This is interesting

Today on the scale: 251.8 lbs

Quite the drop from the weekend which leads me to wonder if I was retaining water as if it was my time of the month. Or "shark week" as one of my BFFs refers to it.

You see - I haven't had a period since I had my youngest child. Sometimes breast-feeding women can go up to a YEAR without a period. But this weekend I was has having MAD chocolate and salt cravings.

Can't recall if I've said anything here about this but I think part of the reason I can really lose weight at this point is that life is emotionally sound and secure for me these days.

A likely contributor to my weight gain was a subconscious desire to protect myself from the world. To insulate myself from pain and abuse. To create a protective barrier of fat between me and those who might be dangerous or hurtful.

Another thing was the fact that I had really, really, REALLY wanted another child but because of my weight (and other factors) it was highly unlikely to happen so I think that subconsciously I was keeping the weight on so that way I could look at it like this, "I can't even CONSIDER having a baby unless I get my weight under 200 lbs."

Instead of like this, "Hubs doesn't really want to have another baby and the DRs have made it perfectly clear that it would be dangerous for me to try to have another baby at any weight but near to impossible at this weight."

Of course, as it turns out, the DRs were incorrect and we had our lovely, surprise baby.

Which made/makes me really happy. So now I don't need to hang on to the protective fat as a way to deny my ultimate desire because I have my last baby and I am overjoyed.

What did I do wrong?

On Aug 10th I was 270.2 lbs and I took the following measurements:

hips - 58
bust - 47.5
waist - 47

left upper arm - 15
neck - 15

right thigh - 33
right calf - 21.5

I bought my own soft tape measure the other day and tried taking my measurements and the results didn't make sense.

I am going to re-try now (with my lovely assistant, Hubs) and you can see where I am confused...

weight: 253.4 lbs

hips - 57
bust - 45
waist - 46

left upper arm - 15
neck - 15

right thigh - 34.5
right calf - 20.5

My weight difference is a decrease of 16.8 lbs in 48 days.

I've apparently GAINED an inch on my right thigh and only LOST a TOTAL of 4.5 inches

WTF?!?!?!?!

Did I do it wrong the first time? Did Hubs and I fuck it up this time?

Did I fuck it up both times?!?!!?!

I am totally confused.

Also, I've apparently lost a smidge of height as I was measured yesterday at 5 ft 5. I used to be 5 ft 5 and 1/4 - 1/2.

Qurious about quinoa (yes, I know how to spell curious, I was having fun!)

Here's an excerpt from: http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/09/24/theres-something-about-quinoa/

Several readers have asked me about the way I cook quinoa, which differs from the package directions. I use three parts water to one part quinoa. I cook the quinoa until the grains are fluffy and a spiral appears as the outer germ separates from each grain (15 minutes). Then I drain off the excess water through a strainer, return the quinoa to the hot saucepan, cover the pan with a towel and put the lid back on, so the quinoa will dry out and fluff.

Quinoa will cook well using two parts water to one part quinoa, but I find that the grains are fluffier if I do it my way.

I've never tried it but if anyone reading has, please let me know.

New supplements

weight - 253.4 lbs

Had my first appointment with the lovely and disarming Dr. Watson at http://www.360healthcare.com/

Homepathic - 3 pellets 3x/day away from food, tea or mint (do for 2 wks)

B12 sublingual (1000 mcg) - 1x/day - the brand Natural Factors was recommended but Shoppers only had that dose/tablet in Webber Naturals

Vitamin D (1000 IU) - 4x/day - to take with food

And this one I haven't found yet... Herbulk by Metagenics fiber

She also recommended I amend my smoothie recipe to the following:

1/2 cup spinach (3 frz nuggets)
1/2 - 3/4 cup berries
1/4 cup organic yogurt
1/4 cup apple juice <---- want to ask if I can use different juice though
1/4 cup almond milk
1 tbsp fiber
1 tso (gradually increasing to 1 tbsp) ground flaxseed

Made an appt for my next physical

It is Tues., May 3, 2011 at 10 a.m.

Set a new short-term goal

My new short-term goal is to hit 250.2 lbs.

Why?

Because that would be a 10% body weight loss since I first got fed up and commited myself to making a healthy lifestyle change.

Looking at my old LJ - I found old weights

Going farther back and looking at some of my previous recorded weights in an online journal is super-depressing.

Found these weights and dates...

March 23/09 - 257 lbs
June 30, 2007 - 237 lbs
June 19, 2006 - 206.4 lbs <-- was wearing size 14 pants then
Jan 30, 2006 - 220.2
Dec 21, 2005 - 225.8 lbs
Dec 24, 2004 - 242 lbs

And I was really down on myself when there was a gain or not much of a loss back in those years.

I think my mindset about the journey is better now.

How many calories does having an orgasm burn?

I was wondering about this one...

I tried looking online and I've seen from 27 cals to 1000 cals listed.

Most sites seem to say 50 - 100 cals burned.

had a bit of a stressy weekend

Just re: the kids.

Spent Sunday at my in-laws (whom I adore) but the food choices there are never the best and my MIL is always offering SOMETHING to the kids, Hubs and myself.

Nonetheless, I've still dropped a bit.

Weight: 254.8 lbs

I do think that I am doing OK with my weight loss because I am feeling happier and more determined. Though sometimes I find myself getting upset that I didn't get focused on my health sooner.

When I compare how much I've lost so far, I look back and wonder where I'd be at if I'd started this in April instead of the end of July.

Why I feel the need to beat myself up about it, I do not know.

Anyway - go me! I'm doing really well!

another drop

And any drop is better than none at all.

weight: 256.0 lbs

Did the warm-up routine on an exercise video but when it got to the actual coordinated routines (it was a dance-based exercise video) I completely fucked it up.

Me = uncoordinated to the EXTREME!

Still did the elliptical though!

edited to add -- weighed myself again after going to the bathroom so I had to adjust the weight on this post

A morning surprise

Not going to complain about this but I was down 0.5 lbs when I got up this morning.

What a delightful surprise!

weight: 257.5 lbs

I have an exercise video I am thinking of trying today - though I am extremely uncoordinated so I am not positive how I feel about trying it.

Yes, I know no one can see me but if I feel silly or embarrassed, it's far harder to get myself motivated.

My top 5 reasons for my weight loss & lifestyle change

#1 - To give myself the best chance at being here for my kids for the long haul
#2 - to be able to look at my old photos without cursing myself for putting on so much weight
#3 - to look like the ME I feel like I am meant to be
#4 - to go out dancing once in awhile and not running out of energy during one song
#5 - to set a great example for my kids so they never end up where I am now re: weight struggles

258.0 lbs!

OK so that means a 20 lb loss since July 23rd when I started this blog!

weight: 258.0

And from my last weigh-in before giving birth the last time - it's a 38 lb loss.

Had I been more focused on weight loss after giving birth I'd be way lower by now BUT any loss is a move in the right direction so let's take a moment and do an "I lost 20 lbs in 55 days" dance.

That's an approx loss of 0.36 lbs per day. Or about 2.5 lbs lost per week.

Since I re-adjusted my goal weight to 175 lbs (rather than 160) I am trying to look at how long it could take me to get there.

I need to lose 83 lbs from today to hit 175 (unless after I see the naturopath I end up re-evaluating my weight goals again).

amended goals

So I really started being focused on healthy weight loss on Friday, July 23, 2010.

On Friday, December 24, 2010 it will be 22 wks since I got focused.

So instead of firm goals maybe it should be a range?

Like weekly losses of 1 to 3 lbs - anything in there is good
Then monthly losses of 4.5 to 13.5 lbs (based on a month being about 4.5 wks)
So then by Dec 24th, at the 22 wk mark, my total weight loss will be acceptable if it is between 22 to 66 lbs.

That still means my currently set goal of 53 lbs lost by Dec 24th is OK but it might be a little bit high.

Since my weight on July 23, 2010 was 278 lbs and my weight as of Friday, Sept 10, 2010 was 259.6 lbs that breaks down into a 18.4 lbs loss over a 7 week period or an average of 2.6 lbs a week -- which is higher than average.

Old BIA info

In early 2009 I was seeing a naturopath and I did a mini-course called "Vibrant Living" and during that course I had my BIA done 3 times.

BIA = Bio Impedance Analysis

Feb 23/09
weight: 264.5
phase angle: 6.1
body capacitance: 631 pF
Resistance: 532.1 ohms
Reactance: 56.8 ohms

Body Cell Mass: 67.5 lbs 25.5%
Extracellular Mass: 74.5 lbs 28.2%

Lean Body Mass: 142.0 lbs 53.7%
Fat Mass: 122.5 lbs 46.3%
Total Weight: 264.5 lbs 100%

ECM/BCM: 1.10
BMI: 42.7%
Basal Metabolic Rate: 2009 cals

Intracellular Water: 21.5 liters 48.1%
Extracellular Water: 23.2 liters 51.9%
Total Body Water: 44.7 liters 100.0%

TBW/Lean Body Mass: 69.4%
TBW/Total Weight: 37.3%

---

March 9/09
weight: 257 lbs
phase angle: 6.2
body capacitance: 651 pF
Resistance: 527.0 ohms
Reactance: 57.5 ohms

Body Cell Mass: 66.8 lbs 26.0%
Extracellular Mass: 73.5 lbs 28.6%

Lean Body Mass: 140.3 lbs 54.6%
Fat Mass: 116.7 lbs 45.4%
Total Weight: 257 lbs 100%

ECM/BCM: 1.10
BMI: 41.5%
Basal Metabolic Rate: 1984 cals

Intracellular Water: 21.6 liters 48.5%
Extracellular Water: 22.9 liters 51.5%
Total Body Water: 44.5 liters 100.0%

TBW/Lean Body Mass: 69.9%
TBW/Total Weight: 38.2%

---

March 23/09
weight: 257 lbs
phase angle: 6.0
body capacitance: 650 pF
Resistance: 508.9 ohms
Reactance: 53.5 ohms

Body Cell Mass: 66.4 lbs 25.8%
Extracellular Mass: 75.2 lbs 29.3%

Lean Body Mass: 141.6 lbs 55.1%
Fat Mass: 115.4 lbs 44.9%
Total Weight: 257 lbs 100%

ECM/BCM: 1.13
BMI: 41.5%
Basal Metabolic Rate: 2003 cals

Intracellular Water: 21.6 liters 47.9%
Extracellular Water: 23.5 liters 52.1%
Total Body Water: 45.1 liters 100.0%

TBW/Lean Body Mass: 70.2%
TBW/Total Weight: 38.7%

Since I didn't talk about this the other day

I am not sure if it was Friday or Saturday but I was on the elliptical and I just felt this rush of energy and I felt like I was connected to the whole of the universe.

That I was tuned into the universe and doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing. And I began to speak some affirmations...

"I am doing what is best to help my body operate at peak efficiency."

"I am filled with energy and drive to be the best me I can be."

"I am a fat burning, lean muscle building, milk producing machine."

And, though that stuff usually seems silly and maybe even a bit ridiculous to me -- it just all felt RIGHT.

I think I'd prefer more days or moments like that.

Oh and weight: 259.2 lbs <-- minimal drop but at least not a gain

Yesterday I bought 2.5 lb ankle/wrist weights and I did part of my elliptical time with them on my ankles (currently CANKLES) but they wouldn't stay on my biggest one so I then did the rest of the workout on my wrists.

Does the force behind the motivation matter?

I am curious.

I did 32 mins on the elliptical this morning and then later this evening I did another 30 to try and balance out the "cheat" eating I did at supper while celebrating my friend's birthday.

But it was more of a feeling of guilt and shame that got me on there. It wasn't a sense of empowerment and hope like I had the other day (which i don't even think I wrote about).

So - thoughts?

For those who are curious as to what I am eating

You should be able to follow this link and view my activity on fatsecret.com

Yesterday was really weird because I ate way more than I have in awhile but I was so damn hungry!

Some of the choices weren't the best (because we were out and about) but I didn't gain anything today like I was afraid I would.

259.6!

weight: 259.6
body fat % 47.6 <-- though since I am nursing, my body fat changes depending on when I last nursed the baby so I don't know how accurate that % will be so long as I am nursing.

Was talking (OK more like whining/venting) to one of my BFFs yesterday about the lack of scale movement and this morning - tada!

Seems like my 258 lb goal by Sept 11th may be slightly delayed, but that's OK because I am proud of myself.

Damn, guess I'm not as Fat or as Angry as I was when I started this blog.

Have a great day!

I didn't give in to apathy

I really was not in the mood to get on the elliptical of naughty noises today.

Had a rough night last night - was exhausted today and spent the chunk of the day out and about.

Normally I try to get it done between 1 and 3 p.m. but that didn't happen today.

So I decided that I could get things done later in the afternoon - completely forgetting about "Meet the Teacher" night at my son's school.

Buh-bye plan.

By the time we were home from that, we had a late supper and then the baby was fussy and we were all a bit out of sorts.

Nonetheless, I did not want to bail on the challenge this early on and I am writing this entry after completing 30 mins on the elliptical!

Scorecard

Health & Wellness - 1
Apathy - 0

from "Burn the Fat, Feed the Muscle"

The 12 worst fat-storing foods you should never eat
X Ice cream
X Fried foods
X Doughnuts and pastries
X Candy, chocolate & sweets
X Soda
X Fruit “drinks” and other sugar-sweetened beverages
X Potato chips
X Bacon, sausage
X White Bread
X Hot dogs, fast food burgers
X Cookies
X Sugary breakfast cereals

The 12 best foods you should eat all the time
􀀹 Oatmeal (or other whole grain cooked cereals such as barley, wheat, rye, etc)
􀀹 Yams (or sweet potatoes)
􀀹 Potatoes (white or red)
􀀹 Brown Rice
􀀹 Whole wheat bread and 100% whole grain products
􀀹 Vegetables
􀀹 Fresh Fruit
􀀹 Low fat & non fat dairy products (yogurt, cheese, milk, etc)
􀀹 Chicken or turkey breast
􀀹 Egg whites (or “egg beaters”)
􀀹 Lean red meat (top round, extra lean sirloin)
􀀹 Fish and shellfish

Is it bedtime yet?

OK so I had a 10 minute walk in this a.m. only because today was icky and I had a dental appointment so no walking the kids to school.

Just logged 30 mins of Fat Burn on the Elliptical of naughty noises.

Now I just want to sleep!!!!

For those keeping score:

Sloth and apathy - 0

Health and happiness - 1

4 people commented on my weight loss yesterday

So I was pretty pleased by that.

1 of the Moms at my son's school and 3 of the Moms from my son's martial arts class.

*happy dance*

Also, yesterday I got 30 mins of walking in as well as 30 mins on the elliptical - which still makes naughty noises but I bought some batteries to get the monitor and programmable settings to work so it was 30 minutes of "Fat Burn" baby!

Reading: Burn the Fat, Feed the Muscle

Weight: no change :(

Specific Activity: 60 mins

Challenge

One of the people from the LJ community 100pounds2lose posted a challenge.

30 minutes of any type of exercise daily.

Challenge accepted.

Start date - today

And yes, I did my 30 minutes (31 actually) about 45 minutes ago.

Well this makes me feel better

OK, so today I waited to weigh myself until after I'd gone to the bathroom.

weight: 260.8 lbs

Wow. Really?

I soaked in the tub for 2 hrs and weighed myself afterwards.

Still 260.8 lbs.

What have I learned?

Weigh myself naked and after I've gone to the bathroom.

This is not the time for a plateau

weight: 262.6

yes, a 0.2 drop.

One thing that bugs me about fatsecret is that when you update your weight it re-evaluates how long it will take to reach your goal.

So it went from 10 months to reach goal to well over a year since I've been stagnate in my weight loss this week.

Have an appt. with the naturopath but not until Oct 14th at noon.

Walked with Hubs and kids tonight. Only for 30 minutes. But I really am trying to get in at least 30 minutes of SOMETHING per day.

So, I'm slightly less far, slightly less angry but still blogging.