Saturday, January 8, 2011

A tough time with Hate-Loss today

So today we went to Son's Kung Fu awards/holiday party.

Before we left the house, I was feeling pretty good about myself... I thought I looked pretty and that my outfit was flattering and I didn't know if any of the parents we are close to were going to be attending (they actually did not attend) but I felt OK confidence-wise for being around people I don't know.

Well we got there and of course, there is a wall of mirrors in there which is handy during the classes but it hit me like a punch in the gut.

I have lost all this weight and I was still the heaviest woman there!!!

Seeing all the "normal-sized" woman and the really fit women and then the teen girls made me feel ashamed of myself.

Ashamed of how big I still am and how unhealthy I let myself become.

I had that moment of shame, and actually was afraid that I was going to burst into tears.


I told Hubs how I was feeling... I took a deep breath and then I remembered how I felt in that same place during the Halloween party of 2009 when I was pregnant.

I even thought about how I felt in that same place during Son's last couple of gradings.

I look SO MUCH BETTER than I did before and I reminded myself that I didn't have to compare myself to anyone else... and I reminded myself to BE PROUD of everything I've done so far.


  1. Be proud of the way you look and you have come a long way. Have a great weekend.

  2. I agree with Debbie! You have SO much to be proud of and you have come SO very far. I'm glad you were able to turn that bad feeling around into a smile. :)

  3. You are an incredible inspiration. I totally get the feelings you're going through. It's going to take me a while to work through things like that. I always feel like I want to hide.

    For what it's worth, I think you look FAB and you're only getting better! You are a wonderful person inside and out!

    Goodbye, Fat Girl!

  4. Good for you. Be proud. I totally understand the feeling. I just love seeing myself in pictures with my slim friends (oh, yeah). I feel the shame. Perhaps we can turn that shame into something positive. Something to project us further down the road to healthy.

  5. It's difficult to muster that self-pride sometimes. Good for you for finding it. You've done remarkable things and people are probably incredibly impressed,if anything :)

  6. Good job in focusing on the positive. I totally get what you are saying--I live in the land of the Stepford wives where everyone at school is thin as a rail, blond, beautiful and rich--I always feel like a blob.

    You HAVE done a great job and will continue to do so!:-)