Monday, March 28, 2011

Further thought on my tiff with Hubs

I mentioned it in this post this morning and then while responding to a comment on a subsequent post I made this morning... I wrote the following which I then decided could be a post in and of itself...

"I think my time with any of my girls tends to be used more productively in that we talk about emotional things, we get physical exercise and we tend to unburden ourselves in general.

Whereas when Hubs and I are home, it's hard to be motivated to accomplish even basic household chores. He's been down for awhile and I think I get sucked into his apathy when we are together and I begin to resent the fact that I feel like he's bringing me down.

So when I go out with the girls, I am blowing off steam, I am reconnecting with myself so that my relationship with Hubs doesn't blow up and it gives him more of an opportunity to try and sort out himself (even if I often feel like he just ignores and/or wallows in his frustration and negativity rather than trying to work through it or move past it to focus on the now and then dip into it to deal with it in manageable doses)."


Bottom line is - I love Hubs but it can get really, really hard living with his negativity - especially since I have been working very hard on moving away from negativity and pessimism.

It feels like I keep trying to bring him up to where I am and he keeps (subconsciously) trying to drag me back down to where he is.

I think he needs to go back to therapy - even though I didn't think much of the last person that he saw.

And I think he needs to actually start using his brain to process some of his past experiences rather than either just resenting them and blaming them for where he is (or isn't) in his life NOW.

For example - I had a certain idea, based on how I felt when I first began this blog - what this blog would be like (hence: Fat, Angry Blog) and I am now far less fat, and far less angry (and I don't think even my early posts were as angry as I thought they would be).

It's all about self-perception.

I think I love myself a lot more than I did before and I wish he would/could/WILL feel that way about himself too!


  1. As someone with a mood disorder, I can offer you this. I didn't give a rat's ass about what my mood disorder was doing to ME but when my family started talking about how it was affecting THEM I took my ample ass to the therapist then psychiatrist and started making some changes. Hopefully, with your loving nudges, he will too get some help.

  2. I hope so - the problem is the last professional he saw (a psychiatrist) didn't seem to be very helpful re: getting to the root of the issues.

    So many people seem to focus on band-aid solutions rather than true healing.

  3. Sing it sister. It took me forever to find someone I trusted. How about throwing that out to the Universe. A therapist and psych that your husband will trust and who will help him to heal.

  4. That would be fantastic... so would a job that Hubs is qualified, could enjoy, that's close to home (re: travel time) and that would pay him a decent wage.

    As long as I'm asking the universe for things for Hubs - I might as well get that important one in there too!

  5. qualified for and, of course if it has all those things - that he'd be HIRED for it! ;>

  6. Having a hubby that struggles with depression I know it can be tough. To do the work on yourself and not get wrapped up on their "stuff"