My first night of Ultra Camp aka the longest fitness test EVER (and a Blog Hop)

So we had to do a fitness test tonight. And I misunderstood at first and thought that our results were all going to be compared to one another and I kicked into anxiety mode.

After Monday and Tuesday night at Emergency First Aid and CPR-B training and certification, I've already been keyed up and this added to it.

The funny thing was - I was really scared about all the parts that involved using my arms but I mistakenly thought I would ace the leg stuff.

Colour me WRONG! I did a decent job at the push-ups and the plank stance thingy (sorry, I don't remember all the names) where I had to hold myself on one arm and lift a weight with my other hand but the backward lunges and the getting right down on the floor (on my front) and back up again all those times really sucked away my time.

As well, the side-to-side jumping over the rolled mat was harder than I thought.

For some reason I did OK with jumping forward and backwards with my feet together but side-to-side, I would get scared about injuring my ankles and I could not keep my feet together.

So I have feet issues. Well, really it's more about my ankles. I don't even know how many times I've had sprained ankles in my life - it's happened that often (and this started when I was a skinny, scrawny kid).

We did some squat things too.

I managed to calm down after 2 near panic/anxiety attacks.

But holy crap, my negative self-talk was back from vacation in full force. I've been doing pretty damn good with laying off the negative self-talk but egads, it was nasty!

It was bitching away at me as I was struggling to complete these movements:

"You look like an idiot."
"Everyone is looking at you."
"They're all going to laugh at you." <-- yes, it was even in Piper Laurie's voice circa the movie "Carrie."
"You can't do this."
"You should be ashamed of yourself."
"You're a joke."
"You're disgusting."
"You're a loser."

So I was trying to squelch the voice, keep focused on what I was doing and not go full-blown into an attack and/or start crying.

Anyway, my fit-test time was 8:01 and at the last class we'll be re-doing them and testing against our own time.

We also ran back and forth across the room (I was speed-walking) and then we were supposed to run up 3 flights of stairs and then back down again (I had to walk it).

My knees felt like they were vibrating and my thighs felt like rubber bands that someone was twanging.

I was also nervous about my knees as they've never been the best since a bully shoved me down the stairs when I was in Grade 7.

I did not realize that boot camp would make me feel so emotional.

I am glad I went, am proud that I did it and I WILL get better, stronger and faster!

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Now, the latest blog hop