My 3rd post of the day and it's not even noon!

I saw a family member yesterday who I haven't seen since August (when I was 25 lbs heavier).

She mentioned that I look thinner in the face and the body.

It was nice to hear.

Hubs and I were talking the other day because it seems as if my double chin is almost completely GONE.  And that makes me very, very happy!

My weight loss is stagnating at the moment.  I need to stop injuring myself at boot camp because then it also means that I am not completing 30 mins of cardio a day either.

Later today or tomorrow I need to get a Pilates mat (for when I am doing floor work at home since we don't have carpeting), flexible knee protection and maybe a tensor bandage for the spot on my left thigh I keep injuring.

*sigh*

I sent Hubs out to the Farmer's Market this morning because we've eaten a lot of crap in the past week.  Having to be home for some repairs equaled not doing normal grocery shopping which lead to some shitty eating (especially yesterday when we were out and about all day).

I really need to get off the com and make a breakfast smoothie...

Who I am doing this for... PIC POST

I am doing this for myself.

I am doing this for my daughter.

I am doing this for my son.

I am doing this for my step-daughter. 

I am doing this for Hubs.

I am doing this to improve the quality of my life, my health, my heart, my mind, my soul...

This is interesting

Today on the scale: 251.8 lbs

Quite the drop from the weekend which leads me to wonder if I was retaining water as if it was my time of the month. Or "shark week" as one of my BFFs refers to it.

You see - I haven't had a period since I had my youngest child. Sometimes breast-feeding women can go up to a YEAR without a period. But this weekend I was has having MAD chocolate and salt cravings.

Can't recall if I've said anything here about this but I think part of the reason I can really lose weight at this point is that life is emotionally sound and secure for me these days.

A likely contributor to my weight gain was a subconscious desire to protect myself from the world. To insulate myself from pain and abuse. To create a protective barrier of fat between me and those who might be dangerous or hurtful.

Another thing was the fact that I had really, really, REALLY wanted another child but because of my weight (and other factors) it was highly unlikely to happen so I think that subconsciously I was keeping the weight on so that way I could look at it like this, "I can't even CONSIDER having a baby unless I get my weight under 200 lbs."

Instead of like this, "Hubs doesn't really want to have another baby and the DRs have made it perfectly clear that it would be dangerous for me to try to have another baby at any weight but near to impossible at this weight."

Of course, as it turns out, the DRs were incorrect and we had our lovely, surprise baby.

Which made/makes me really happy. So now I don't need to hang on to the protective fat as a way to deny my ultimate desire because I have my last baby and I am overjoyed.

My top 5 reasons for my weight loss & lifestyle change

#1 - To give myself the best chance at being here for my kids for the long haul
#2 - to be able to look at my old photos without cursing myself for putting on so much weight
#3 - to look like the ME I feel like I am meant to be
#4 - to go out dancing once in awhile and not running out of energy during one song
#5 - to set a great example for my kids so they never end up where I am now re: weight struggles

Does the force behind the motivation matter?

I am curious.

I did 32 mins on the elliptical this morning and then later this evening I did another 30 to try and balance out the "cheat" eating I did at supper while celebrating my friend's birthday.

But it was more of a feeling of guilt and shame that got me on there. It wasn't a sense of empowerment and hope like I had the other day (which i don't even think I wrote about).

So - thoughts?