(So, I tweaked a famous line from "Network" - it's an homage, damn it!)
So here I am. Sitting mostly naked in front of a computer screen in the middle of the night.
Why?
Because I am sick of myself. I am tired of being tired. Of not being able to do the things I used to do.
Of being FAT!
Yes, the real F-word.
Fatty, fatty two by four, can't get through the bathroom door.
Fat like Weird Al pretended to be in his video, "Fat."
Fat like a bunch of those "Yo Momma..." jokes.
Fat like Gwenyth Paltrow in the fat suit in "Shallow Hal."
Need I say more?
At this point in my life, I would rather give my husband a hand-job than to let him have sex with me because no matter what position I am in, somewhere on my body, my fat will slap against me and disgust me so much that I will then lose all desire and want to curl up and cry.
I am the "fat friend" for everyone that I know (and don't pretend you don't know what I am talking about, you skinny bitches. Everyone has a friend where you can look at them and say, "Well, at least I'm not as big as _______." Enjoy it while you can, because someday you might end up where I am right now.)
Oh, and in case you haven't noticed, this is not going to be a blog that is all sunshine, rainbows and unicorns.
I am fat and I am angry and even if I can't share this with anyone in my life because they wouldn't know what to say or how to look me in the eye again - I am going to say it all here.
I see all these inspiring weight loss blogs thanking whatever meal plan or weight loss guru, book or inspiration that has motivated them. For the people who feel that way, I applaud you sincerely - without even a hint of sarcasm (but with a damn good dollop of envy).
If you can be positive and upbeat on your journey to health - more power to you.
But that's just not me.
Will it ever be? I don't know.
Will I ever fit into anything under a size 24 again? I fucking well hope so!
So this is my fat, angry blog - aka FAB.
What to expect in future entries:
- swearing
- occassional sex talk
- venting
- my personal "score card" aka ME vs APATHY
- weight updates
- random thoughts
- emotional purging (not the same as venting, more of a "kissing cousin" to venting)
- excessive punctuation, run-on sentences, probably some bad grammar
