelet last night instead of giving in to my craving (and Hubs craving) for McD's!

I'm feeling proud of myself.


But I am not celebrating too much yet, I want to see if the scale still says I am under 270 tomorrow before I rejoice.

Here's something I should not be shocked at, but I was...

Yes, I saw "Super Size Me" - I think most people did.

But I still really didn't comprehend how my McD's cravings were keeping me fat.

Check out http://www.mcdonalds.ca/en/food/calculator.aspx

from there you can launch the nutrition calculator and see what your meal adds up to.

For example, I usually got a plain double quarter-pounder with cheese, a medium order of fries, an iced tea and an apple pie.

According to the calculator that is 1550 calories!

And 1800 SODIUM content!!!!

Why am I writing about McD's? Because I really, really, REALLY want some fries.

So if I indulge - I need to ensure it's for one item and not a whole freaking meal!!!

Confessions

When I am stressed, anxious and/or depressed I have a history of doing "unhealthy" things.

In the past I used to drink a LOT. In high school, back when I would lightly cut the inside of my thighs (which I don't do anymore) or pull out my hair (which I still do) or bite my nails until I drew blood (which I still do) I also drank quite a bit of alcohol.

I used to have a bottle of Tia Maria hidden in my bedroom. I used to take shots until I felt like I could fall asleep at night.

At its worst - my insomnia allowed me 2 - 3 hrs of sleep per night.

At my worst - I was single but sleeping with 3 different guys in the same time frame and considering others.

At my worst - I drank so much that I blacked out and had to be talked off a balcony after revealing some of my deepest, darkest secrets of what I survived as a child.

At my worst - I actually tried to cultivate an eating disorder because I thought that was the only way to gain some control of my life but I hated trying to make myself throw up.



At my best - I sleep 6 -7 hrs a night.

At my best - I am faithful and committed to my romantic partner (Hubs).

At my best - I consume alcohol in moderation. 0 - 4 alcoholic beverages in a month.

At my best - I try to eat in moderation and make healthier choices without cultivating a sense of denial or a feeling of being deprived.

I've decided that fatsecret seems a better site for charting my food.
Here's a cut'n'paste of what I ate yesterday:

date: Today - 07/29/10Tomorrow - 07/30/10Yesterday - 07/28/101 week ago - 07/22/10Other...	Total Calories: 2088
This is some of what I ate This is exactly what I ate	RDI(%) Sod(mg) Fat(g) Carbs(g) Prot(g) KCals 87 2408 93.79 210.45 91.23 2088

Breakfast 11 140 5.00 48.00 18.00 270

1 serving starbucks chocolate banana 11 140 5.00 48.00 18.00 270

Add Item Choose from My Recent Breakfast Items: chocolate hazelnut spread bottled water Add Multiple Items... Or Find a Food: or New Item or Cancel + add new food: searching...

Lunch 16 913 17.85 42.88 17.68 392

1 slice lifestyle, lean, turkey breast 1 213 0.35 0.88 3.58 22

1 serving spreadable omega 3 butter with canola oil 3 75 8.00 - 0.10 70

2 servings Twelve Grain Bread 10 320 5.00 40.00 10.00 240

1 serving Velveeta cheese slice 3 300 4.50 2.00 4.00 60

1 cup Water - 5 - - - -

Add Item Choose from My Recent Lunch Items: Add Multiple Items... Or Find a Food: or New Item or Cancel + add new food: searching...

Dinner 27 744 32.93 15.30 43.20 647

2 patties Ground Beef (70% Lean / 30% Fat, Patty, Cooked, Pan-Broiled) 15 142 23.93 - 35.20 367

1 serving Rickard's Red beer 7 - - 11.30 - 160

2 servings velveeta cheese slice 5 600 9.00 4.00 8.00 120

1/2 cup water - 2 - - - -

Add Item Choose from My Recent Dinner Items: Add Multiple Items... Or Find a Food: or New Item or Cancel + add new food: searching...

Snacks / Other 32 611 38.01 104.27 12.35 779

1 serving barq's root beer 7 70 - 45.00 - 160

1 serving crispy minis ketchup flavour 4 190 3.00 14.00 1.00 90

0.67 serving milk chocolate bunny 6 20 8.71 15.41 2.01 147

1 serving skippy peanut butter 8 150 16.00 7.00 7.00 190

1 medium sugar twist doughnut 8 181 10.30 22.86 2.34 192

weight: 276.8 lbs

consumed thus far:
- Chocolate Banana Vivanno from Starbucks 270 calories
- water

Sorry I didn't post yesterday - I was busy and headachey and cranky.

Bummed

weight: 277.2

Are you fucking kidding me? I thought since I actually got a workout in I'd see something better than this?!?!?!

Consumed thus far:

1/2 cup lean, lifestyle, turkey breast
water

Been awake since 9ish.

Rough night with the little one though, was up 3x.

I'm sweating!

OK 22 minutes on the elliptical of naughty noises - maybe I should call it ENN???

Anyway, got Hubs to take the kids upstairs to watch a movie but he really seemed to be stalling. Then before he went up he was complaining about the lack of chocolate and chips in the house.

I told him to eat some baby carrots and I got bitched at.

Seriously, he needs to make up his mind to either be fully supportive of healthy lifestyle changes for the whole family and vocalize or he needs to SHUT UP!!!!!

Because whether anyone in this family likes it or not -- we've got to change our ways. And it really feels like it will be now or never.

For supper I had 1 lean hamburger patty. Meat is from the farmer's market and the patty has no filler - just beef (and garlic powder and black pepper).

Had two tsp of Diana's honey garlic sauce on it and a slice of processed Velveeta.

For snack I had 1 evil 2 bite cupcake but I didn't eat the frosting and just before my workout I had a Skippy PB sandwich.

Had 1 500 ml bottle of water during workout and half a bottle while typing this.

Now it's time for a shower!

Had a smoothie for lunch

same as the smoothie I made yesterday except I had 3 nuggets of spinach in it this time.

Have a headache, am a little cranky and I really want to eat some of that damn leftover pizza.

Think I will have ONE piece (rather than 6). Seems a fair compromise to my cravings.

Well I royally screwed myself yesterday

weight: 277.6

I blame the stress, my stress-induced eating, and actually having pizza and cupcakes in the house.

When it's here - it's hard to resist as a battle royale of my willpower vs my need to eat when I am upset -- willpower always loses.

Been awake for about an hour and a half.

Consumed thus far:

• plain cold water (not flavoured)
  
• handful of baby carrots
• 1/2 cup lean, lifestyle turkey breast on
  
• 1 piece Wonder Bread Head Start whole wheat bread with omega 3 butter
  
• 1 Velveeta processed cheese slice

I did not get on the squeaky elliptical yesterday as hubs didn't want to take the kids out and the portion of time I did leave him alone with the kids, I was disposing of items we no longer needed.

Of course the housework I was doing should've helped but 6 slices of pizza does not equal weight loss.

Confessions (from yesterday):

• 6 slices of pizza
• 3 "two bite" mini-cupcakes w/ frosting
  
• 2 cups of ice cream
• 1 grande tazo chai frappuccino blended cream w/ whipped cream & cinnamon

Checking out Calorie Count but I am not so good with logging things.

Today is a new day - let's see how it goes.

what a day

Kind of a rough day... caved and ate pizza after a blow out with hubs re: housework.

grr arrgh!

OMFG! Can I blame my kids for my weight gain?

And not just the pregnancies themselves but the fact that when my kids have a tantrum all I want to do is eating a fuckton of chocolate.

They make poor choices and then I have to discipline them. We'd all be much happier (and I bet you I'd be thinner) if they would just make good choices.

And when they are in trouble - instead of apologizing they throw even more of a fit so they get in even more trouble.

OK, drinking more water - and I ate.

Consumed:
- toasted poppyseed bagel
- small amount of omega 3 butter
- 1 processed cheese slice
- 1/2 cup lean, lifestyle, turkey breast

weight: 276.0 lbs

I built my own food guide

I built my own "food guide" via the Healthy Canada link I have on my blog. Go there, then click Canada's Food Guide and then you get to where you can make your own.

Or a quicker way do one yourself is if you click HERE.

Mine looks like this (btw, you can click on the pic to enlarge it):



So far I have had 1 bagel, 1 banana and 1 serving of lean deli meat (cooked lifestyle chicken breast) and water and 2 cups of tea.

That means before the end of the day I still need 6 servings of fruit or veggies, 4 grain servings, 2 milk servings and 1 more meat or meat alternative serving.

But meat is my favourite thing.

Did I mention this is hard?

Also, I must combat apathy and get some physical activity done today too!

So far it's been 7 trips on the stairs. Am I supposed to time them or something? And how many stairs before I should count them?

No matter - have arranged with hubs for him to take the kids out for awhile later so I can get my ass moving in PRIVACY.

I can't go to the gym because I already have issues with people seeing me, had the issues years before the weight problem began.

That also means I can't go swimming (plus I don't have a suit that properly encases "the girls") the suit I have now is a 3X but my breasts have gotten bigger (so has my stomach and my ass) and I refuse to buy a 4X suit.

Next summer I want the 3X suit to be swimming on me (yes, the pun was cheesily intended).