So today we went to Son's Kung Fu awards/holiday party.
Before we left the house, I was feeling pretty good about myself... I thought I looked pretty and that my outfit was flattering and I didn't know if any of the parents we are close to were going to be attending (they actually did not attend) but I felt OK confidence-wise for being around people I don't know.
Well we got there and of course, there is a wall of mirrors in there which is handy during the classes but it hit me like a punch in the gut.
I have lost all this weight and I was still the heaviest woman there!!!
Seeing all the "normal-sized" woman and the really fit women and then the teen girls made me feel ashamed of myself.
Ashamed of how big I still am and how unhealthy I let myself become.
I had that moment of shame, and actually was afraid that I was going to burst into tears.
BUT
I told Hubs how I was feeling... I took a deep breath and then I remembered how I felt in that same place during the Halloween party of 2009 when I was pregnant.
I even thought about how I felt in that same place during Son's last couple of gradings.
I look SO MUCH BETTER than I did before and I reminded myself that I didn't have to compare myself to anyone else... and I reminded myself to BE PROUD of everything I've done so far.
"I'm fat as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore!" -- this was my original summary of Fat, Angry Blog. Between July 23, 2010 & April 2, 2011 I went from 278 lbs to 204.2 lbs. BUT here I am near the end of July 2012 at 255 lbs... *SIGH* I've got to stick with it this time!
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Be proud of the way you look and you have come a long way. Have a great weekend.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Debbie! You have SO much to be proud of and you have come SO very far. I'm glad you were able to turn that bad feeling around into a smile. :)
ReplyDeleteYou are an incredible inspiration. I totally get the feelings you're going through. It's going to take me a while to work through things like that. I always feel like I want to hide.
ReplyDeleteFor what it's worth, I think you look FAB and you're only getting better! You are a wonderful person inside and out!
Colleen
Goodbye, Fat Girl!
Good for you. Be proud. I totally understand the feeling. I just love seeing myself in pictures with my slim friends (oh, yeah). I feel the shame. Perhaps we can turn that shame into something positive. Something to project us further down the road to healthy.
ReplyDeleteIt's difficult to muster that self-pride sometimes. Good for you for finding it. You've done remarkable things and people are probably incredibly impressed,if anything :)
ReplyDeleteGood job in focusing on the positive. I totally get what you are saying--I live in the land of the Stepford wives where everyone at school is thin as a rail, blond, beautiful and rich--I always feel like a blob.
ReplyDeleteYou HAVE done a great job and will continue to do so!:-)