Proof of walking

Of course she took more steps before I got the camera up.

New record is NINE unassisted steps in a row!

Confessions of an almost 39-year-old slacker

It's hard for me to commit to things.  I'm easily distracted and I tend to hide out rather than fight when it comes to things in my own life - because I'd rather stand up for someone else before I stand up for myself.

There are a lot of things going on in my head - some stress related to my life and some related to the lives of those I love.

I know that's natural but it's still hard to deal with.  I am hoping that Hubs continues to enjoy and do well at the new job (it's been a week and a bit now) so that we will eventually qualify for benefits because I am thinking it would be good and healthy for me to get back into therapy.

As of now, I am not sure what coverage we'll have  but I believe it's psychologists only that are covered (Hubs borrowed another employee's handbook to peruse for a day because he hasn't received the info on benefits yet).

I've been considering Cognitive Behavioural Therapy - but I'll have to see if I can find someone that our benefits will cover, when that time comes.

This wk I've really made an effort to re-motivate myself and get back on track.




BUT even though I will not hit my 178 lb goal by my 1 year date of July 23rd, I can still make a dent in this and start getting the scale to work with me in the direction that I want.

I drop off the heart monitor on July 4th and I meet with the cardiologist again on July 12th and hopefully they will put my fears to rest so I can get back to the activity level I was doing before without worrying that I'm going drop dead.


Another thought I had was that I think my general life stress was making the chest pain and breathing issues worse because even when the monitor has gone off, it hasn't been as intense as it was before and the only real change since then is that Hubs started his job.

time is wonky re: receiving a phone call

my "getting serious" expression

hmmn

Got up and got dressed for the track and then I double-checked the closure schedule and it's closed today :(

Guess I'll do some Wii Fit after I drop Little Man at school.  Today, tomorrow and then school's out for Little Man and Rhyme Girl.

We pick up Rhyme Girl on Sunday and she goes back July 16th.

I do have to go pop Hubs' pay cheque in the bank since they don't have direct deposit.  Luckily there is a new bank with a drive-thru bank machine so I don't have to unload Baby Girl just to do some quick banking.

Totally unrelated to anything -- I hate the cover of "I wanna dance with somebody" performed by These Kids Have Crowns.

I've been having an issue with the damn heart monitor... because it's been hot - when I get active, the one nodule or whatever you call the damn thing that is positioned closest to my left breast loosens because of sweat or gets unhooked because I cannot exercise without some form of support.

It's really irritating!

And it makes me worry that I am not getting accurate results.  I wish they'd given me the monitor earlier when it wasn't as hot out because then I'd have been sweating less at least.

Hope everyone else is well!

And here's a pic of our cat that I snapped yesterday...

Baby Girl had her 15-month appointment this afternoon

Her weight is 21.78 lbs
Her height/length is 30.75 inches

According to a baby growth percentile calculator that means for her age that she is:


Length = between percentile 50 and 75
Weight = between percentile 25 and 50


She fell asleep in the car afterwards (she had her Pneumoccal conjugate vaccination but we declined the chicken pox vaccine).

Since she was asleep - we went for a drive though the less populated areas nearby and saw a turtle (which I stopped and took a photo of).

Then she and Little Man played outside and she had her first independent ride on the teeter-totter (Little Man was on the other side) but Baby Girl held on all by herself!

Her next appt at the DR is Tues., Sept 27th at 10:30 a.m.

In other news, Little Man got his report card.  He is advancing to Grade 4 in September.

His highest grades were in French (A in writing, A - in oral communication & B+ in reading) compared to his English grades (C+ in writing, B- in oral communication & B in reading) and that C+ was the lowest grade that he received.

The deal we have with the kids is that they get $2 for each A (whether or not it's an A+, an A- or a regular A) and $1 for each B so he's got a $21 dollar report card.

And earlier today, I did my 5k at the track with Baby Girl and I edited this post at 8:07 p.m. to list my steps for the day -- 9738 steps.

Yesterday

So pissed off at SYTYCD U.S.

Yeah I am irked to the extreme...

If you watch the show, you'll know that my 2 favourite dancers were sent home, plus another couple that I really enjoyed.

Why?

Because of executive producer meddling bullshit.

The Top 20 performance show, there were some weak performances.  America voted and there were 3 couples in the bottom 3 plus one dancer (Mitchell) who was injured and had not been able to perform.

For some ridiculous reason, Nigel decided that NO ONE would go home that week.  Which, essentially him giving America the finger (or the bird) and then he stated that because of the non-decision that 4 people would go home after this week's show.

This week - they still only had the bottom 3 couples (many fans expected to see a bottom 4 of couples) and they were based solely on this week's votes rather than cumulatively (which many fans thought would be most fair - add up the votes from wk 1 and wk 2 and pick the bottom couples from THAT).

The bottom 3 couples were Ryan/Ricky, Nick/Iveta and Missy/Wadi.

Ryan had an atrocious solo - has been inappropriately smiling during her performances and has no chemistry with her partner.  She is also one of MANY contemporary dancing females in this season's show.

Ricky did a great solo, but so did Nick and Ricky is one of a sea of contemporary dancing males.

But, Ryan and Ricky are the ones who stayed.

I Tweeted a lot about it.

I posted on TWOP about it - multiple times.

But I thought I summed it up well with this post:

This is worse than Blake not making Top 4 in S1.
This is worse than Stanislav's early ouster in S2.
This is worse than Mischa Chan staying over Anya; Pasha not making Top 4, Lacey going out 4th and Sabra WINNING S3.
This is worse than Mark not making Top 4 and Katie not winning S4.
This is worse than Janette not making Top 4 in S5.

(Season 6 was the first season where I really started caring less about the show because I wasn't as excited or engaged with the contestants etc...)

This is on par with me - as a fan- as bad as when Alex Wong was eliminated due to injury in Season 7 re: show enjoyment.

This is as bad as Vincent and Lisa not making Top 4 in SYTYCD Canada S1
(I had no major complaints about SYTYCD Canada s2)
This is as bad as Hani's ridiculous early ouster in SYTYCD Canada S3.

Fuck you, Nigel.

You are going to make me HATE contemporary dancers because of over-exposure.

What the FUCK!?!!?!??!!?!??!

I will note that I also forgot to mention in S3 when Jesus was sent home far to early in my opinion as well...

My thought was that all the people who are pissed off should boycott the show next wk.

The ratings have gone downhill over the seasons and I attribute that to:

1. Nigel's machinations each season 
2. The fact that the show is VERY contemporary heavy re: contestants
3. Favoritism and nepotism that goes unacknowledged by the show

I'm just glad I have a new season of SYTYCD Canada to watch!

I found my missing pedometer!

OK you may recall that I lost my pedometer awhile ago and I was really upset about it.  Well, Baby Girl grabbed the TV remote the other day and dropped it.  The battery backing popped off and it and a battery slid (or rolled as the case may be) under the couch.

So I dragged the couch out and underneath it, back at the wall was my missing pedometer.

This morning after I dropped Little Man off at school, I went straight to the rec centre with Baby Girl to do some walking.

I checked on my last lap and my speed was 3.71 miles/hr.  And I just checked now and I've walked 2.81 miles so far.

I popped Baby Girl into the playpen when I got home so I could go snag a shower because I had major under-boob sweat.  EMBARRASSING amounts of it.  So, of course I had to stretch out my shirt and take a pic in the bathroom mirror to show everyone...

Here it is:

My daily steps just before I got into the shower after the track.

Now, as I stripped down for the shower - I realized that the heart monitor had become partially unhooked - I have no idea how long that happened but the one is in an awkward spot (and needs to be) to be close to my heart and it just snagged by my bras and such.

Grr Arrgh!

Nice thing about heading out to the track this morning was that when I was on lap 5 or 6 I saw my friend, S. So she joined me and we had a really good paced walk the entire time plus good conversation.

I really like her and the more I talk to her, the more I like about her because she's a shoot-from-the hip kind of person. And I like, respect and identify with that sort of thing so it's cool.

I was going to write some more but a phone call derailed my thought process so here's a couple of pics of my kidlets.

This could be interesting

My beloved soul sister C. sent me an email from NZ last night:

"Hello my dear friend,

_____ and I have a special question to ask of you. We would be honoured if you would read a psalm or poem for us during the wedding ceremony at the church. Please consider this and let me know by tomorrow, if you can. Love you lots!"

My reply was: "What poem would you like me to read?


:>

xo"

This morning I got back:  "Well, that's a good question!  It could be something you have written (goodness knows i love your writing- and you have a lot of it!)   or it could be a Psalms about Love is Patient, Love is kind... I have also asked my brother to read something, as well as ______'s godmother. I don't know how many Psalms are nice enough to read, so I thought a personal poem might be nice too.  Does that help?"

So I think that Ellen would appreciate this one... it's ideal for a comfort zone challenge!

#1 - I either need to write a suitable poem or find one by someone famous.
#2 - I will read it, in a church, in front of X amount of people with my only knowing a handful of them.

Wow.

But Soul Sister C. and I have been friends since a month before she turned 11 and I turned 14.

She and I have the same birthday and, awesomely enough, her fiancee S. and Hubs have the same birthday as each other.  (Though I am older than she is and Hubs is way older than S. is).

Little Man with C and her fiance, S.

When I married Hv1.0 - C. was living in Mexico so I did not ask her to be in my wedding because I didn't think she'd even be able to attend.  To my surprise and delight - she made it to my wedding!

Of course, considering how things worked out over all, it's probably just as well that she wasn't in my bridal party.

When she and S. finally got engaged, I wasn't sure if I would be asked to be a part of the day beyond attending because she has a LOT of friends and many of them are in the same stage of life as she is whereas I'm well into my parenting years, so to speak.

Because of what my weight was and how bad my anxiety was - I felt that if she had asked last year that I would not have been able to do it.

Then I started getting healthier, and I started to wish that she would've asked me, even if she'd figured that I'd have said no - I wished to have the right of first refusal, so to speak.

Little Man just leaned over my shoulder to ask if I blogged about the fact that it's a kid-free wedding (he likes weddings and is peeved that he doesn't get to attend).

So now, I need to come up with something awesome for her special day.

But, you'll see that I have not written any poetry in awhile.

Hmmn...

Watermelon in a smoothie?

So I was looking around for something to toss in my smoothie today because my raspberry/blueberry based one is getting a bit boring.

Decided that I should toss in the leftover watermelon because I didn't want to eat it.

Well, it perked it up and gave it a more interesting taste.

Will I try this again?

Yes.

Also - I do like the Liberte Vanilla Greek Yogurt.

Oddly enough though - the nutritional info on the website does NOT matach what is on the container in my hand.

The one in hand says:

per 175 g

Calories: 140
Fat 0 g
Saturated 0 g
Trans 0 g
Cholesterol 0 mg
Sodium 65 mg ----- 3%
Carbs 19 g ----- 6%
Fiber 1 g ----- 5%
Sugars 16 g
Protein 16 g

Calcium 15 %


The PC non-flavoured greek yogurt tasted kind of like sour cream but not as tasty whereas this one tastes more like a "normal" yogurt.

technical difficulties

Having some issues with our satellite tv though.

I called Bell yesterday because some of our channels weren't coming in.

I called back this morning with the same issue and they are supposed to send a tech out between 9:30 and 12:30 today and the technician call will be free of charge.

I actually went through our channel list and I checked our subscribed channels (not the PPV ones though) to see how many aren't coming in.

Here is the list:

• 201
• 203
• 205
• 206
• 208
• 210
• 211
• 216
• 217
• 229
• 236
• 239
• 241
• 243
• 244
• 245
• 246
• 249
• 251
• 256
• 259
• 268
• 271
• 273
• 287
• 288
• 289
• 292
• 293
• 294
• 297
• 298
• 301
• 303
• 304
• 306
• 314
• 315
• 405
• 407
• 409
• 411
• 413
• 415
• 423
• 503
• 507
• 510
• 523
• 525
• 526
• 549
• 551
• 571
• 601
• 602
• 608
• 616
• 619
• 620
• 626
• 627
• 628
• 635
• 639
• 641
• 652

Good morning

So I woke up this morning (after wearing the monitor all night) and, low and behold, there were 2 recorded events.

When I went to bed, I had not recorded any so that means it did the automatic recording that I was told about OR that I somehow activated it myself, in my sleep, 2x.

I sent my recording in though the system never prompted me to identify myself, so I did that briefly in the part where you were supposed to describe what you were doing when the event occurred.

I am feeling rather freaked out that it recorded two events when I was asleep - especially since I didn't hear the beeping that indicates that it's recording.

Though I did have a very sound sleep last night compared to my average.

another update

So I get to wear this for two weeks and I had to by a corded phone so when I record heart events - I can send them through the toll-free number service. But it can only be done with a corded phone.

Bought one at Walmart for 11 and change after taxes.

I feel cranky so here is a cute pic of Baby Girl.

Update

Just home from walking Little Man to school and then walking back with Baby Girl in the stroller.

Father's Day went OK yesterday... Little Man was with Hv1.0 but when Little Man got home on Sunday he gave Hubs the present that he made for him at school.

Took Hubs out for wings & it was Baby Girl's first time on a patio

Went out to my parents' grave to pay respects

Little Man with his gift & letter

What the letter says.

Thursday, June 16, 2011
Dear Dad,

Thank you for letting me do what I want to do.
You're so smart because you know math.
I remember when you first met me and my Mom when I was 4.
I hope you do good in your job.
I will always play with you.

Hubs is at his first day at the new job today and I hope it goes really well!

At 11:30 a.m. I will be at the cardiologist getting fitted with that event monitor I've previously mentioned.

Here's hoping it's not too complicated.

Have a great day!

Monday is the big day

Yep, Hubs starts his job and I go see the cardiologist to get fitted for my event monitor.

I'm really stressing over the whole heart thing (yes, counter-productive as it may be) but I do hope that it all gets sorted and that it will turn out that I'm fine and that there's no real reason for concern.

Tomorrow is Father's Day and that always leaves me with mixed feelings... missing my Dad, but glad that Hubs has one of the kids home with us tomorrow (Baby Girl) and I read the little note that Little Man wrote to Hubs and I thought it was really sweet -- especially since he usually does his school Father's Day things for his Daddy rather than for Hubs (who he calls Dad).

Rhyme Girl has plans for what she wants us to make for Hubs the next wkend that she's with us...

*sigh*

But right now I'm too wrapped up in feeling stressed, having a really lousy period (not that I can say I've ever had a good one) and feeling like I need more out of life but I'm not sure what yet...

TV Talk - SYTYCD U.S. Season 8

Check out this Twitter bit between myself and Nick...

FatAngryBlog
is looking fwd to tonight's ep of #SYTYCD! Can't wait to see who @D8Nick, @D8Iveta, @D8Marko and @D8Melanie are partnered with!
13 hours ago

in reply to ↑
Nick Young
@FatAngryBlog not too long before you find out!!
10 hours ago via web

OK so I was thrilled that my 4 faves were paired together!

My Top 3 fav routines were:

Marko & Melanie statue contemporary ala Travis


Nick & Iveta Quickstep (of doom) ala Jason


Missy & Wadi sexy Pandora's box jazz from Sean Cheeseman

I thought that Tadd out-danced bday girl Jordan and there was just something about how she held and moved her arms for much of the piece that seemed "off" to the dramatic and emotional feel of the routine.

Sasha out-danced and out-performed the hell out of Alexander but I'd forgotten about their routine by the end of the show.

Clarice and Jess got saddled with some lame Tyce Broadway and I found it lackluster at best though 95% of that is on Tyce.  Jess out-danced Clarice.

Ricky & Ryan - lyrical hip-hop?  I can understand it if it were NappyTabs but we know Chris Scott can challenge dancers far more than that... and I HATED that Ryan was grinning throughout the routine.  I was also bored.  And I think Ricky out-danced Ryan but I'm not sure because like I say, I was bored.

Caitlynn & stand-in Robert (since Mitchell was injured) - did anyone else think he got hurt during that bit where she kind of rolled across Mitchell's back in rehearsal?    I thought this one was pretty good but my eyes kept going to Robert.  Sorry Caitlynn.

WOO Guy Robert & Miranda - I'm sorry but there was a lot of sloppy footwork in this Jive and the partnership wasn't jelling well (I thought) plus Robert - stop with the Erkel thing and remember that Twitch did the glasses thing already and with more charm - lose the schtick please.

Missy & Wadi - my first real thrills of the night -- excellent routine, I could feel the connectedness of their partnership and I thought they did an excellent job with a great song and choreographer!

Melanie & Marko - 2 of my 4 favourites, paired together, dancing my favourite style... Travis did a fabulous job with this piece and M&M danced the living hell out of it... my first goosebumps of the season and just such strength and partnering and FEELING!!! Love love love love!

Ashley & Chris - good song, cute idea but it came across rather juvenile by comparison to many of the other performances.  Too cutesy and not enough real emotion came through to me as a viewer, despite what the dancers said in the rehearsal footage.

Nick & Iveta - OK, my other 2 favourite dancers, paired together in the pimp spot of the night -- awesome so far... then, why did "ballroom" become the dreaded Quickstep???  That being said, it was a damn good, fast and entertaining quickstep - though I was hoping they'd have gotten something sexier rather than fun but I loved! 

Here's hoping America did because, as a Canuck, I can't vote.

One of those days

I'm having one of those days where I am reflecting on my past and, more specifically, my interpersonal relationships.

I was thinking about this on the weekend actually. And it all started because I was thinking about weddings.

This is a photo of my wedding party when I married Little Man's father in May 2001. I was 200 lbs which was, at that point in my life, the highest weight I had ever been as I had gained 40 lbs shortly after trying Depo-Provera for birth control.

Now, Husband V1.0 and I are quite obviously a thing of the past. The Maid of Honour was my oldest niece and the Best Man was HV1.0's brother.

Rounding out the bridal party on my side were my ex-best friend (the one who has since been diagnosed bi-polar and has been arrested multiple times for assaulting his on-again-off-again gf/common-law wife as well as assaulting and threatening his own mother and one of my (then) inner circle friends who was also an ex-lover of mine. He and I have not been close pretty much since he became very gung-ho for Primerica.

On HV1.0's side were the (then) fiancee of my ex-best friend (she's been happily married for a few yrs to someone else and is a great Mom as well) and the ex-gf of my Primerica zombified friend (they broke up shortly before the wedding) and she is also quite happily married now to someone else and is working on babies 2 and 3 :>

So it's like the wedding party of failed relationships.

But most of us are much happier now.

• Hubs and I have been together since 2007
• Hv1.0 has been with his fiancee since 2006
• My niece and her hubby (who was her date at the wedding and fairly recent bf at that time) have 2 great kids with 1 on the way in July
• The gorgeous curly-haired one & her hubby (1st bf after my crazy ex-best friend) have a beautiful child
• The equally gorgeous, long-haired one & her hubby, like I mentioned have one lovely child with twins on the way

3 of the members of the wedding party do not seem (from my outsider's perspective) as happy

• ex-BIL has had an on-again-off-again relationship with his wife with whom he has 2 adorable children
• ex-best friend has had some stints in jail, some time (possibly currently for all I know) on probation and some time in the care of mental health professionals (with armed guards according to his mother) and has had sporadic contact with his gorgeous child
• Primerica drone, last I heard, was still single (after many years) and had driven away a number of his other former close friends for a variety of reasons and was having other life difficulties

So what did I learn from this?

Sometimes relationships HAVE to end to get us to a new point, direction, person, SOMETHING in our lives.

Do I mourn my relationship with HV1.0 -- NOPE!

But I do miss the relationship I had with my ex-best friend.  He was there for me so much when Hv1.0 and I split up.

Were there ever any warning signs about him??  YES.  He had a bad temper and once he really verbally abused the gf he had when I first became friends with him.  S-girl and I called him out on it and he was very apologetic.

He had mood swings... very social/hyper and very introverted/depressed -- but we figured it was because of his artistic nature.

Once he got mad at his (then) fiancee and he punched her in the stomach after she'd playfully poked him in the gut.  Hv1.0 and I laid into him about it.  He blamed the instant response as his military training coming out and insisted it was because she'd hurt him first.

Once they split up -- I didn't see that behaviour.  Though he once got into a fight at a PIzza Pizza with a guy the girl he was sleeping with used to date.

Then he ended up getting obsessed with this girl that I just did not like.  She was a vortex of bad vibes and was a self-admitted drug user.  She was also big on "play-fighting" and she'd instigate and instigate and then cry foul when my friend would retaliate. 

At that point, he'd let her do a lot before he's respond.

But the two of them together were just so bad for one another on so many levels.  There was violence and drugs and a hell of a lot of lying.

I have no idea what status their dysfunctional relationship is at now and I don't care.

I do miss the friend that I thought I had.

But I do wonder if he ever really existed or if he just destroyed that part of himself with all his harmful choices?

I know that many people would look at my life... at our financial/employment-related difficulties, at my weight and mental health issues, at Hubs issues with depression and (possibly) Adult ADHD, and with Little Man having autism and Rhyme Girl having ADHD and say - hey it sucks to be them.

To that I say... I have close relationships with people that I love and who love me in return.  Overall, I am happy.

And I think that means a LOT!

Now - after all this -- let me end on a high note...

Super-cute pic I snapped of Baby Girl yesterday:

GOOD NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry I didn't post sooner but we were busy with the kids this wkend...

HE STARTS ON THE 20th!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We are very excited about this... the pay could be better but if he proves himself - he'll get a raise.  And it's here in town -- which is much better than the temp work he did for over a week which he STILL hasn't been paid for because they withhold the first 2 wks and he apparently started *during* a pay week so he won't get paid for that job until possibly this Friday (aka WAYYYYY after he did the work).  That will be the last time he does anything for PIC!

On Thursday, Son aka Little Man completed EQAO testing at his school and then we picked him up early to drive out of town to pick up Step-Daughter aka Rhyme Girl.  We spent some time with Hubs' parents and then on the way home stopped in Newcastle at this small rocky beach and took some photos.

 

 

On Saturday I attended a family wedding shower and discovered that a recent pregnancy-related dream was accurate and that I am going to be a great-Aunt AGAIN in Jan 2012.

Right now I have a great-nephew and a great-niece with one of unknown gender on the way (due in July) via my oldest niece. BTW, I think she's having a girl.

I have one great-nephew, who is involved with the foster care system, via my next-to-youngest niece so I have never met him.

And I now have a great niece or nephew to be via my oldest nephew and his fiancee :>

BTW - these ones are all via my adoptive family. I do have much younger nephews and a niece via my half-brother.

Also emailed soul sister C. because I had a pregnancy dream about her too.

We'll see if anything comes of that one.

Keep the good vibes coming!!!

The hiring decision for the job Hubs interviewed for last week should be made by Friday and when Hubs called to follow up, he was told that he'd be informed either way.

When I was a retail store manager, I would only tell the best candidates that I would let them know either way and the others, I would thank for coming in and inform them that I'd be making my decision by a certain date.

I *really* hope he gets this job. 

Now, onto cuteness...

Baby Girl loves Lady Gaga - I also have her dancing to Britney but that's not uploaded yet...

Something strange with the comment add-on feature I have on my blog

I got a notification that I had comments to moderate... Um what now?

There were some from over a month ago.

WTF?

I won an award :>

The lovely Katie J from Katie J is on her way gave me an award...

The rules for the blog award are as follows:

• Thank the blogger that gave it to you
• Post 10 things you don't know about me
• Pass it on...

So thank you, Katie! :>

Hmmn 10 things?

1. My sex drive has dropped considerably since I had Baby Girl.  Hubs and I get lucky maybe 2x a week now on average whereas it used to be 4 - 6x per wk.
2. When I get to a weight I am happy with - I want to look into a slight breast reduction (if it's covered by health care) if I am still a D-cup or larger.
3. Currently I am an "E" cup.
4. I hate soda fountain pop because it's always watered down and gross.
5. I've been reading a lot of Nora Roberts novels lately.
6. I get Hubs to scratch my back almost every night before we go to sleep.
7. I find it disconcerting changing Baby Girl's diapers - I think changing Son's diapers were easier.
8. I have 3 weddings to attend this year.  I think I know what I am wearing to two of them.
9. I was more excited when I saw an ad for the upcoming season of "So You Think You Can Dance Canada" than I was during "So You Think You Can Dance"'s current season.
10. I think I look pretty today.

Now as for passing it on...  I need to think on that a bit more.  I'll edit this post later and then notify the bloggers I am going to pass the award on to.

OK so I've been lax -- so if it's been awhile since you've received an award - please award YOURSELF with this one and then post a reply and tell me or email me :>

Thanks!

Giving Advice

I received an email this morning - though I will not reveal the name of the person who sent it...

On 3 June 2011 07:09, *somebody* wrote:

Hi FatAngryBlog,

I visited your blog and saw that you are into dieting/fitness. I think I've reached the lowest point in my life, so I really need your advice....

I've been struggling to lose weight ever since I graduated from college. I've tried diets, exercising, fasting... My problem is that I have literally no motivation and discipline.

I'm ___ years old, and *private information removed*. I feel like such a loser for being undesirable to men, and for gaining so much weight since college... some days, i just ask myself what's the point of it all? Even if I lost all this weight, I'll still look ugly and flabby =(

Do you have any advice you can give me on motivating myself to eat less and exercise more? It's such a vicious cycle.. I'd try and go on a diet, and be discouraged and end up eating junk food to comfort myself...

I hope you can be of some help - I really need it at this point. God Bless~~~~

Take care,
*somebody*

Here's the reply I sent (how do you think I did with it?):

Hi *Somebody*,

You know - it's really hard to say what will really motivate you. For me it was a sense of hitting rock bottom, of feeling like a failure and being worried that I wouldn't end up being alive to be here for my kids as they got older that finally got me into a healthier state of mind.

I know what it's like to have no motivation, discipline and willpower. I really do!

If it's that much of a struggle and you may or may not be sure if you've hit rock bottom where you will make a bunch of changes then I'd suggest trying SMALL, manageable changes.

Like, making sure you eat something on the healthy side within 30 minutes of getting up in the morning to help start your metabolism.

Or reducing your portion sizes at meals (without changing or adjusting what you are eating yet).

Or by increasing your daily activity (even if it's walking) by 5 - 10 minutes each day.

Those are just a few ideas.

Once you stick to a new change or alteration for a week, then work on that one a little more and/or add in a new change.

Does that make sense?

And hey, I'm going to be 39 this year -- so you have a *age revealing info removed* year head start on me ;>

Also - for me -- I CANNOT deny myself the food I like because then I crave it SOOO badly that I will end up purging.

For example -- If I have a craving for chocolate -- I'll have chocolate but instead of a regular sized chocolate bar, I'll share that chocolate bar with Hubs or a friend or the kids so I am only eating 1/3 of what I would have had.

It satisfies the craving without getting out of control.

I hope this helps!

Also - if you have a good relationship with your family DR - that's a plus. And/or if you can afford to consult with a nutritionist and a naturopath -- that can also be helpful.

But before you make any changes -- make sure you consult with a professional. Remember, I'm just a SAHM who still has weight to lose -- so make sure the choices and changes you make are safe and advisable for you.

Have a great day and good luck!

And start a blog (if you haven't already) because it really helps.


Cara-Mae


Then I wrote one more...


Just a P.S.

It might not be that you are unattractive to men... that might be a self-perpetuating reality that you could be creating with your attitude and energy.

Yes, some people (male and female) can be really superficial but all men have a type and maybe the men who would like you aren't getting the chance to meet you because, perhaps, you aren't as social as you could be because of how your weight is adversely impacting upon your self-esteem and self-image.

People always say that people can't love us until we truly love ourselves and that can be a real challenge when we are unhappy with some aspect of our physical self and/or some aspect of our life.

Hope that made sense to you.

cara

Inspired by others

OK I just read a fantastic post by JP.

Why did I love it?  Because, as you all know - I take a LOT of photos but most of the ones of myself are face shots snapped by yours truly because #1 - I am the best person with a camera in the house and #2 - I think I look better from the breasts and UP rather than the lower parts of me.

I am dressed very casually today but Hubs complimented me on how I look.

All I see are my stomach and thighs, that my face is devoid of any makeup and that I need another haircut.

But - here's a pic of me that Hubs just took:

And now for two cute ones of Baby Girl:

Today

Yesterday - managed to keep the hat on her head for the pic!

Speaking of Baby Girl - she had a baby carrot this morning (I grated it with the cheese grater) and that went over better than the cooked carrots re: enthusiasm while eating.

Hubs has his interview in just under 3 hrs... I really, REALLY want him to kick ass at the interview and get the job.

It's 8-5 from Mon - Fri.

That's ideal re: the kid weekends and it's right across the street from Son's Kung Fu Academy.

*CROSSES FINGERS* and *SENDS GOOD VIBES*

Send good vibes for Hubs tomorrow!

Hubs has a job interview tomorrow afternoon - actually in 20.5 hrs from now.

Please send good vibes.

And speaking of good vibes -- I took my birth Mom to her mammogram appointment today and she had a bone density scan on Monday. 

It's all part of following up on her since her mastectomy almost 12 years ago -- but because of what happened with my Mom H. -- it still freaks me out.