I spent all afternoon in the closet - luckily, it;'s a walk-in!

Yep, all afternoon!!!

I have 3 garbage bags full of donation clothing to be dropped off... I have my clothes put away (except what's in the laundry queue) and I did have a tiny panic attack but I got over it.

Buh-bye "fat girl" clothes that don't fit me anymore (and NEVER will again!!!).

So long "frumpy mom" clothes - some which fit and some which don't - I don't want you or need you unless you fulfill one of the following things:

1. You make me feel pretty and/or sexy.
2. You are necessary for exercise-type purposes.

Speaking of feeling sexy... I decided to try on the old rubber dress today - just for fun.  My boobs are bigger than they were when I originally wore it and it's still not what I'd call a "flattering" fit - but I wasn't planning on wearing it to belly dancing tonight or anything like that...

Still - that's an NSV because Hubs has never seen me wear it (other than in old photos).

NSV - I fit into an old pair of my jeans (pics added)

I pulled out two pairs of old jeans from Reitman's and tried them on.

The size 14 pair did not fit (and I had Hubs take a photo of that but it shows to worst of my belly so I don't know if I'dd add it to this post later or not).

The other pair was size 16 and I am wearing them right now.

I also got a little crazy and tried on a size M top (which I am wearing despite it being tight) that I bought on sale once and never wore because I couldn't get it on.

It's not the most flattering fit at the moment but screw it -- I'm wearing it anyway!

OK here come some not so great photos - LOL! (The ones in my outfit of today would be better if I was wearing a bra, but I just threw my shirt back on after breast-feeding Baby Girl and skipped the bra)

Sports bra shopping aka a walk through Hell

Let me get this out of the way first.

I hate clothes shopping.  I always have.

When I was a kid, I hated it because we didn't have much money and I would be teased because my clothes came from Bargain Harold's or BiWay or Kmart.  And usually I had no say in what I wore.  My parents had ideas about what I should wear and that was what I wore until I had money to spend on my own choices.

I got my first retail job when I was 15 years old (turning 16 that year) and it was at Kmart, in the footwear department.  With every paycheque, I would go to Reitman's and buy myself an article of clothing or even a whole outfit.

Back in the late 80s I had this cream coloured outfit with gold coloured buttons that I just LOVED.  I thought I was so sophisticated when I wore it.  But even then, I had a hell of a time shopping.

My shoulders have always been narrow (so the shoulder-pad craze actually worked for me- LOL!), once I had a chest, it was always OUT THERE and I've always had quite the shelf, so to speak, when it came to my behind.

I've always had issues getting things to get over my butt and then gaping at the waist.  and, despite the sage advice of Stacy & Clinton from TLC's "What Not To Wear" - I've never been to a tailor.

But since the only shopping I truly enjoy involves books or DVDs (or buying things for people other than myself) shopping for bras is one of the things I hate the most.

#1 - I don't want to spend more than $30 on a bra if I can help it.
#2 - I currently wear a 40DD (though if I was professionally measured - I'm not sure what size I would actually be).
#3 - I always worry that I am going to rip something when I try things on.

Anyway, I went to Walmart and they didn't have ANY sports bras in DD.  And, in fact, I only found ONE sports bra that was a 40 band size (and it's one of those uniboob ones that don't really have "cups."

I had a salesperson assisting me and I decided to see if I could possibly squeeze into a D.

Cue to me in a change room looking COMPLETELY ridiculous.

I did end up buying 2 of the band-sized bras (one a 40 and one a 38 that fit) and I've read that when you are larger, it's beneficial to wear 2 at the same time for more support.

I think I need at least 5 because even with 2 on, the amount of bounce and movement is nuts.  It makes me think of that scene in "The Long Kiss Goodnight" where the jogger goes by.

(I found it on youtube. Go to 5:39 and it's just a couple of seconds).



Anyway - I find it bizarre that it's so challenging to find sports bras and workout clothes in general when I am a larger size - after all, what are we supposed to be wearing when we work out to lose the weight?

Sometimes I wonder...

Well, here's what it is.

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever be OK about spending money on clothes. After I hit 200 lbs in 2002, I sort of made a moratorium on buying clothes.

Why?

Because I wasn't going to stay that size.

Eventually, you have to cave and buy some things. And when I was pregnant with Baby Girl, I had to buy some things, but I was OK with things emphasizing my stomach because I wanted people to see that I was pregnant and not "just obese" if you know what I mean.

But I am still wearing some of that stuff now.

I still can't fit into the size 14 stuff I have kicking around from 2006 when I got down to 206 (or was it 208?) lbs but the in-between things I had in size 18s got worn out and tossed as my weight climbed back up but my larger stuff doesn't fit well or look flattering either.

I have, very reluctantly, donated a few of my larger pieces. Reluctantly because I get afraid that if I get rid of those clothes I will need them again because -- it's happened before.

And yet I still have hung onto a lot of my old "club" clothes that I haven't been able to wear in at least a decade even though my goal weight is probably still a little high to squeeze into those items.

Ahh nostalgia. You screw with me periodically.

At the moment, I do not want to buy anything for this size but I am also intimidated by the idea of buying a "goal outfit."

I've watched "The last 10 lbs boot camp" on Slice and these girls, who are far skinnier than I am, are nervous about buying goal outfits and yet, they always fit into them.

However; they go on what I see as restrictive DIETS -- not lifestyle changes meant to last for the long haul.

So, how do I buy a goal outfit?

Frankly, it almost terrifies me.

And yet i have heard that it's great to have that sort of goal.

Can I cheat and just pick something of my own that doesn't fit now (or doesn't fit comfortably/attractively)?

Thoughts?