Things seem so bloody strange right now

Well my weight has gone up and down a bit but this morning I was at 257.0 lbs so no significant changes.

I am now on three medications.

Cipralex (20 mg), Wellbutrin (300 mg) and Topamax (20 mg) and I have a new (or additional - I guess I should ask how that works) diagnoses but I'm not going to talk about that right now.

My anxiety is very well under control.  As a matter of fact, I have actual FINGERNAILS, growing beyond my fingertips.  If I remember later, I'll take a picture and login with one of my other accounts to post it.

The heat and humidity are crazy around here.

We've had a fan and a window air conditioner going since we got up this morning and it is, at this moment, 27 degrees C in here!

Little Man is off at his father's for the weekend so Hubs is here with all his female-folk, myself, Rhyme Girl and I'm not sure what I should call the baby now since she is less a baby and more a rampaging toddler...

Any suggestions?

Little Man has attended one ABA group with some other boys with autism and will be attending another one, one evening a week through the summer.

I just completed the "It Takes Two To Talk" program with my energetic toddler and hopefully she'll get into speech therapy around September.  Still not sure if it's just the pragmatic speech delay or if she could be at the top end of the high-functioning end of the autism spectrum.

Rhyme Girl was doing the Wii Fit today and she's lost 2 lbs since she got here on July 2nd, which puts her at 156.6 lbs at the age of 12 and the height of 4 ft 11.

Her Wii Fit age was calculated at 25.

Hubs also did the Wii Fit today.  His Wii Fit age was calculated at 61 (he'll be 45 this year) and I was calculated to be 38 (I'll be 40 this year).

I have my next appointment with the psychiatrist on Monday and I'm not sure if I am going to peer-led group therapy on Tues, Thursday or both days this week.

I feel good about working on this stuff, though with the new information -- I have some new things to research/read up on.

In other news, we went to Teeswater the other weekend and had a wonderful visit with my Grandmother's cousin, who was a complete sweetheart!  It was a very peaceful town and it was relaxing.

A number of people in my adoptive family have found some great success using Weight Watchers.  So my brother-in-law, T,  gave me a points calculator yesterday.  I will give it a try, although I'm sure there are some foods I won't know how to calculate (like basmati rice for example).

I hope everyone else is happy and well!

Still alive and struggling

Hey there everyone.

Well, I'm still unmotivated, still trying to work out the best meds to help me through this time of depression and exhaustion.

Depending on the frequency of my sporadic bowel movements I am ranging between a low of 249.2 and a high of 252.4

I have started going to a peer-based support group and I am finding that to be helpful, especially since the person I was seeing at the counselling place is no longer there so I only had a total of 4 sessions with her.

The 4th session consisting of my freaking out because she told me while there that it was going to be our last session.

Baby Girl has been assessed with a speech/language delay.  I started the "It talks two to talk" program last week.

Little Man is participating in a group ABA program with some other boys around his age for kids with autism and I take him to that every Tuesday evening.

Hubs is still not working but has been getting coverage for some re-education programs.  He starts a Microsoft Office Suite course in a week or two.

My anxiety is very much under control, though I still have the paranoia issues but my depression just seems like it's getting worse and worse and I am struggling daily.

I am working so hard at sorting out my mental health issues and doing what I can to help my kids with their issues and be emotionally supportive of Hubs while he works on upgrading his education so he can eventually GET a job and support our family.

Rhyme Girl has been having a tough time at her Mom's with various things, so that's a worry and stressor for us as well.

*sigh*

I've been avoiding the blog world in general and I've actually been on Facebook a lot less as well.  It's almost like the more I have to leave my house to do other things, the more I hide away.

But - I'm not dead.

I've spent quite a bit of time on ancestry.ca and ancestry.com as well as findagrave.com as that tends to help me relax.

And I've been reading more again the past week or so.

So that's where I'm at.

I hope all of you are well.

Update on the meds

OK so I have been consistently taking my medication.

The Good:

1. Negative self-talk is still almost completely gone.
2. Binge eating seems to be gone.
3. Depression does not seem so dire.
4. Paranoia has lessened a fair amount.
5. Anxiety has lessened quite a bit.

The Challenging:

1. Sex drive is WAY down.
2. Sleeping issues are difficult to deal with (tired during the day, tired but unable to sleep soundly at night).
3. Increased headaches.
4. Almost constant dry-mouth.

A success story:

I went grocery shopping ALONE on Thursday for the first time in YEARS!!!  It was stressful because I was also having them price-match to competitor's flyers, but I did it.  And I only had to do one extra walk around the store to calm myself down before getting into the checkout line.

Sadder success stories:

My neighbour passed away on Feb 16th of cancer and I went to the visitation at the funeral home to show support for his wife.

Today I am going to the visitation of my friend's mother, who passed away of cancer on Feb 23rd.

I have always had issues with funerals and funeral homes, even before my adoptive parents died.

I'm just updating my blog before my friend gets here to pick me up.

On a brighter note:

If I remember, I have a cute video of Baby Girl that I will post but back-date to before this entry.

I'm on an SSRI

OK so I am taking Ciprolex as of today.

Too early to tell anything yet of course, but I thought I should make note of it.