I need a new scale as my old one hasn't been working for awhile

I did weigh myself at a friend's house on Saturday though.

255 lbs.

So yeah.  Saturday was just under 2 years from when I started this blog and I boomeranged from the 278 July 2010 official starting weight to the low 204.2 April 2011 to the 255 July 2012.

Fuck me.

Let's not forgot my non-pregnancy 2010 high of 286 lbs.

so 2010 high = 286
          down     8 lbs
    2010 start = 278
         down 73.8 more lbs
     2011 low = 204.2
                up 50.8 lbs
current 2012 = 255 lbs

So, in the end I only managed to keep off a total of 31 lbs from my highest 2010 weight and 23 lbs from the weight I was when I first started this blog.

Do I feel like a failure?

Yes.

Am I ashamed of myself?

Yes.

Am I going to eat myself into oblivion?

No.

I've gone through some serious depression and a recent new diagnosis that I am still dealing with and am on some different medications.

I am to stay away from cardio, like the cardiologist told me back in 2011.  Walking and swimming were the recommended exercises for me as well as weight training.

So, we'll see what happens.

I can't promise I'll post here a lot.

But I'll try to post once in awhile so you know I'm still alive.

FAB

Things seem so bloody strange right now

Well my weight has gone up and down a bit but this morning I was at 257.0 lbs so no significant changes.

I am now on three medications.

Cipralex (20 mg), Wellbutrin (300 mg) and Topamax (20 mg) and I have a new (or additional - I guess I should ask how that works) diagnoses but I'm not going to talk about that right now.

My anxiety is very well under control.  As a matter of fact, I have actual FINGERNAILS, growing beyond my fingertips.  If I remember later, I'll take a picture and login with one of my other accounts to post it.

The heat and humidity are crazy around here.

We've had a fan and a window air conditioner going since we got up this morning and it is, at this moment, 27 degrees C in here!

Little Man is off at his father's for the weekend so Hubs is here with all his female-folk, myself, Rhyme Girl and I'm not sure what I should call the baby now since she is less a baby and more a rampaging toddler...

Any suggestions?

Little Man has attended one ABA group with some other boys with autism and will be attending another one, one evening a week through the summer.

I just completed the "It Takes Two To Talk" program with my energetic toddler and hopefully she'll get into speech therapy around September.  Still not sure if it's just the pragmatic speech delay or if she could be at the top end of the high-functioning end of the autism spectrum.

Rhyme Girl was doing the Wii Fit today and she's lost 2 lbs since she got here on July 2nd, which puts her at 156.6 lbs at the age of 12 and the height of 4 ft 11.

Her Wii Fit age was calculated at 25.

Hubs also did the Wii Fit today.  His Wii Fit age was calculated at 61 (he'll be 45 this year) and I was calculated to be 38 (I'll be 40 this year).

I have my next appointment with the psychiatrist on Monday and I'm not sure if I am going to peer-led group therapy on Tues, Thursday or both days this week.

I feel good about working on this stuff, though with the new information -- I have some new things to research/read up on.

In other news, we went to Teeswater the other weekend and had a wonderful visit with my Grandmother's cousin, who was a complete sweetheart!  It was a very peaceful town and it was relaxing.

A number of people in my adoptive family have found some great success using Weight Watchers.  So my brother-in-law, T,  gave me a points calculator yesterday.  I will give it a try, although I'm sure there are some foods I won't know how to calculate (like basmati rice for example).

I hope everyone else is happy and well!