It's a Pepsi day

I always toast in my Mom's memory on her birthday, on Mother's Day and on the anniversary of her death.

It was a Tuesday, like today, and I had spent the night at her bedside. Two of my siblings were staying at the hospital that night as well, because we had known the end was near since just before Halloween.

Her body was shutting down and had been ravaged by cancer.

The night before, she'd eaten a large supper (more than she had in a month) and eagerly consumed her favourite pop, Pepsi.

The last words my mother spoke, that could be understood were, "I'll never say no to a Pepsi."

It was hard for everyone.

I often think it was hardest on me because, as the much younger and adopted child - I only had 32 years with my Mom (and a mere 20 with my Dad) but I had my parents when they were older and mellower.

The parents I had were not quite the same as they were for my much older siblings so there was a disparity there, in sharing memories, because the images of our Mom came together in some circumstances but were quite different in others.

Son wasn't even 3 yet when she passed. But she adored him.

So I have a can of Pepsi in my fridge, and when Son gets home from school - Hubs and I will pour the can into three glasses (Son's will have the least since I rarely give him pop) and we will have a toast to my mother's memory.

I wish she could have met Hubs.

I know she would be over the moon about how Son is growing up and she'd be so tickled about Baby Girl...

She wasn't a very emotional person or an affectionate one with us kids but her grandchildren always got the best of who she was and who she could have been.

And I miss her.

She would be shocked that I've been going to boot camp. And she'd be pleased that I've been losing weight but she'd tell me to be cautious and to not get my hopes up and to not be too ambitious about getting in shape.

But my journey is not for my late Mom - it's for me, it's for my kids, it's for Hubs it's for my LIFE.