Confessions

When I am stressed, anxious and/or depressed I have a history of doing "unhealthy" things.

In the past I used to drink a LOT. In high school, back when I would lightly cut the inside of my thighs (which I don't do anymore) or pull out my hair (which I still do) or bite my nails until I drew blood (which I still do) I also drank quite a bit of alcohol.

I used to have a bottle of Tia Maria hidden in my bedroom. I used to take shots until I felt like I could fall asleep at night.

At its worst - my insomnia allowed me 2 - 3 hrs of sleep per night.

At my worst - I was single but sleeping with 3 different guys in the same time frame and considering others.

At my worst - I drank so much that I blacked out and had to be talked off a balcony after revealing some of my deepest, darkest secrets of what I survived as a child.

At my worst - I actually tried to cultivate an eating disorder because I thought that was the only way to gain some control of my life but I hated trying to make myself throw up.



At my best - I sleep 6 -7 hrs a night.

At my best - I am faithful and committed to my romantic partner (Hubs).

At my best - I consume alcohol in moderation. 0 - 4 alcoholic beverages in a month.

At my best - I try to eat in moderation and make healthier choices without cultivating a sense of denial or a feeling of being deprived.

I've decided that fatsecret seems a better site for charting my food.
Here's a cut'n'paste of what I ate yesterday:

date: Today - 07/29/10Tomorrow - 07/30/10Yesterday - 07/28/101 week ago - 07/22/10Other...	Total Calories: 2088
This is some of what I ate This is exactly what I ate	RDI(%) Sod(mg) Fat(g) Carbs(g) Prot(g) KCals 87 2408 93.79 210.45 91.23 2088

Breakfast 11 140 5.00 48.00 18.00 270

1 serving starbucks chocolate banana 11 140 5.00 48.00 18.00 270

Add Item Choose from My Recent Breakfast Items: chocolate hazelnut spread bottled water Add Multiple Items... Or Find a Food: or New Item or Cancel + add new food: searching...

Lunch 16 913 17.85 42.88 17.68 392

1 slice lifestyle, lean, turkey breast 1 213 0.35 0.88 3.58 22

1 serving spreadable omega 3 butter with canola oil 3 75 8.00 - 0.10 70

2 servings Twelve Grain Bread 10 320 5.00 40.00 10.00 240

1 serving Velveeta cheese slice 3 300 4.50 2.00 4.00 60

1 cup Water - 5 - - - -

Add Item Choose from My Recent Lunch Items: Add Multiple Items... Or Find a Food: or New Item or Cancel + add new food: searching...

Dinner 27 744 32.93 15.30 43.20 647

2 patties Ground Beef (70% Lean / 30% Fat, Patty, Cooked, Pan-Broiled) 15 142 23.93 - 35.20 367

1 serving Rickard's Red beer 7 - - 11.30 - 160

2 servings velveeta cheese slice 5 600 9.00 4.00 8.00 120

1/2 cup water - 2 - - - -

Add Item Choose from My Recent Dinner Items: Add Multiple Items... Or Find a Food: or New Item or Cancel + add new food: searching...

Snacks / Other 32 611 38.01 104.27 12.35 779

1 serving barq's root beer 7 70 - 45.00 - 160

1 serving crispy minis ketchup flavour 4 190 3.00 14.00 1.00 90

0.67 serving milk chocolate bunny 6 20 8.71 15.41 2.01 147

1 serving skippy peanut butter 8 150 16.00 7.00 7.00 190

1 medium sugar twist doughnut 8 181 10.30 22.86 2.34 192