An update

Hey all! 1G1D1Y here with an update:

FAB, hubs and babygirl are comfortable in a nice hotel... a little stressed and trying hard not to give in to the junk food/comfort food cravings. Little man is staying with his friend for the night and step daughter is back with her mom.

The insurance adjusters took an emergency load of their clothes to the dry cleaner and I washed a few loads here this morning for them. An air scrubber has been set up, pets are going to be groomed on Monday when the rest of the world has recovered from New Years. Anyway you cut it, FAB and hubs are going to be out the $1000 deductible.

Everyone is safe and sound, and that's what is important. Unfortunately that means FAB and hubs are without internet access for the next few days unless they head back to the house for some work. Hard to do while the air scrubbers are working away at the smell until Tuesday.

The family who lost the most, where the fire started are a harsh reminder why it's so important to have tenants/home insurance. The family of 6 have been left without a home and the fire has been determined as wiring + years of grease in the vent above the stove hood. They will have to rebuild from near scratch because of water and smoke damage.

Keep safe, have a great start to the new year and above all... love the ones you're with~!

feel like puking

I have been awake since I last breastfed baby girl.

Am typing in the dark.

I am feeling the physical aftermath of the stress... feel like puking. Wish I had a key for 1g1d1y's door - then I'd go to my unit and start some laundry or something because I can't turn off my brain rihgt now.

I feel thankful and angry. I feel stressed and yet relieved that it wasn;t worse (because it could have been).

I really feel like crying.

no idea if insurance will cover anything re: smell issues from the smoke.

our deductible is 1000

I have to do a fuckton of laundry...

bedding, clothes, stuffed animals

throw out food that was in cupboards (though fridge and freezer stuff should be fine)

I don't know how to get the smell out of our unit as quickly and efficiently as possible and I feel whatever I'll need to do will be expensive

house fire next door - are you fucking kidding me!!!!?????

So, coming home we were not even to Toronto yet and I get a call from 1G1D1Y asking me if we were all OK.

I said, "yeah."

She then informs me that one of the units our unit is sandwiched by is on fire.

ON FIRE!

We are still well over an hour away from home and our pets are in our basement.

As soon the fire dept said it was OK - 1G1D1Y went in and rescued my dog and eventually my cat, who was in hiding.

No fire or soot or water damage inside my place BUT the smell is horrible - like a campfire someone dropped a plstic bottle in.

Worse than burnt hair.

Waiting for a claims adjuster cuz there is no way we can sleep there tonight... don't know about our mattresses or our clothes - and can smoke damage electronics?

Am posting from 1G1D1Y's kitchen-- and I really want to stuff my face right now because I am very freaked out.

I am SO thankful that no one was hurt BUT I m still losing my mind...

Woo Hoo! Another goal acheived!!! Day 160

This morning's weigh-in (after breast-feeding but before a #2 since I woke up feeling constipated again)

weight: 222.0 lbs !!!!!

The Wii Fit must be having a positive effect or else it's just that we've had a few days of staying home so I've not had any cookies, for example.

Or it was the fact that my bowels were moving well yesterday even after my last post.

I don't know but I am not complaining about this at all!

Have a new case of water so I can get my water in.  Have a naturopath appointment today so I'll be in TO with 1G1D1Y and Baby Girl is coming with us too which gives Hubs and Step-Daughter a bit of alone time until Son gets home.

Weight Goals IN-PROGRESS 
(starting from my 278 lbs weight on July 23, 2010):

60 lbs lost from my July 23, 2010 weight = weight of 218 lbs (what I weighed when I met Hubs in Jan '07)

Move from Severely Obese to Obese = weight of 210 lbs

**25% = 208.5 lbs


70 lbs lost from my July 23, 2010 weight = weight of 208 lbs

ONEDERLAND!!!! aka 79 lbs lost from my July 23, 2010 weight = weight of 199 lbs (lower than I was when I married my ex)

80 lbs lost from my July 23, 2010 weight = weight of 198 lbs

**30% = 194.6 lbs

90 lbs lost from my July 23, 2010 weight = weight of 188 lbs

**35% = 180.7 lbs lowest long-term goal set by my naturopath

Move from Obese to Overweight = weight of 180 lbs

100 lbs lost from my July 23, 2010 weight = weight of 178 lbs

**37% = 175.1 lbs current long-term GOAL

Guess what - I re-weighed and...

You all hear me complaining about my bowel issues...

Well, I re-weighed after I had a bowel movement this morning and I dropped an ENTIRE POUND!

I re-checked 4x.

I got 222.6, 222.8, 222.8 and 222.8

:)

weight:  222.8 lbs

another drop

Well this was nice to see...

weight: 223.8 lbs

My next goal, as you may know, is to hit 222.4 lbs which, if my math is correct, is a 20% weight loss from my July 23rd weight of 278 lbs.

I am really looking fwd to getting there and then I'll be making my goals by total pounds loss in increments of 10 lbs to make it easier to track.

I have not put time allotments on the coming up goals because I am not sure what rate I ought to be losing.  As I get closer to 200, is it reasonable to aim for 2 lbs a wk?  Up until now I've been aiming at 2.5 lbs per wk but I know weight loss can slow down a bit so I don't want to set any unrealistic goals.

I have an appt with my naturopath on Wednesday, so I'll ask her what she thinks.

No idea what we are going to be doing today.

Oh and my nose is running :(

Yuck.

Checking out the wii fit + balance board

It says my age is 43.  5 yrs older than I am.

But here's my awesome news this a.m.

weight:  224.4 lbs!!!

ACHIEVED weight goals based on my 278 weight as of July 23, 2010:

Goal 1: lose 10 lbs by Aug 23, 2010 - CHECK

5% of my July 23rd weight lost = 264.1 lbs - CHECK

Goal 2: get to 265 lbs - CHECK

Goal 3: get to 258 lbs by Sept 11, 2010 <-- CHECK as of Sept 18th

Goal 4: total weight loss at least 23 lbs by Sept 23, 2010 - CHECK

** 10% of my July 23rd weight lost = 250.2 lbs - CHECK

Goal 5: get to 249 lbs by Oct 11, 2010 - CHECK (248.0 actually)

Goal 6: total weight loss at least 33 lbs by Oct 23, 2010 - CHECK (exactly 33 lbs lost since July 23rd)

Goal 7: get to 239 lbs by Nov 11, 2010 - CHECK 239.0 lbs as of Nov 9th, 2010

**15% of my July 23rd weight lost = 236.3 lbs (lower than I was when I first met Baby Girl's godparents in the summer of '07) - CHECK 236.0 lbs as of Nov 19, 2010

Goal 8: total weight loss at least 43 lbs (I'd be 235 lbs) by Nov 23, 2010 - CHECK 234.0 lbs as of Nov 21, 2010

Goal 9: get to 229 lbs by Dec 11, 2010 - CHECK 229.0 lbs as of Dec 10, 2010

**50 lbs of my July 23rd weight lost = 228.0 lbs - CHECK as of Dec 16, 2010

Goal 10: total weight loss at least 53 lbs (I'd be 225 lbs) by Dec 24, 2010 - CHECK 224.4 lbs as of Dec 27, 2010

Been a busy day

Sorry I haven't had a chance to do any blog reading.

Last night I actually went out to my old stomping grounds to socialize and dance (for the first time since maybe 2008).

Then today I went out and checked out some Boxing Day sales.  Thankfully I avoided the mall I worked in years ago since there was a mob of girls since Justin Bieber was shopping there today.

http://www.therecord.com/news/local/article/305826--justin-bieber-goes-boxing-day-shopping-in-kitchener

(That's actually the mall where I bought those size 16 jeans I posted me wearing not that long ago).

Speaking of jeans - I fit into the OLD 14s last night (though they made a muffin top).  No pic though - I'll throw them on at some point to show everyone.

Hooked up the wii for the kids and on the fitness test thing it said I was 46 *cries* but I blame the baseball thing - I totally blew that one!  LOL!

PJ pics post!

Sacked out - watching Glee s1 on DVD

Yep...

Kids opened Santa presents this morning, then we went to my birth Mom & step-dad's place and then we went to visit my grandparents.

Son was picked up by his daddy and so now Hubs, Baby Girl, Step-daughter and I are all sacked out in our Xmas PJs.

We had homemade quiche at my Mom's and I have no idea what to enter it as on fatsecret.com plus we each had 2 shortbread cookies (homemade by my Grandma).

Thoughts?

Anyway - here are some pics from today:

My sister (technically half-sister)

Sisters! (technically half-sisters)

Son

Baby Girl chewing her first taste of honeydew melon.

My sister and her boyfriend

My Mom and step-dad (& the baby pic at the top of the photo is me when I was one)

Xmas singing fish!

Me & my birth mom

Baby Girl

Hubs & Step-daughter

My Grandma with Son

My Grandpa with the 3 kids

Grandma & Baby Girl

Happy Ho-Ho and all that stuff!

Been up since 7:30 a.m.

Hubs, Son and Baby Girl are all pretty sick.

Step-Daughter and I are OK so far.

small drop in weight this a.m. and still no action in the BM department... :(

weight: 226.4 lbs

Baby Girl's new Pjs

Son's fav Santa present

Hubs' new PJ bottoms

Bailey's chocolate & I have new PJs in the bag

Baby Girl trying to get at her PJs

Step-daughter and one of her cool Santa presents

Presents! Have a Merry Ho-Ho!

Thinking...

Since we have to be at my birth Mom's by 10 a.m. tomorrow and Son is being picked up by his father between noon and 1 p.m. I was just talking to Hubs on the phone and we are considering the possibility of letting the kids open their gifts this afternoon/tonight and then they'll just have Santa stuff to open in the a.m.

Then that would actually give them time to play with some things...

Hmmmn...

It's Xmas Eve Day!

And I really, really, really wish I wasn't constipated.

Can having a good bowel movement be my Xmas wish this year?  Seriously!

weight:  226.6 lbs

I had planned for being 225 lbs today but, like when I didn't hit my date goal on Sept 11th -- I will still get there, even if it takes a bit longer.

Today Baby Girl and Son and I are headed over to his godparents' place (aka the home of one of my BFFs) to decorate cookies and exchange presents while Hubs and Step-Daughter are on the way here.

Then we are going back over there on Boxing Day to do gifts and such with Hubs and Step-Daughter when Son is at his father's place.

Baby Girl was up for a good chunk of the evening last night - so I am rather tired today.

Not sure how much or how little I'll be blogging over the next few days, but I expect to still post at least once per day hopefully!

So to all of my readers - I wish you a non-denominatial, non-religious happy holidays and should you be of a more religious bent than I, then please change my wish to you into a form that most suits what your personal beliefs are.

Although I consider myself non-religious and fall under the spiritual and probably neo-pagan umbrellas of classifcation -- we call it Christmas here.

I was raised with Christmas within my family's belief in the United Church.  Hubs is a lapsed Catholic.  Step-Daughter was baptized in a church by Hubs and her mom.  Son and Baby Girl have not been baptized in a church although they do each have a wonderful set of godparents, who understand their role of providing additional moral guidance, and being confidants to the kids without being religious.

But godparents is the term I am used to - so that's what we use.

Son does say prayers at night, although not in a traditional sense.

When he was younger I taught him to say and think of the following:

"Protection, strength, perseverance, wisdom, oneness with the universe."

And when he is older, he is free to believe in what he wants to - even if it differs from my own personal belief system.  I plan the same freedom for Baby Girl.

Have a great day, everyone!

Having a pajama day

Hubs is at his parent's place tonight and is coming home with Step-Daughter tomorrow.  Son and baby Girl and I are chillin' here at home today.

Son and I just watched "Look who's talking" and he loved it so now "Look who's talking too" is on. But I draw the line on the one with the talking dogs.

Seriously.

Update on my newest great-nephew

Heard from my sister that my great-nephew (the one who was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis) is in foster care.

Not sure when he was placed into care and I am not sure if my niece voluntarily made the decision or if it was made for her (she has some serious mental health issues).

I think that this might be the best decision for the lil guy.  I can say that when I was a baby, my birth Mom did the right thing for me by giving me up.

As much as it affected my self-esteem growing up -- in hindsight it was the best thing for me.

I might not have even survived if I had not been placed in foster care and then been adopted because of all the stressors and challenges that both my birth parents had in their own lives, as well as the drama that surrounded them from their extended families.

I do hope that my niece at least gave a lot of information so that when C. grows up, he can have information on why his Mom made the decision that she did (or why the decision was made for her - if that's the case).

I'm still sad though.

Am debating what to say to my niece... since she hasn't said anything about it to me.

Comparing from the back

Here's one that was on my blog in Sept when I was 253.4 lbs

And here's one from today at 227 lbs (same bottoms - different sports bra)... and that's my heart operation scar showing on the left-hand side of the image.

Baby Girl , the evil cold, a popcorn temptation and a trip to Narnia

weight:  227.0 lbs

I think last night was actually the worst night's sleep we've had (or really DIDN'T have since we were awake so much) since Baby Girl was born.

She has a cough, her eyes are watering, her nose is running and she's not a happy girl :(

Though she sort of smiled in this snap because she was trying to grab the camera strap.

Son has a cough.

Hubs and I are still OK at the moment but the lack of sleep is neither helping our energy levels nor our dispositions.

I took Son to see the newest Narnia movie at the theatre in 3D yesterday.

It was the first time 3D didn't end up giving me a wicked headache afterwards.

It was also the first time I've gone to the movies without eating a large or XL buttered popcorn (Son and I SHARED a small popcorn!)

This movie strayed the most from the plot of the book and, therefore, is my least favourite Narnia movie.

The slow-down

I realize with some trepidation that this is the slowest I've lost weight in awhile.  And I can attribute it to a number of things... stress, lack of sleep and LESS EXERCISE.

That's probably the worst thing right now... after doing Xmas shopping or visiting with friends and family and that sort of thing -- I just am not forcing myself to exercise.

My ankle is feeling better although it is still a little tender.  But I'm scared of doing something that will really mess it up.

With being busy with Xmas coming - I'm OK with slowing down because once all this stuff is over, it's back to normal.

I find this time of year really emotional even without a lot of the things that have gone on lately.

I know I mentioned my niece and her situation with my newest great-nephew having CF.  And I know I mentioned my blood relative with the severe addiction problem.  As well as my friend losing his father.  Then one of my dear friends had a miscarriage (and she's wanted a baby for a very long time). And one of my BFFs was very upset and crushed when her friend's 18-year-old daughter died of cancer.

Xmas is never easy for me because I have been a bit of a Bam Humburg-er since my Dad died in 1993.

If it was up to me, I wouldn't decorate at all.  I'm not crafty.  I'm allergic to pine and I personally hate the idea of killing a live tree just to have one in the house for the holidays. So I don't understand that.

I don't bake and I, frankly, don't need cookies and other sweets anyway.

I don't like the pressure of the shopping and the frantic scheduling required to make sure everyone sees everyone.

We get Step-Daughter on Xmas Eve (so Hubs is picking her up hoping around noon) then they will come straight back and meet Baby Girl and Son and myself at one of my BFF's home where we will do gift exchange and cookie decoration.

Xmas morning, the kids will have to scramble and open gifts before we head over to my birth mom's place to do Xmas with them before Son leaves with his father.

My adoptive family is having our family Xmas on Jan 9th and then we'll be done.

It's all so complicated compared to when I was a little kid and I only knew one family and only had one Xmas where everyone was there.

We don't usually do Xmas with Hubs family because of weather and road conditions plus timing.  Hubs will go in on his own to get Step-Daughter and to take her back but Son and I (and now Baby Girl) don't go.  I'm not good with the drive and the traffic in good weather, in winter conditions in south Western Ontario I get even more stressed and anxious.

It would be ideal if all our families were at least in the same town.  It would make scheduling much easier.

But that's not how it is.

Add to that the fact that the holidays ALWAYS suck because my parents are dead and well, you can maybe see why I am a Bah Humbug-er.

I do like seeing the kids' faces when they open presents and I love spending time with the people that I love - I just wish it was less complicated.

And this turned into quite the tangent.

To get back to the beginning - my mindset is rather poor at the moment but when things slow down and I can RELAX again - I will start seeing drops the way I like them from my scale.

Day 152 - a house filled with phelgm

So Son and Baby Girl are coughing and sneezing and spraying spit, mucus and germs.

Yuck!

And I have a bloody-ish nose because I had a small, painful pimple at he bottom outside edge of my nostril that I was dumb enough to pop.

My eyes are watering. I'm sniffling and the freakin' thing is bleeding!

Late start this a.m. because we stayed up till 2:30 in hopes of the cloud cover clearing so we could see the lunar eclipse.

No dice.

So we gave up and went to bed.

I did show Son some footage on youtube this morning though.

Next up -- we are finally going to put up our Xmas tree.  Yep, that's what I'm doing on Yule/Winter Solstice.

edited to add our lil fake tree that used to belong to my Mom...

Honest Scrap award

From Nut in a Lifeshell.

How it was passed on to me may be a bit nontraditional but I do think that this award does tend to suit me and my blog.

OK, 10 honest things...

1. I snore but I hate when Hubs snores and I will wake him up and then try desperately to fall asleep before he starts up again.
2. I have a hard time disciplining the kids because sometimes their excuses/reasons really crack me up and I have to leave the room and laugh.
3. I would always choose to have a pet cat over a dog.
4. When I was a child, I thought I could see the sleep sand being dropped into my bedroom by the Sandman.
5. I hate going to shopping malls at ANY time of year but especially now.
6. I get afraid that I am being followed by random strangers when I am driving alone.
7. I worked at a gas bar for almost 4 yrs and if a gas pump is properly calibrated I can always pump to an exact amount without programming the machine.
8. I had a burner fire here once and when my fire extinguisher didn't work -- I googled how to put out a burner fire.  Thank goodness I had backing soda in the fridge!
9. I have wanted to go get a professional massage for years but I don't out of fear that it would be like the episode of "Friends" when Monica got the massage from Phoebe.
10. I sneeze REALLY loudly and it boggles me to be around quiet sneezers because it is so bloody foreign to me.

Friend Making Monday

Brought to you by Shrinking Kenz

Three Things

Three of your favorite movies:
1. Harold & Maude
2. Gypsy 83
3. Trust

Three of your favorite things to drink:
1. Pepsi
2. Rye and Ginger ale
3. Steeped tea

Three of your favorite songs: (I'm going to do 6)

to dance to:

1. Touched by VAST
2. Animal Zoo by Front 242
3. The Sun Always Shines on TV by A-ha

to sing at karaoke or whilst playing Rock band:


1. Don't Stop Believin' by Journey

2. Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler 
3. Eye of the Tiger by Survivor

Three people who have been a positive influence on your life (outside of family): 

1. My kids
2. My friends
3. My Grade 11 English teacher, Mr. Jim Majer.

Three things you do to keep yourself entertained: 
1. internet
2. read
3. DVDs

Three things you're attracted to in the opposite sex:

1. honesty
2. eyes
3. sense of humour

Three things you love about yourself:

1. I'm a good Mom.
2. I'm a good friend.
3. I'm a good person.

Three things you're looking forward to this week:
1. my Mom's cooking
2. kids opening presents
3. spending time with friends/family

Joined diet.com

Here's what it said about me...

FatAngryBlog, Your Diet Personality Summary

Your eating personality is Fruitless Feaster

The Fruitless Feaster enjoys a colorless, plain meat-and-potatoes type diet with the exception of the odd glass of juice or piece of fruit. Your main food choices are proteins, breads, pastas, desserts and, of course, fats. When you skip eating low-calorie, fiber-rich fruits and vegetables, you also miss out on their powerful cancer- and heart disease-fighting nutrients.

Your exercising personality is Uneasy Participant

Uneasy Participants are overly aware of their body size in motion and are forever comparing themselves to others. This keeps you from joining a gym or signing up for an exercise class. You know you need to get yourself in better shape but these feelings paralyze you and prevent you from taking action.

Your coping personality is People Pleaser

People Pleasers do more to help others than to help themselves. You say yes to the PTA, you sign up for that extra project at work, you carpool many of the kids in your neighborhood and before you know it, you have no time left to nurture your own health or take that exercise class that interested you. Doing for everyone else before yourself keeps you last on your totem pole. It's about time you put yourself higher up. You deserve it!

You've got personality... and now you've got the chance to tame the eating, exercising and coping habits and shed those extra pounds.

I blame the nookie... (a bit of a TMI post)

OK so since Hubs had his vasectomy we've finally started having a complete sex life again.

Yes, that's right - we abstained from penetration for 8 months.

So now that we are getting our nookie on, so to speak - I am really having hard core junk food cravings again.  The way it was when I first started changing the way that I was eating.

Why this could be/would be/is the case, I have no idea but it's the one major change to my routine as of late.

And it also has an impact on how much sleep I get, because although I can be more like a man and roll over and fall asleep as soon as we are done -- the fact that I'm awake for the extra time might be having a negative impact on me re: my already challenged sleep arena.

But then the positive impact of a healthy sex life comes with its own bonuses too.

Essentially, I am very glad to have a full sex life again, I just wish it didn't have to take away from my sleep and I can't figure out why it seems to increase my junk food cravings.

This post was brought to you by the hormones oxytocin and fenylethylamine.

Day 150 - a slight loss and a migraine

weight:  227.2 lbs

No exercise the past couple of days re: the ankle though I did some walking around while shopping, so that's better than just parking my butt.

Still feeling down, but marginally improved.

Have a migraine this morning though.  Across my brows and pain down the back of my neck on top of it.

Plans for Son this afternoon fell through and are being re-scheduled but I was hoping to wrap the rest of the presents while he was gone today.

Haven't come up with a new plan for today yet.

And I think I need to break out the lemon and honey again because I am getting all phlegmy!

Wow, I am feeling really down this morning

I was looking fwd to starting my blog post this morning about a NSV... because I am stepping on the bottom of my PJ legs, since now that there is less of me in them, they hang lower.

Around 4 a.m. I was thinking about writing a bit about nookie since Hubs and I have finally started having sex again (with condoms).

But when I got online this morning, I received some news about a family member with serious addiction problems.

It's not looking well for him at all.

He's on probation for a non-drug-related offense and now he's apparently living in a crack house.

This is not the first time he's gotten in bad with this drug, but, from what I am hearing -- this may well be the last.

And there is nothing I can do to stop him or save him and the last time I saw him, we had a HUGE talk about choices and looking to other ways to deal with the pain of past emotional and physical traumas.

It's back to a worst-case scenario with him... and it breaks my heart.

WTF happened, Blogger?

Crappity crap!

OK so some of you may have comments on your blogs from a Blogger name you might not recognize and that's because, somehow, Blogger flipped me to my other Blogger identity - the one where I have 3 blogs that I don't post in often and that have very few followers.

So, if you got a comment under that identity - and happen to realize that it's me, please don't out me ;)

Thanks!

Owwie, my ankle!

OK so I slipped on Wednesday night coming home from working out.

I did NOT fall but my ankle was a little sore.  Not puffy, not sore where I thought it was sprained - just a little sore.

Yesterday while I was on the elliptical, it started to hurt again.  I got off, elevated my foot and applied a cold bag.

I woke up this morning and coming down the stairs, it kind of clicked like when you crack a knuckle or something (but not as loud, hence why it was a click and not a clack or a crack).

Still not swollen, but it hurts when I stand on it.

Arrgh!

I don't write what date of my journey I am on all the time - Day 147

So if I don't want to look back and count, I use this website:  http://www.convertunits.com/dates/ to do it.  It lists the number of days in between 2 dates as well as mentioning what the number is if you count those days.

Today is Day 147 of my journey and I have officially lost 50 lbs in those 147 days.

I've slowed a bit since we started getting the cold and the snow but I am really excited that I am here at 50 lbs lost since July 23, 2010 and I am proud of myself.

That being said, I still have a LONG way to go!

At least another 53 lbs (if not more)!

According to my calculator, that works out to be a loss of 0.36 lbs per day or 2.52 lbs lost per wk on average.

Another 147 days would take me to May 12, 2011.  If I lose at the same rate, that could see me hit 178 lbs by then which would be 1 day before my former wedding anniversary to v1.0 husband.

By 365 days I could lose an additional 78 lbs from where I am now which would take me to 149 lbs.

I do realize that my weight loss may not continue with the same amount of consistency, but it's really awesome to look at.

When I started this blog, I was keeping it a secret from people I knew in real life because, in all honesty, I was afraid of failing.

I sort of have it in my head that once I've lost 100 lbs - that I will look at merging my other blogs with this one (since this one gets almost all of my attention these days).

Hubs asked me how much weight I want to lose.

I really don't know.

I currently have 175 lbs set as my long-term goal.  But I think I can do better than that.  I was pretty happy with myself when I was 160 lbs, but really - I'm older now.  My body has been changed and damaged from 2 c-sections so -- I don't want to pick a number and say that is the absolute number to hit.

It seems like it would be too much pressure.

Instead, as I hit each shorter term goal, I will assess how I look and feel and then make my decisions at that moment in time.

I've had email about my column on the left side ending at 139 lbs or a 50% total weight loss from my July 23, 2010 weight.

As you can see it does say, "50% = 139 lbs (unlikely but I thought it would be nice to end the list at 50%)"

So I am not going to tear out my hair and curl up in a ball weeping if I don't get there.  It's not currently an actual goal, but I would be OK if that became a realistic goal for me.

Right now the big one will be hitting 199.  And that is 29 lbs away from where I am now.

When I think back to July - I knew I wanted to lose weight and I was worried that having goals might stress me more than help me.

Now I can say that I think having reasonable goals really helped me.

What also helped was not beating myself up if I missed one (for example, I didn't hit my Sept 11th goal weight until Sept 18th) because the dates were (and are) a guideline but the weight is the true goal.

My head is pounding, I am tired, I think the salt craving has passed

Salt craving seems to be gone but it was yet another horrible night's sleep and I have a hell of a migraine this morning!

Around 5 a.m. Baby Girl decided it was time to laugh and squeal for a good bloody hour. I like that better than crying BUT still, I like SLEEPING even more than that.

Hubs wanted me to feed her, but Baby Girl wasn't making the sounds she makes when she wants to feed so I didn't.

I had a night of disjointed and distressing dreams.

:(

The only nice thing was a small drop this morning.

weight: 228.0 lbs

Worked out with the girls last night. It hurt a bit more than usual since we skipped it on Monday to do some more holiday-related shopping.

I'm stuffed up today.

Haven't done any blog reading yet today... will look at that once I post this.

Oh and Hubs is making me watch "It's a Wonderful Life" since I have avoided seeing it every year and he is insisting that I need to see it.

My holiday viewing tends to run more to, "A Christmas Story", "Miracle on 34th Street" and all those Rankin-Bass shows. Sometimes the old Charlie Brown one too (but not the newer one made after Charles Schultz died).

How am I doing it? (Day 146) -- Let's say I'm going through my PACES

Well I posted my most recent pic (in the new outfit) on my FB yesterday and I have received a ton of positive feedback but also variations on the question - "How did you do it?"

Is it naive or odd that it is surprising to me that people are asking me this when I am still 1 lb away from a 50 lbs loss since July 23rd?

So what have been the things that have worked for me so far?

In thinking about this, I even came up with an acronym.  So here we go:

PACES

1. Point-of-View - my mindset is very important and although some days I get down, I try to get myself back in the right headspace.   I am not beating myself up if I have a wonky day, I just try to re-focus as soon as I catch myself.  And although I weigh myself daily, I only update my weight when I have my next loss because it keeps me more motivated when I look at a chart and just see things going down.  I have not gone more than 7 days without a loss since I began to focus on changing me mindset, my health and my life.
2. Accountability - This encompasses a number of things like the fact that my fatsecret.com food log can be logged into by ANYONE, really makes me more aware of what I am eating and the rough calorie count helps keep me mindful.  Another part of accountability is using my digital food scale and measuring spoons and measuring cups.  And making note of the portion sizes on boxes and containers and using them.  In the past, I would eat an ENTIRE BOX of white cheddar mac n' cheese (for example).
3. Choices -  I make a point to make healthier choices than I did in the past although I also choose to not deny myself anything because, in the past, saying "No, you can never have that again" just served to make me obsess and then binge eat.  But allowing myself a small portion of whatever I am craving does work for me when denial did not.  We choose to buy some of our groceries at the local Farmer's Market - especially hormone free meat and pesticide free fruits and vegetables (when in season).
4. Exercise - I am moving more (though it is more of a challenge during a Canadian winter in South Western Ontario).  I bought some hand weights, a floor mat, an 8 lb medicine ball, a larger yoga-type ball and I have an elliptical.  In the nicer weather, I was walking a lot more outside and swimming at my niece's house.  Now I've been working out with two of my friends after trying a boot camp that was not a good fit for me.  And I am still seeing if I can fit a belly dance class around Son's scheduled activities in the new year.
5. Support - I could not have accomplished this without first, the support (although it was begrudging at first) of Hubs and then, secondly, as I told more people, the support of my friends and family that I let in on what I was doing.  And that's not just my real world, in person friends, it includes my blogging friends, my FB friends, my Babycenter friends.  You need to have supportive people, even if it's only one or two at first - especially in the beginning where you are most likely to falter. And having the support of a medical professional is always a great idea during a weight lose plan/healthy lifestyle change!

So there you go, there's how I am summing up what I've done so far and what I will continue to do.

Thanks for listening!

edited to add:

Let's take a look at how much I've changed since I had Baby Girl

This image is was taken April 4, 2010.  I was 286 lbs.

And here's one from the FanExpo in Toronto on Aug 27, 2010 where I was 264 lbs.

And here's the one I posted last night (which was snapped by Hubs last night)... at 229 lbs.

TMI Tuesdays - the TV edition *edited

Mary's blog post made me think of posting about this.

In general, we all know that TV shows don't tend to stay on the air for a very long time.  However, 1G1D1Y is fond of telling me to refrain from liking TV shows that she likes since the shows I like tend to get canceled (in my opinion) before their time.

**pausing to mention that Hubs just walked in to complain about me having MuchMoreMusic on and the video was kind of annoying.  He looks at me and says, "What are you watching? Is that whatshername, Ke$ha?"

I didn't think it was but I was wrong and Hubs was right.  Then I had to mock him for knowing who Ke$ha is since Hubs is 43 and his fav band is, Rush and he hates almost all current music.

And now, back to my previously scheduled post, already in progress.**

So, without further ado, I am going to list a number of the shows that were canceled in 4 seasons or less, that I own on DVD and love, though the first one on the list will be one that fucking NBC has NOT released on DVD and I'm really annoyed about it.

Now, in no particular order (except for #1 of course really irking me since I can't buy it)

Brilliant shows canceled in 4 seasons or less:

1. Journeyman - OMG, I loved this show!  Yet, for some reason, NBC not only canceled it but has not released in on DVD yet (even though they did manage to release the extremely disappointing attempt at re-booting "The Bionic Woman."  WTF?!
2. Tru Calling - the show was really getting interesting with the addition of Jason Priestley to the cast and then, BOOM, Fox originally agreed to a 2nd season, then cut back the number of eps and then, abruptly canned it.  Sorry Eliza, maybe you should have chosen the proposed "Faith" BTVS spin-off instead of this project -- it probably would have had more staying power thanks to carry-over BTVS fans.
3. Dead Like Me - I adored this show, but the lameass movie (which did not involve the brilliant Bryan Fuller) was a steaming pile of shit, imo.
4. Wonderfalls - another amazing creation from the mind of Bryan Fuller, another eclectic show which I loved from the get-go.  Another time that FOX fucked me over by canceling something I loved!
5. Pushing Daisies - (to complete my Bryan Fuller trifecta) the cast was stellar, the colours were vivid, the plot was engaging and interesting.  It was brilliant!
6. Wonder Woman - How could you not adore Lynda Carter?
7. Thundercats - the only cartoon I am going to put on the list - although there were over 60 episodes, they were still considered to be contained within 2 seasons.
8. Dark Angel - When it first started, I thought Max (portrayed by Jessica Alba) was set to be kind of a Faith rip-off since I thought she and Eliza Dushku bore quite a resemblance to one another, but the show hooked me quickly.  While I wasn't a huge fan of the story arc in S2, though the bumped up presence of Jensen Ackles as Alec certainly helped the show,  I did think that James Cameron was going to have something really awesome for S3 if the show had not been canned.
9. V: the original series - Yes, I mean the 80s version!!! Marc Singer in all his open-shirted, tight jeans glory... the 2010 re-launch, as much as I love Morena, does not touch the emotional mood of the original!
10. Kindred:  The Embraced - though this one was canceled due to the tragic death of lead actor, Mark Frankel, who played Julian Luna.  Yes, Jeff Kober was far too pretty back then to be a Nosferatu (imo) but I did really enjoy the show.  Fun fact, the character, Starkweather , who was in one episode was played by actor, Nicky Katt, who played Marc Singer's son in V.
11. Forever Knight - fantastic Canadian vampire show!  Characters with depth and flaws and the highlight was Nigel Bennett's portrayal of LaCroix.  I will say though that when Angel first started, I thought Joss Whedon was ripping off FK a bit.
12. Flight of the Conchords - OMG, I adore this show ("Too many dicks on the dance floor" is probably my fav song from the show) and, for once, it was my soul sister* who hooked me on a show rather than me hooking her on one.
13. Swingtown - this was an interesting show about a couple who moved to a new neighbourhood in their town and became good friends with another couple who were swingers.  Fun show!
14. Freaks & Geeks - just a fantastic show that was canceled too soon.  It took me ages to realize that main actor John Francis Daley (Sam) now appears as Dr. Lance Sweets on "Bones".
15. Roswell-This show was another that I really loved as a whole but felt it went downhill in S3.
16. Invasion-I *still* really wish I knew where this one was going to go if they'd had a second season.
17. Coupling (UK) - OMG, this show was just brilliant, although the last season sorely suffered for the loss of Richard Coyle as the bumbling, bizarre Jeff Murdock.
18. The 4400 - I thought this show was awesome and ended too soon. 
    
19. Black Adder (Black Adder I, II, III & Black Adder Goes Forth) - Rowan Atkinson is fucking brilliant!  He is a comedic genius and Black Adder is FAR more entertaining than Mr. Bean (even though that series seems to be more widely known) also, "House" fans will love seeing Hugh Laurie with his real accent! Black Adder II is my fav of them all!
20. Firefly - Cpt. Tightpants! A Man Called Jane! Firefly is yet another amazing show that was fucked over by Fox.  Hola Browncoats!
    
21. Better off Ted -Hilarious!  And did you notice the Dalek in the basement?
22. Dollhouse - this one really picked up by the S1 ep, "Man on the Street" but it was another time where Fox fucked over Joss Whedon and TV fans.  Man, FOX pisses me off!
23. Greg the Bunny - So freakin' funny! plus, I have mad love for Seth Green.
24. Reaper - I am an unabashed fan of Tyler Labine and Ray Wise makes an AWESOME Devil.
25. Point Pleasant -Daughter of Satan, good vs evil - good times!
26. Torchwood????? - I am not sure if this show is returning or not, but I really didn't care for the way the Children of Earth 5-parter ended. Whereas the end of season 2 ripped my guts out, it was that emotionally charged!
27. Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles - who would've EVER thought that Brian Austin Green could end up so damn sexy???
28. Gravity - I do NOT own this one, but I just found out it was canceled so I am adding it to this list anyway!

 Shows that had 5 or more seasons that I think were canceled too soon:

1. Angel
2. Buffy the Vampire Slayer 
3. Little House on the Prairie (just because I loved it so much - the storylines went downhill well before the end)

Shows that I currently love that haven't been canceled and I hope last longer:

1. Cougartown
2. Fringe
3. How I Met Your Mother
4. Mike & Molly
5. The Vampire Diaries
6. Dexter
7. True Blood
8. Californication
9. Chuck
10. Glee (though I am rapidly falling OUT of love with it this season thanks to forced themes, songs and characterizations)
11. So You Think You Can Dance Canada
12. So You Think You Can Dance (U.S.) - though this was the original, it's gone downhill since I fell in love with it originally.  S2 is still, by far, my favourite and, here's a fun fact, in S2 Heather Morris (Brittany from "Glee") auditioned with her best friend Ben Susak.  he made the Top 20 and she, sadly, did not.

** This post has taken a long time to write so, although I could add more, I will stop here.


 Definition of soul sister:
*soul sister = C.  who has been my friend since September 1986.  We share the same birthday (though I am 3 yrs older) and, her fiancee has the same birthday (different years though) as Hubs!

new outfit - day 144

Don't know if you can see the tag but these are a size 14 (though they are stretchy) and are a pull-on style.









So I thought I'd try on the size 14s from 2006 (which have a zipper).  They still don't fit but I'm closer today than I was when I last posted a pic and tried them on in November.

My stress list and then, to end on a higher note, a NSV!

Horrible night's sleep last night...

Lots of odd, disjointed dreams.

Cranky, cranky Baby Girl and Son has a seal-like cough, is pale and clammy to the touch with a low fever.

So I'm keeping him home today in the hopes of nipping whatever he's got in the bud.

***

I am feeling a bit better re: my missing my Mom breakdown yesterday.

She died Nov 2, 2004.  Terminal bone cancer which had metastasized from her breast.

I did surprisingly well this year on the anniversary of her death but then lately, I've been feeling things building up just from all over.

Stressors like:

• Son's issues with being bullied at school and then getting caught when he retaliates instead of walking away
• Baby Girl's lack of regular sleep during the night
• Hubs and his on-going attempts to find and secure employment
• Dealing with Step-Daughter's mother!!!
• Worrying about my newest great-nephew and on whether or not my niece will choose to (or be allowed to choose) whether or not she will place him for adoption or not (there are other factors involved with this that I won't get into on my blog)
• The death of my friend's dad and subsequent discussions about that sad event really brought back a lot of things about the deaths of both of my parents

But I do not want to end this post on a down note so here is an NSV (only because I'm not sure at which weight I would have first fit into this).

A few Xmases ago, Hubs was looking for a present for me so I found some PJs that I liked.  The PJs were purchased although the size inside the PJs did not match the larger size listed on the hanger.

I had never been able to wear them until I thought to try them on this weekend.

The size inside says 2x but they must be small fitting since my other PJs are now 1x (and I have one pair that are XL that fit).

It's been a bit of a day...

Hubs has been gone since before 9 a.m. (had to drive Step-Daughter home and then he went to some sports card show near TO).

Baby Girl is napping.

Son was making me NUTSO today! I kept asking him (and then telling him) to be quiet because he was really rambuntious and noisy today and I was just too tired and headachey to listen to it.

I put on some movies so he and I could cuddle but he just was super-hyper today.

Now he is out sledding with his friends and their parents, who are in the BFF crew and are also Baby Girl's godparents.

I've been moving furniture all afternoon trying to decide what I wanted to do in the living room since our aforementioned BFFs called and asked if we wanted one of those cabinets that you can put a TV in.

I said yes and then realized that gave me an excuse to try to mess around with the layout in here.

However; the layout of our townhouse is kind of odd (imo) and makes it tricky to deal with.

Anyway, so I did moved a few things (some more than once) before I finally decided what I wanted to do in here and then I decided to dust a couple of things.

*pauses*

*waits for collective gasp of disbelief from my IRL peeps who read this blog*

Yes, that's what I said.

So I dusted off a wine decanter that's also a music box (that plays "How Dry I Am") which is the only memento I have of my late godparents.

Then I dusted off a bell, a photo frame and an angel.

All of those items relate to my late Mom.

The bell always resided in one of her china cabinets when I was a kid - I thought it was a bell that I had bought for her as a gift when I was little but I suspect the one I gave her was broken at some point in time and this is one from somewhere else.

The photo frame has a 5x7 that I took of Mom holding Son (a larger version of the photo was placed atop her coffin during her funeral) and a 5x7 of Son at Mom's grave when he was a little older.

The angel is one of four keepsakes from her coffin. The one we picked out for her funeral had 4 removable angels as keepsakes so each of us has one.

And I just started bawling.

It kind of hit me all over again just how much it sucks that my Mom is gone and that she isn't here, in the physical sense, to see how her favourite "Little Man" is growing up and that Baby Girl is never going to be rocked by her Grandma H. in the rocking chair where all the other grandchildren were rocked at one point in time.

And I haven't cried like this in awhile.

Since the tears started, my nose has been running like crazy and I'm having to still cry quietly because I don't want to wake up Baby Girl but I really feel like just blubbering like a little kid.

And instead of grabbing comfort food - I'm blogging.

A good question

Goodbye Mirror asked me the following question within her reply to my previous blog post:

"...Since you asked a question on my blog, I think I am going to return the favor. :)
How do you blog about something personal (such as weight loss or religion), and try to keep your emotions in check?"


And here is my response (since I thought it was long enough to be used as a new post, even though I still have it as a comment on the previous post but here I corrected my typo - LOL!).

OK and now for the good question...

How do I blog about anything personal and try to keep my emotions in check?

Well, that's a tough one.

Truly.

I realize that putting my thoughts and feelings out here mean that I could get comments or replies that I don't care for or that may well be hurtful.

I try to find the spirit within which the comments or remarks are intended, and if they are meant to be helpful and out of a place of kindness, love and genuine concern, I try to respond in kind and moderate my response and literary "tone" for internet consumption.

Does that make sense?

Whereas, when it is meant in a hurtful way or is indicative of a manner that a person always uses - I equate it to rudeness, a superiority complex, or just someone being (or trying to be) a bully and in that circumstance - I don't care what someone like that thinks because that is not the sort of person/blog/energy that I want around me.

If the words come from someone I cannot respect, then why should those words have meaning to me?

I find it easier to make that separation or distinction when it comes to the internet and find it far more difficult when dealing with people in "the real world" - but does that help explain it?

Thoughts on individual choices

OK, I haven't been awake for very long so we'll see if I can make the thought in my head unfurl itself and grow into a post on my blog.

I know many people, at this time of year, can clash about their spiritual and/or religious beliefs just as I've seen people throughout my weight loss journey (thus far) clash about their method or ideology of weight loss, on whether the best approach is tough love or forgiveness or something in the middle...

I really think the comparable thing about weight loss and religion and/or spirituality (for some people - like myself, consider spirituality and religion to be separate and some see them as the same thing) is that we are ALL each on our own individual journey.

How we perceive and personalize our weight loss methodology can be compared to how we perceive and personalize our relationships with the Powers that Be (however you may choose to name them, He, She, It, Science, Nature, nothingness etc...

I am not here to rail on others about how they choose to lose, though I will respectfully comment out of concern in some cases.

And I am not here to try and enforce my own beliefs, be they about weight loss, Xmas, paganism, or the freakin' Tooth Fairy on others.

I am expressing thoughts and feelings about my own personal journey and on other things that I think and feel.

Some bloggers are very pro something and anti something else, some are blogging about keeping Christ in Christmas, some are blogging about not being into any sort of "holiday spirit", some are participating in various weight loss challenges from various sources, some are doing WW or Atkin's or are like me and just trying to do what seems to fit them best.

Why is there so much strife in the blogging world right now?

Why do sometimes people feel that using the internet gives them the right to be needlessly cruel or superior or just plain bossy?

I link blogs and bloggers and individual posts that make me think.

And I like to think that when I am linked, it happens in the same way.

I do not link blogs, bloggers or individual blog posts for people to mock or judge or humiliate.

Once, fairly early on in the life of this blog (if I recall correctly) I did comment specifically on an issue where a blogger I was reading had pulled things from the blog of a real life friend and made fun of that person.

I then commented on the blog post (where my reply was not posted) and then I also made a blog post here without naming or linking to my friend and without naming or linking to the person who mocked my friend.

So if you are following me or I am following you or both -- know that, that is not how this blogger works and know that I am not judging your religion, your faith, or your method of weight loss.

If I make a comment out of genuine concern or just confusion because I need to learn more about your choices - it will be respectful.

So, in the spirit of this post... I wish all of you the happiest of holiday seasons, no matter what you believe/worship/or abstain from participating in and I wish you all healthy choices and healthy weight changes going forward into the coming year.

Thanks for listening.

Tried to get a nice pic of all of us (potentially for a holiday card)

Crazy-ass salt cravings!

For the past two days, I've really wanted salt or salty things and we've got some sea salt in the house, but when I had some salty food -- I was grossed out by it.

I haven't added salt to any of my food in ages (not even on potatoes) so it's really odd that I am seized by this two-day craving.

And no, I am still without a cycle since I had Baby Girl so it's not period-related though I suppose it could be hormonal...

hmmn

Finally home!

1G1D1Y and I had our naturopath appointments in Toronto today.  And after that, we did a bit of shopping.

Now I am FINALLY home!

And I am all tuckered out.

Baby Girl's mood is much improved now that she's home too (since we brought her with us).

Hubs took Son & Step-Daughter out sledding today.  They also built a snowman and had a snowball fight.

I'm glad they had some fun time while I was out. :)

From my appointment, I need to:

• increase my protein intake to 75 - 90 grams per day or 20% of my daily calories
• increase my iron intake to 100 mg 2x/day either Thorne Ferrasorb (likely to be found at Fiddleheads) or Floradix liquid (probably to be found at Shopper's Drug Mart)
• increase my Herbulk to 2 scoops 2x/day (not to be taken when I take the iron)
• find some green tea that I like (or will tolerate) and have 1 - 2 cups per day

She is happy with my weight loss thus far, she wants me to increase my cardio again (because I've really been slacking off on cardio) and I go back on Jan 8th.

Oh and my waist is now 41.5 so that's a drop. :)