After I get the hang of this... I'll have a giveaway in the next week.

I am messing around with My Memories Suite because I received an email offering me a copy of the software to try out and a giveaway (but I'll post that once I've played around with the program, which I received a copy of).

They've also given me a coupon code STMMMS64457 which is only good for the program I am using (My Memories Suite v2) though if you tend to be the impatient type, you have the opportunity to go to the site and by using the coupon code above, a $10 discount off the purchase of the My Memories Suite Scrapbook software and a $10 coupon for the MyMemories.com store (which is a $20 value!)

Once I get a page or two done, I'll screen-cap them and post them to the blog using one of my other google email addresses where I haven't used the maximum allowable photos and also post the official giveaway.

I won't be doing it today though, because it is Hubs' bday and we've got things to do! Plus I'm supposed to take Little Man for an autism-research testing session later this afternoon.

Now I remember...

Last night, instead of going to sleep (or having nookie and going to sleep*) Hubs and I cuddled and talked.

It was good because I find a lot of the time - between dealing with the kids and talking about our respective days that we don't always communicate on the deeper level that first attracted me to him.

Then we get caught up in some of the grumpy, day-to-day annoyances (or some issues that seem to be of mammoth proportions) and I wonder how we ever managed to fall in love.

But nights and conversations like last night remind me.

One of the sweetest things Hubs said to me last night was that I am "still a mystery" to him.

He said whether I am looking up something on the internet, or talking about a TV show, or reading or anything that he always feels like there is still more about me to discover and it intrigues him.

Let me say that I have never, ever considered myself any sort of a mystery because I tend to be pretty open, very honest and well-known for being the Queen of TMI amongst my friends.

But it's nice to know that Hubs still feels that way and it's nice to have those types of conversations and even moments that remind me of the more private reasons why I love him.

Girl stuff, the movie Limitless & other things

My fashionably late period has shown up and I feel like HELL this morning!

:(

And I do have pernicious anemia but I do take B12 sub lingual tablets plus iron so I still can't figure out why I've been so wiped out lately...

Before I forget... if any of my readers are on Facebook, please go to http://www.facebook.com/fitnessdepot click "like" & then go to the wall, find the pic that you see at the top of my blog & click "like" on the photo of Cara-Mae (me).

If I get the most "likes" by May 15th, I can win a $250 gift card from Fitness Depot and I could certainly use some new equipment and since Hubs has STILL not heard from anyone re: getting a job - y'all know I can't afford to buy anything.

Yesterday Hubs and I used our two-for-1 movie coupon to attend the "Stars & Strollers" matinee showing of "Limitless" which, unfortunately tested the limits of my patience.

Despite the lead role being filled by the dreamy and charismatic Bradley Cooper, the movie was extremely predictable, overall rather boring and relied far more on "tell me" rather than "show me" in regards to the voice-overs from the aforementioned Cooper.

Robert De Niro was drab and played a minor role.  All in all, a very disappointing outing.

On the good news department, Son found my missing car key!  So now the only missing items are my pedometer (lost outside) and Hubs' cell phone.

Here's another video of Baby Girl from Hubs' camera... it's very cute!

So exhausted

I really don't know what is wrong with me... if Hubs and I had actually had any nookie lately I'd be a little concerned because I am SO EXHAUSTED and my period is late.

However, we have NOT had nookie since the last time I mentioned it in my blog. Yep, no wonder we've been grumpy around here.

But I did go out yesterday morning with K. to continue our Couch to 5K goal. So we are on week two of the training.

I am really noticing what a difficult time I am having breathing when I am doing any form of exercise and am really starting to wonder if I may require an inhaler or something.

What else?

Gotta go see my birth Mom today and get her to do our taxes for us (did I mention that math is not my friend?).

Going to try to upload a video that Hubs took on his digital camera (my old one) of Baby Girl. (I was in a big fluffy housecoat because I had just had a bath.)

Stressy yesterday & kicking around some exercise thoughts

Exercise thoughts

I've been really thinking about kick-boxing for awhile. Back in 1997, one of my PT employees did kicking boxing and I was trying to work up the nerve to try it when the entire company got sold and some of the stores within the company went bankrupt and I ended up out of a job.

I was googling local kick-boxing establishments last week. But with our financial situation where it is -- I don't think I can invest any money into this sort of thing for now.

I've done some reading about 100 sit-ups and 100 push-ups and C25K and am thinking I should start one of these programs at home.

So if any of you have done any (or some or all) of them - I'd love to hear your thoughts on them.

And now I am going to move into my stressy yesterday post because I don't know that anyone would want to read it... yet, I still needed to write about what's going on because this isn't JUST a weight-loss/getting healthy blog.  It's become THE place where I write about everything.

Stressy yesterday

I spent a good chunk of yesterday fighting with Hubs.

That makes me really unhappy but then, he's really negative and unhappy and is really dumping it onto me.

I sincerely hope he is going to make more of an effort today re: his attitude/outlook.

Some of the stuff was little, stupid things.

We needed groceries but I had a friend coming over who I hadn't seen in awhile. So I reminded him about it and when B. came over, then Hubs went to go have a shower.

After quite some time, he had not returned. I went upstairs and he was lying down and watching TV.

So I said that I thought he was going to go to the grocery store because we needed some specific items for Baby Girl as well as general groceries.

There is often a lapse of common sense with Hubs approach to the world. If Baby Girl is crying, he'll try holding her in the hopes that she'll fall asleep first and then he'll try feeding her, followed by changing her and lastly he'll try giving her a drink.

But if she doesn't take the food or drink he's offering her, he gives up when it's also likely that she just wanted something else to eat or drink (or a drink at a different temperature).

And then he gets mad when I'll ask if he's tried anything else or if I take her (like if I've just come in from belly-dancing or a walk) and what I do calms her down on the first try.

The worst thing yesterday was the fact that both of us had applied to be one-day only election officers.

I was the one who received a call back and I will be working for 12 hours on May 2nd.

I told him about it when he got back from the grocery store.

He was pissed off.

It prompted a litany of "I'm not good enough" type of statements from him about himself.

I felt like I needed to apologize for getting the call instead of him.

He bitched, and sulked and complained.

It was like dealing with one of the older two children.

We had to have more than one "discussion" about his attitude yesterday.

The last one was last night where I reminded him that I've been a single parent before and I could do it again if I had to because I was drowning in his negativity and that it's not healthy for me or the kids.

Yes, I love him.

Yes, I want to be with him BUT not like this.

He has an interview at a temp agency today. If they can find something for him, I hope it helps turn around his attitude.

Seriously though, I really wish he'd go back and try a different psychiatrist because I think he needs to be treated for severe depression and ADD (neither of which has been diagnosed but I feel 95% positive of it.)

I still don't know what's happened to my camera charger and not being able to take photos really depresses me.

*sigh*

Sorry for another grumpy post :( This is not what I want to be writing about in my blog, but it IS what's going on.

Further thought on my tiff with Hubs

I mentioned it in this post this morning and then while responding to a comment on a subsequent post I made this morning... I wrote the following which I then decided could be a post in and of itself...

"I think my time with any of my girls tends to be used more productively in that we talk about emotional things, we get physical exercise and we tend to unburden ourselves in general.

Whereas when Hubs and I are home, it's hard to be motivated to accomplish even basic household chores. He's been down for awhile and I think I get sucked into his apathy when we are together and I begin to resent the fact that I feel like he's bringing me down.

So when I go out with the girls, I am blowing off steam, I am reconnecting with myself so that my relationship with Hubs doesn't blow up and it gives him more of an opportunity to try and sort out himself (even if I often feel like he just ignores and/or wallows in his frustration and negativity rather than trying to work through it or move past it to focus on the now and then dip into it to deal with it in manageable doses)."

----

Bottom line is - I love Hubs but it can get really, really hard living with his negativity - especially since I have been working very hard on moving away from negativity and pessimism.

It feels like I keep trying to bring him up to where I am and he keeps (subconsciously) trying to drag me back down to where he is.

I think he needs to go back to therapy - even though I didn't think much of the last person that he saw.

And I think he needs to actually start using his brain to process some of his past experiences rather than either just resenting them and blaming them for where he is (or isn't) in his life NOW.

For example - I had a certain idea, based on how I felt when I first began this blog - what this blog would be like (hence: Fat, Angry Blog) and I am now far less fat, and far less angry (and I don't think even my early posts were as angry as I thought they would be).

It's all about self-perception.


I think I love myself a lot more than I did before and I wish he would/could/WILL feel that way about himself too!

Journey to health - Day 186

weight:  219.0 lbs
(@1G1D1Y -- I re-weighed after nursing the baby and going to the bathroom)

When I started this I was 278 lbs.  And when I was lackadaisical about it a few months before that - I was 286 lbs.

I am VERY excited right now.

59 lbs gone since July 23, 2010.
67 lbs gone since April 4, 2010.

I am ONE POUND AWAY from being down 60 lbs since July and being the weight I was when I first met Hubs in person!!!

This morning, 1G1D1Y, her Mom, her MoH (and MoH's adorable baby) and I were out at the bridal shop.

1G1D1Y ordered her dress!!!  It was beautiful and the store was fun and we offered unsolicitated opinions to another bride-to-be who was trying things on.

I found myself looking at some of the bridal gowns too (at Hubs' urging on my way out the door actually).

You see, Hubs is *technically* my mistress - LOL!

I left Husband v1.0 in Jan 2005 but I refuse to pay for the divorce since I was the one who was faithful and I was the one who paid off all the marital debt, even though most of it was because of him - and I've never taken him to court for child support so I've never seen more than $280 from him in a YEAR since he's not legally obligated towards anything.

Hence why I won't pay for the divorce.

That being said, Hubs would like us to be legally wed.  The first time he spoke of marrying me was less than a week before the first time we met in person.

Yes, that's right - Hubs did one of those things that I'd normally view as a "fatal flaw" the first day we started chatting on MSN - but (lucky for him *tee hee*) I found it charming.

And Hv1.0 has been engaged to his common-law spouse since Xmas of '07 and she's getting impatient.

*shrug*

Anyway -- when we go to pick up Son from school - then we are heading straight to the rec center.  S-girl is going to try to meet us there as well.

Gotta get my 5k in - damn it!

And now, it's time for some green tea... need to chill for a bit because I relaized I have 3 weddings to attend this yr... Soul sister C's nuptials in July, one of my niece's is getting married the wkend before 1G1D1Y's wedding and, of course, my girl 1G1D1Y.

What am *I* going to wear????

A new day

weight:  233.4 lbs

Still feeling under-the-weather.  Did not go to boot camp yesterday - went to bed early after Hubs had a soak in the tub because he's feeling like crap too!

This morning he and Baby Girl are sleeping in since she was up 3 times last night.

However; I'm putting in a load of laundry right after I post this.  Yesterday when Hubs let me sleep in you know what he got done while I was sleeping...

Have you guessed yet?

Here's your last chance to guess.

He got NOTHING done.  He was just dinking around on the internet.  Didn't throw in any laundry. didn't start dishes (like he promised he was going to get done on SUNDAY), just nothing.

That's one of the things that drives me nuts.

If you promise you are going to do somehting - DO IT and do it in a timely fashion.

I can't tell you how many times I've started to do dishes or something and Hubs will say, "Leave it alone, I'll do it."

And I will say, "I'm right here and I can do it."

Then he gets pissed off and says, "I said I'll do it so I'll do it.  Leave it alone."

But it takes him DAYS to finish the job.

Unfortunately, that really makes me really pissy.

Grr Arrgh!