Sunday, January 2, 2011

Horrible night's sleep (or lack thereof)

Baby Girl was extremely cranky -- and still is.  I have her in the pack n play here in our hotel room but man oh man - I really need her to have a nap so I can have one!

Have a couple of pics... I know I promised at least one pic of me in my old 14s (you've seen previous attempts to get them on here in my blog before).  Though while trying to get some pics of them, I noticed something I hadn't seen before -- something I've been worried about...

Noticing what I did made me remember Ellen's "Hate Loss" challenge so I said some good and true things about myself to my reflection... rather than careening into a downward spiral of despair and negative self-talk.

I asked Hubs to bring the scale from our place -- I hope he remembers!

Now, onto the pics...

The first two are of the jeans... and yes, I look tired - I only had 3 hrs of sleep last night.

The last one is of the thing I feared -- loose skin.  1G1D1Y has a fear of this too... calls loose skin in that area "bat wings".

I hadn't noticed this on me before but here's what I said to myself, to my reflection.

  • I would rather have loose skin and be at a healthier weight than I was in July.
  • I am strong and brave for acknowledging my loose skin and revealing it on my blog.
  • I am beautiful because I am more accepting of my authentic self which makes me love myself more.
  • I have always been the person who loves and accepts others "flaws and all" and my emotional growth now has me realizing that I must treat and love myself with the same acceptance and respect that I grant others.

Loose skin - the thing I feared and now noticed...


  1. I love the colours you wear, purple looks great on you. I am so very sorry to hear that you are not sleeping on top of everything. I hope tonight is a little easier for you. But ON THE BRIGHT SIDE-- look at your shape- that looks so good! And i wouldn't worry about your arms, they don't look bad from where i am sitting


  2. Awwww, thanks Lesley!!! Did your furnace situation get resolved? I've been worried about you.

    Thank you for the compliments, you made me smile and I need more smiling right now!


  3. I agree with Lesley. You look great, and I love the color purple on you. I have that bat wing arm problem too, but yours isn't half as bad as mine. Keep you chin up! It will get better as you tone up. I'm sorry you haven't been sleeping well. Sending positive vibes for a restful night tonight! *Hugs*

  4. Thank you, thank you for the update on how you are, FAB. And I have to say, reading those beautiful words about yourself made me cry! As I was reading them I kept saying to myself, 'these are words that a good friend would be saying to her and meaning it - and there she is, her own best friend.' The fact that you are taking on this challenge with everything turned upside down right now is remarkable. YOU inspire ME to do better. Big hugs to you (and you LOOK beautiful :)

  5. I just found your blog from Prior fat girl and decided to check it out. You and I seem to be on a similar journey. I had my daughter on March 29th and decided after coming home from the hospital and loosing some weight that it wasn't enough and that I need to get this weight off. I look forward to more posts from you

  6. I hope tonight brings more rest for you, that's no good when you're already dealing with so much!!

    On the loose skin.. I haven't lost enough to notice any yet myself, but I know it's inevitable. Maybe I'll feel differently when I see "bat-wings" but right now, I'm okay with it. My mom lost almost 100 lbs, and then slowed it down, and ultimately gained over half of it back- and it started because she saw a lot of loose skin. One blogger I follow has been saving all along for surgery to remove the loose skin (which I think is a great idea if I'm going to have a ton). If it's minimal, I'll take it over an early death any day. It's hard not to get a little upset about it after all the work we're putting in, but we have to remember WHY we're doing it.

    Sorry for the ramble, I just wanted to tell you how awesome I think it is that you're at peace with it! I just don't want to see someone else work as hard as my mom did, and then throw it all away over a little extra skin :(

  7. I'm telling you, moisturizing the hell out of my body is making a difference.

    Plus, I smell like chocolate when I slather up.

  8. Just wanted to let you know that I really enjoyed this post. It made me realize that I need to focus more on the positive things about myself. Its easy to fall in a pit when Im not happy with my body. Thanks for the reminder! I also agree with the color purple on you! Looks great!

  9. You look great! And concerning "bat wings" - I have seen far worse. Maybe use a body lotion with wildrose oil in it, and get one or two exercises for the triceps (increased blood supply to help the skin change plus muscles to shape your arms nicely)...

  10. I actually mentally stalled on dieting for about a year caues of constant terror of that sagging, empty, flesh-sack. Then I got over 70% of the fear cause having a stroke or heart attack or diabetes just seemed way scarier.

    This past month has been hard. My inner thighs, I've discovered recently, is now officially Elephant-Skin-nish. It's gross. Hate it. and my upper arms are getting super flappy. I always had batwings (that is the term even plastic surgeons use), but I called them FAT WING. I think they're batwings when the fat is one. Mine still have a lot of fat, though less than 65 pounds ago.

    I'm trying hard NOT to think about it too much, cause it's distressing. But, there's no choice. I did this to myself by getting superfat and staying there for two decades.

    You look way better than I do at a similar weight. You're distributed nicer. I'm assuming you're younger than me, right, as your muscle tone/skin elasticity jjust looks way better than mine at 50.

    I wish I had a pick of my elephant skin when i was 22. I'd have never gotten obese.

  11. Thanks for all the comments and re: the above question... I'll be 39 in October so yes, not 50 yet... though 40 looms ominously near!