A tough time with Hate-Loss today

So today we went to Son's Kung Fu awards/holiday party.

Before we left the house, I was feeling pretty good about myself... I thought I looked pretty and that my outfit was flattering and I didn't know if any of the parents we are close to were going to be attending (they actually did not attend) but I felt OK confidence-wise for being around people I don't know.

Well we got there and of course, there is a wall of mirrors in there which is handy during the classes but it hit me like a punch in the gut.

I have lost all this weight and I was still the heaviest woman there!!!

Seeing all the "normal-sized" woman and the really fit women and then the teen girls made me feel ashamed of myself.

Ashamed of how big I still am and how unhealthy I let myself become.

I had that moment of shame, and actually was afraid that I was going to burst into tears.

BUT

I told Hubs how I was feeling... I took a deep breath and then I remembered how I felt in that same place during the Halloween party of 2009 when I was pregnant.

I even thought about how I felt in that same place during Son's last couple of gradings.

I look SO MUCH BETTER than I did before and I reminded myself that I didn't have to compare myself to anyone else... and I reminded myself to BE PROUD of everything I've done so far.